Our twenty-fourth story for our Community Book Club was reviewed by four people, and all the scores will be an average. The book was…
Clue: The Leftover Princess , by Shania Raynr (@Shania_Rayne)
It’s a mystery and here’s the link .
About: Hundred years ago a Native American tribe vanished without a trace. When a mysterious girl is found in the woods, will she be the answer, or just lead to more questions? CC, LGBT, minigames Male/Female LI
This story was recommended by @Shania_Rayne!
First Impression (Cover/title/summary)
Rating: 3.08
Both the covers look amazing! The only improvement one reader could recommend is the background behind the title. Halfway through “Leftover” and the entirety of “Princess” can barely be seen because of the colours used. The summary definitely draws me in to read the story. It kinda gives them time travelling vibes. … The description is intriguing. … Another reader doesn’t think they would start reading the story just after “the first look”. They just don’t feel mystery vibes. The covers and the title look more for a romance story. … The covers are not too bad but the word “princess” in the title usually puts this reader off. As for the summary, it’d be better with the grammar corrected.
The story (Content and Flow)
Rating: 3.55
One Eager-beaver reader:
I think the content in the story and the flow of the plot went pretty well. It was understandably slow since the investigation of the MC’s existence only just started, but I was expecting to learn a little more about the MC. I know in Episode 2 we get a little flashback about the day a strange occurrence happened to the MC, but I’d recommend adding one or two more short flashbacks relating to the MC’s past life in the upcoming episodes, maybe her friends or family. Also, maybe during the interview in the hospital, she could be asked what year it is and where she thinks she is. I also wasn’t expecting the Mayor to personally take in the MC and become her caretaker instead of assigning her to a foster family. I found it odd, as I’ve never heard or seen a high valued person fostering someone that’s currently being investigated. Especially since the LI’s dad had agreed to let the MC stay in their house. I enjoyed the comedic element in each story, especially the bonus scenes. The comedy used makes the story light-hearted and less of a serious situation (although it is a serious situation). This entire time after reading the summary, I was thinking that maybe the MC is over 100 years old, therefore, she probably needed some time getting used to the modern world since in Episode 2 it appears she somehow got knocked unconscious then woke up in a cave or next to a lake, and the summary does say “100 years ago a tribe had disappeared”. So maybe since she comes from a different timeline, I would’ve thought that her demeanour could be mostly based around curiosity, especially when she was handed a smartphone as (maybe) she hasn’t seen one before. I wasn’t expecting a “thank you”, but more of a “what’s this thing?” type of reaction. Also, try filling up what happened to the MC between the time she was released from the hospital and when she had her first day in school. That’s 48 hours missing, I’d like to know what she was doing or thinking (was she getting used to her surroundings? How does she feel about what happened?). I’m personally confused about the timeline thing, maybe I interpreted the summary wrong, but I’d like some clarity in the upcoming episodes.
The pacing was perfect, the scenes had a good length without getting boring, the dialogue was great, and this reader liked the way the chapters ended. … Another reader wasn’t sure about the plot. Of course, it can be really interesting, but in the first episode, they did’n’t enough information about these Indians. Then a mystery girl shows up and everyone wants to give her a house to live and she starts school. They just think it is weird, and so far, you haven’t put much mystery in it. … Whereas another reader thought the information was all there, but was unable to connect to the characters. The lines of dialogue felt a little like a manual, as in number 1 then number 2. A little more filler would help with this.
Characters
Rating: 3.85
The characters are pretty unique. Some of them in a slightly deeper level and had unique personalities, nationalities, and features. This reader recommends doing an interaction between the MC and side characters, where they can get to know each other more, not just a brief summary of their personality done by narration. … Another reader mentions that after the school trip, they didn’t know what to think about all the characters. None of the characters looked special or unique. The second episode was focused on the MC yet they weren’t any feelings for her. She didn’t seem surprised about the new world she woke up in. The three episode, nothing new was learnt about the characters. They are just typical characters from school, nothing unique. … Another reader thought they were a little under-developed, but the diversity was excellent. Though some of the things the characters would say, didn’t match up. For example, it’d be really unprofessional for a guide to say “What the Capital F?”!
Visually (The directing)
Rating: 3.8
Love the splashes! … There were a couple of incidents where the MC was talking but no talking animations were used, and when the MC was thinking but instead of a thought bubble, a speech bubble would pop up. The tappable overlays are great! … Though the spot positioning could use some work. When a character is in the background, they need to be smaller, not the same size. To make it look natural, you should keep their eyes along the same line. Also, some bubbles are not spotted during the conversations in woods, and Martin wasn’t sitting on the chair in the police station. … Another reader didn’t understand the mini game.
Language (Grammar)
Rating: 4.28
They noticed a few grammar errors, but overall is was pretty good. Though some of the dialogue seemed a bit boring. … Why use “smurftastic” in the type of story? The colloquialism doesn’t make sense here. You need to watch out for your comma use and use of spaces. Getting a proofreader would help.
Choices
Rating: 3.13
There’s not a lot of choices in the story, but the choices that are in the story provide important information. There is an enjoyable mini-game in the first chapter. A recommendation to not adding a sudden flash of light during the tappable choice in Episode 3, as it may irritate some readers. … As long as it is a clue story, there should be more mini-games to play, but so far, there weren’t many of them, the choices didn’t seem to have much affect on the story.
2-3 was the average number of episodes read by the four reviewers.
The story’s great, with a unique storyline. There could be some improvements with choices, personalities, and the spot directing, but not too bad. … There wasn’t much of a mystery, but it was a pretty good idea.
Final Book Club score is … 3.62
Start a discussion below of this book if you want to! (wink)
Now for next week’s book, get voting because we only have 7 hours left.