Our Fifteenth story for our Community Book Club was reviewed by five people, and all the scores will be an average. The book was…
Adventurous: Project Humanity , by Dreamer (@RainbowCat)
It’s an Adventure and here’s the link.
About: In a world without sadness, your father starts a little project. What happens when you take part in it? Will you find your place in a world with new possibilities, new feelings?
This story was recommended by @RainbowCat!
First Impression (Cover/title/summary)
Rating: 4.02
The title, covers, and summary work really well together. The summary doesn’t give too much away while also encapsulating the reader’s mind in the author’s story, making them think about what it could be about.
Although the covers weren’t exactly intriguing to one reader, the title still made them think they should give it a try. Based on that, they assumed it was a sci-fi story about (sentient) robots, and they dig those types of fiction. Then, reading the description made it kind of clear that it might have nothing to do with robots, but the plot still took place in a utopian (dystopian?) community. As a fan of ‘1984’, they couldn’t say no to start the first chapter.
The story (Content and Flow)
Rating: 3.65
It’s a really slow beginning: arriving home, changing, eating, homework… Something needs to happen to make sure that the reader doesn’t press the door icon. Maybe you could have a flashback to the mother or something, for a bit for story. … It was a little slow at the beginning since there was too much ‘ordinary’ talk, like finishing the homework. The flow of the story seemed a bit quick-paced as it moved from one scene to another with some dialogue and explanations. However, the storyline seemed interesting and it was cool to see how another world could react to human behaviour.
One detailed reviewer
The first scenes assured me that my guess about the story’s proposition was kind of right. The MC did live in a seemingly perfect society, where there were nor extreme, neither negative emotions present. Of course, she got bored with her plain, ‘planned’ life, she felt out of line, and that led to the fund of the main conflict. Adding the religious references was an excellent idea, as it made the plot more interesting, and somewhat unique, and made me want to read on, even though I didn’t find the flow dynamic enough for my taste. It was a bit slow, and I think the first and second chapters should have been merged into one, and the third chapter should have been filled with some deeper details, or rather more action. As for the chapter’s length, it took a bit more than 10 minutes to read one in a comfortable pace, and it’s okay for me: not too short but not long either (still, I don’t feel my pass wasted). (By the way, the scenes, where the MC talked to her father, reminded me of the play: ‘An Evening at God’s’ by Stephen King.)
Characters
Rating: 3.47
Good characters with a variety between them but would love to see development. The reader doesn’t really get to see the MC’s personality until the friend comes over. Maybe a little detail will help with this. …
One reviewer
The characters introduced in episode 1 included the MC, Dad and Leyla. They all seemed a tad emotionless but I think that’s what the story was aiming for; to show the difference in worlds and people. Though, we can distinguish that the MC had a different mindset compared to others in her world and that she longed for adventure and excitement. In episode 2, we saw a few more characters such as Jay. After the MC asked her father about joining the project, I feel like he agreed a bit too quickly since he knows what it’s like and that it’s really dangerous. Even so, the characters seemed to all have their own personalities, though they all seemed rather similar.
The detailed reviewer is back
The MC is the daughter of ‘The’ God, and her brother is “Jay” (aka Jesus). I really liked this concept, and the way you couldn’t see God, made him look like a mysterious figure. He was also sympathetic based on the things he said to his daughter. Jay also felt like the ‘biblical Jesus’, even though the author didn’t state clearly he was the Messiah. The usage of the point system indicates that we could form the personality of the MC throughout the story, and that’s a big + from me. The character of Mia reminded me too much of Mia Rose from Mette M. Peleikis’ story ‘The Teacher’ (in ‘Teacher and I’, she looks almost the same as the Mia in this story). I know that character features are limited, but it might cause a misunderstanding if they have the same name and look too alike.
Visually (The directing)
Rating: 3.15
Good directing, could use some overlays and show the characters looking at the dad’s work.
The directing was simple without issues. There wasn’t much connection between the characters, though, sometimes they were just ‘there, standing on the outermost edges of the screen’ (but maybe it was attributable to their society’s cold characteristics?). Adding some zooms and/or replacing the characters would help to enhance the reader’s experience. Some don’t mind it to be simple anyway, but some readers may not continue reading the story if the directing is too simple.
The second reviewer is back
The directing was done well, but it was a little simpler than expected. The zooms and spot directing that you did use were on point but I think other things could have been changed. For example, when she was doing her homework, you could have directed a separate scene where the character is sitting down instead of standing in the middle of her room. However, I did see a point system of a sort through your choices. I saw the ‘DEVILISHNESS +1’ and ‘DIVINITY +1’, and it interested me to see what other kinds of points there could be later on.
Language (Grammar)
Rating: 4.46
Not too bad. Just the wrong tense used, an out-of-place capital letter, and a couple of sentences needing to be restructured.
The grammar and punctuation were fine, though some bits were a little too formal. For instance, when MC is thinking to herself, her thoughts are spread out a bit too formally.
Choices
Rating: 3.2
There were a few choices, but nothing to really make an impact on the story. … Finding one choice each in episode 1 and 2, which was alright. However, the fact that there was a point system with the choices added interest and made up a little for the lack of choices.
The detailed reviewer again
I could name the MC and customize her: +. The story uses a point system: +. You can earn: humanity and divinity points (and probably devilishness points too, as the large cover indicates). In my opinion, there should be more (non-outfit related) choices.
1-2 was the average number of episodes read by the five reviewers.
One loved the story and can’t wait for the next chapters. Another thought it was a good start but more details and descriptions would help the reader to get more into the story. … The plot was interesting and has a lot of potential but the pacing and flow, as well as the simple-ish directing made the story a little less enjoyable. Altogether, they found myself wondering if MC would get caught in future episodes, how she would fit in, and so on.
The detailed reviewer for the last time.
I usually read stories with less serious topics, but I still think this plot has a lot of potentials, it’s kind of unique, and the author also has the talent to be able to make it work. I’m really curious about where the evens will lead, how the MC’s personality will develop throughout her adventure amongst humans, what impact will she have on her society after returning (or will she stay on Earth), will there be any moral or ethical conclusions at the end, and so on.
Final Book Club score is … 3.66
Start a discussion below of this book if you want to! (wink)
Now for next week’s book, get voting because we only have 18 hours left.