Tell me what you think about the characters?


#1

My story is called Cherry Bomb and I will admit, it draws on the whole bad-boy/good-girl cliché.

But I don’t want story to be one-dimensional. I don’t want the characters to have little development and then just miraculously end up together–I want the characters to love and hurt and learn.

That being said, they make a lot of bad decisions. This is where my dilemma comes in.

I want the two protagonists, Brett and Lacey, to make mistakes that are big enough that the characters will be impacted by them. Mistakes that they can learn from and readers can relate to. At the same time, I don’t want the mistakes to be so ridiculous that it will make the characters deplorable and deter people from reading to the most important part–the part where they learn from their mistakes.

SPOILER

One of the issues that comes into the story, for example, is that Lacey keeps trying to lose her virginity to prove her ex-boyfriend that he was wrong about her being “boring.” In one scene, she is almost sexually assaulted by her ex-boyfriend. Still, she continues to worry about fitting his standards and proving herself to him.

I am afraid that readers will stop right there when Lacey continues to care about someone so awful. I don’t want readers to think that I am trying to promote such a relationship or worse, think that sexual assault is not a big deal or is acceptable.

At the same time, I want to be realistic. Lacey, like many other teenage girls, has a low self-esteem and is endlessly concerned with fitting in–eventually, she will realize the flaw in her thinking and realize she’s worth so much more than what others say she is and is deserving of much better treatment.

END OF SPOILER

I would appreciate if anyone would read the published chapters and let me know if the characters’ actions make them unappealing or if the story starts seeming like I’m promoting toxic relationships. Also, advice on how to change this is welcome.

Thank you so much,
Princesa


#2

@Ryan
I just realized I posted in the wrong category! Could you move this to “Share Feedback” please? Thank you!


#3

hi i am new to writing but i would love to read your story and i may have some questions about how you did certain things such as the zooms if i leave you fan-mail it will be under mari or a.mari


#4

Hey! I haven’t checked out your story yet but before I do I feel you about not wanting to be one-dimensional as my story also draws on the exact same cliche but I am trying so hard to prove that it is not just a stereotype.

With the spoiler bit:

[spoiler]I admit I have been known to stop reading an Episode story if I hit a scene where a sleazy teenage boy sexually assaults the MC and she is rescued by some Knight in Shining Armour… I know that’s not the kind of scene you’re talking about, don’t worry. But you do have to be careful with these kinds of themes.

I get why you’re worried about her still caring for someone so awful so maybe you could make it a bit more of a general thing that he’s the fuse to? Right, so she wants to lose her virginity because he’s said that she’s “boring” or whatever - because of him, not for him. Maybe, once he’s said certain things it’s not about him anymore, it’s about her. And her low self-esteem and needing to prove herself to herself and to everyone, not just to a shitty ex-boyfriend. I don’t know if that’s helpful at all but I think it’s realistic and less-cliche?[/spoiler]


#5

Okay, did I do that blurring thing right?


#6

May be create a new character that went through the same thing but got out better because she chose to love herself than to prove herself to others. Make MC learn from it/her slowly while she is still making those mistakes.
It’s like the knight in shining armour isnt a guy here but someone who went through the same. I think this will send the readers message that you don’t believe in rape and abuse to be okay. You’re just trying to portray the reality?
I dont know if the story development allows a sudden new character though.


#7

@CordeliaM
Thank you for your reply and your honesty! Yes definitely–I get what you’re saying.


After the last published chapter, I have Lacey explain to Brett what’s going on with her when he criticizes her actions. She says, “I’m so sick of being told who I am. Everyone thinks they know me, but they don’t. I just wanted to prove to them… I just wanted to prove to myself…that I’m more than just a rumor.” I think this is kind of what you were talking about in your last paragraph–do you think readers will make it to this part or will quit after Lacey makes a couple bad decisions?

If you could read the chapters and tell me if you would have continued reading or if you ended up getting so frustrated with the characters that you wanted to stop reading, that would be fantastic. I appreciate your advice!

P.S. Your spoiler blurring thing was done correctly but for some reason it’s not working.

Princesa


#9

@mariii

Hi! I just saw your message right now. You can DM me on my Instagram @episode.princesa if you have questions related to zooms or if you have input on the story! Thank you so much <3

Princesa


#10

@Ni_shee

That’s a really good idea. There is one character kind of like Lacey in the story, and it’s her mom, but in the end I’m going to have Lacey learn from her mom’s mistakes and be her own knight in shining armor instead of her mom or Brett. I don’t want Brett to be like a knight in shining armor. At the end I want Lacey to figure out that ultimately it’s up to her to save herself. I’m just not sure if readers will make it that far given that Lacey (and Brett too) make a lot of mistakes throughout the story.

Thank you for your input! <3

Princesa


#11

Maybe introduce the other character in first episode. She went through it came out stronger. A strong female side character who doesnt take shit. May be someone in her college neighbourhood? A sharp tongued girl, doesnt have much friends but influencing personality. If you do this even though the MC is making cliche mistakes which might make the readers feel not wanting to continue, they will feel that there is more to this story. She doesnt have to save MC. She is just an example.


#12

I think it really depends on if readers have been able to see that this isn’t just a cliche up until this point, which from the way you’re talking I’m sure won’t be a problem but sure, I’ll check out the chapters and let you know what I think! Xx


#13

Moved to Share Feedback section! :v:t2:


#14

i haven’t been able to message you on my instagram but i wanted to let you know that i completely love the story and i don’t think it is cliche i feel like later on as we read you have a message that will be displayed about those types of situations but if not it’s still really good and i can’t wait to see where you go with the story


#15

i was also curious about the commands you use on how to zoom in on the character because i have no clue and also about hugging because i can’t seem to get it right


#16

@mariii
Thank you so much! <3 That means a lot to me.

For kissing and hugging comands, the tricky part is making sure the characters are positioned properly and are facing the correct direction when you apply the kissing or hugging behavior. An Episode writer, Joseph Evans, has a really good tutorial about hugging and kissing commands here.

As for zooms, I use
@zoom on x y to z% in s

You would have to replace x and y to the coordinates of where you want to zoom and z to the percentage zoomed in. You can adjust your zoom and find out what coordinates and percentage you want by using the story editor on the mobile app. Then you would replace s with the number of seconds you would like the zoom to take. For example, to zoom in to coordinates 0, 0 to 0% immediately, you would put @zoom on 0 0 to 0% in 0.

Joseph Evans also has a tutorial about basic zoom directing here. Hope this helps!

Princesa


#17

yes thank you this really will be a big help and your welcome i like binged all of the episodes but i only had like 2 passes and i wanted to know what happened so i bought more and finished all of them but i’m so curious to see what happens next, your doing amazing i’m fully intrigued with your story keep it up :heartpulse:!!


#18

It means so much to me that you used all your passes on my story… Thank you so much <3 You’ve officially made my entire week(:


#19

Closing due to inactivity :slight_smile:


#20

#21