ick. the things i do just to lead a life of crime. okie
I enter the pizza hut…
I bump into the angry chef! He screams at me in Italian, whips off his hat like he’s getting ready to fight, and charges at me with his pineapple cutting knife! My life is in mortal danger.
I perform a few moves on him that I learned while I was at Quantico (long story), and disarm him. I tie him up and enjoy watching his furious struggles as i load up my Maserati with the stolen pizza. Disclaimer: I stole some mushroom pies to eat. Consider it my compensation.
Wow! You are good! Say, can you steal me a caramel frap from Starbucks for me? I’m SO HUNGRY!!!
Yes, my dear robber-in-training. Give me a sec
I creep into the Starbucks at 1 in the morning…
The lights are off, and I quickly rush into the kitchen. I Googled how to make a caramel frap, and practiced until I could do it efficiently. So I started…
Some girl is standing behind me. Shes wearing Uggs, leggings, and holding an empty coffee cup.
“Hands up, this is a robbery”, I said, somewhat obviously, aiming my gun at her. She burst into tears.
“I Just wanted to take a good selfie and the lighting is better at night”, she wailed, “You can have my wallet, Daddy’s credit card-”
“Um, no. This is a very specific robbery”, I mumbled. I finished making the frap and split. I carefully put it into my Maserati’s cup holder (genuine Iberian leather). Here:
Yassss Nation wide really is on your side
Ya better believe it bish
I’m happy I started this thread, I’ve always wanted to lead a life of crime. tears up I feel so happy, if only i could do this irl
IKR that’s literally me in bitlife I got sentenced to 156 years in prison
I keep tryna escape and once the total sentence was 1146 years!
My fave thing tho is having babies lmao
The fuck I escaped successfully each time tho so
Yeah same I had 49 babies once
Can you steal a bright red bottle of red nail polish from blair waldorf (gossip girl)?
me too! I was a porn director to support them all lmao. It pays well…
I sneak into the Waldorf House when Blair’s at a partay…
I’m rummaging through her lavish room and I finally find a brand new, unopened bottle of bright red nail polish.
“What are you doing here?”
I whirl around and in front of me stands Nate. I contemplate shooting him…my mission cant be compromised. But instead of getting angry and threatening to call the cops, Nate moves towards me.
“It must be destiny that we’re meeting”, he murmured, ducking in to kiss me.
“Destiny is for losers”, I said, and hurtled out the window with the nail polish. I landed on my feet (I learned that move from my stint in the Navy SEALS), and ran into my Maserati .
Here ya go: