ok ill finish up and start on the next one
The 2nd one is character sheet sorry for not telling it before…I just noticed that u wrote 2 artscene in the waiting list… I hope I’m not too late…?
nope its ok i’ll fi it rn
Here’s the Character Card! Tell me if you want anything changed. I’ll prolly have the art scene by tomwere
I love it!!! Thankyou
And I can wait for the artscene
I TOLD YOU I WOULD MAKE THE SHOP I- cry
im srry i was bored
but u doing the imporant things so im like y dont i make the shop
It’s okie, but I’m not giving you my chocolate bar
You’re doing the important things though
Hey! I would like to make a story review request.
Instagram Handler: @twes2363.episode
Is your Story published (if not u can pm @TalesByMim this information) : Yes and Completed (However I am willing to make some updates for any changes that I need to make)
Story Title: Monster Castle
Author Name: Tabitha Williams <3
Story Description: You saw a video of the Monster Castle. You also won the contest but, was this all an evil plot?
Cover (also put the cover size):
Story review completed!
Grammar & spelling
Some grammatical mistakes, such as putting commas when a period is needed. Other than that, your spelling is excellent! Some vocabulary mistakes here and there, but some are minor.
I am here with my beautiful wife, Velma… etc
One from AJ Watterson and his sister, Mimi Watterson. Another from Carrie Davis.
The last two that I found enjoyable were Tim and Fauna.
I adore AJ and love when he said college wasn’t for everyone, because honestly it’s not!
I see you went with the typical parents. The ones who want their child to go to some college/university get good grades, etc… (great job) I could almost feel the disappointment from both of the parents!
Can’t have a great story without a mean, attention seeker! Yep, it’s Carrie. I was very intrigued about Carrie and the MC’s past very interesting that the “incident” the MC faced and how she lost her fame in school.
I would say, maybe be a bit more descriptive when it comes to your story bio. Try “You and your brother enter in a contest in order to prove to your parents you’re old enough to take care of yourselves. One problem, the hosts are plotting something evil…”
I live for the fact that you were able to change the colours of the text overlay in the beginning. Along with the zooms and the bat flying. However, I noticed some little directing mistakes, such as
The MC walking on the bed/ in mid air. I suggest looking up tutorials.
I also suggest to be careful of the use of overlays, such as below. There is a gap at the bottom. Be sure to properly cover that area where you can’t see the characters legs.
Just a little tip. In order for the transitions to be smooth when you’re changing the scenery, add in @transition fade out black after a few scene changes. This will ensure that your scene changes are a lot less choppy.
Your story draws me in and I find myself saying “what’s going to happen next?” A LOT while reading your story. I wonder what’s going to happen when the MC and her brother, along with 3 other people will enter the house.
Whew that took longer than I expected!
The other half
Srry my spelling is all over da place
Doesn’t Have any characters. I honestly think that the cover draws in the reader. So If you had a more musing cover. I think you’d get more reads. Such as adding a background, instead of it just being black. You said your story is horror. Well that needs to be reflected on the cover too.
The story description is what keeps the readers intrested. So I have some recomdations for you. If it has CC add it on the description. Anything it has such as mini games, Choices. or timed choices add it on the description. But also I would change it to "You’ve seen the video, you won the contest. But was this an evil plot to get you to come to the Monster Castle. It gives the readers an element of suprise.
If you do get new covers make sure to come back so we can add our watermark
Thank you so much for the review and suggestions. I truly appreciate it, and hopefully I can update this story and take these suggestions to my this story better.
Thank you so much for the input on my story review as well. I will also take your advice into consideration as well.