Our Reviews for the story Temperamental by @sam.c 
Annieways
First impression
Your cover is nice and cute, I personally found your description a little cliche but I’m sure it will attract a lot of readers.
Characters
I love the strong female MCs and the nerdy guys, so I’m interested to see how their relationship will develop. I liked that you had many supporting characters. A lot of authors only focus on the MC and the love interest, which makes me bored in a very short time. I think it’s great if minor characters have an important role too or if they exist at all lol, so I think you did a great job with this.
Plot
I liked the first 3 episodes, but since it’s a drama, I would expect more plot twists in the upcoming chapters.
I have a stupid pet peeve: I don’t like when I feel that something random was added to a story without any particular reason or explanation. I know that authors mostly do this for a comedic purpose moreover, I’m probably guilty of this too, lol, but even if this is a tiny thing, I have to mention it:
I didn’t really understand the MC’s outfit choice at the beginning of chapter 3. I would understand the sunglasses since she had a hangover, but not the whole outfit. I think it would fit better if she chose something simple, in the “I don’t give a crap” style.
Other than that, the plot was realistic and well-structured.
Directing
Your directing is pretty good and you have some really clever ideas. I only noticed some issues with the character placement in a few scenes. Please note that I wouldn’t necessarily consider these things directing errors, I’m just mentioning them so you can make your directing look more natural:
- In the school scenes it looks like some foreground characters are standing lower than the background characters. It’s good that you scaled them bigger, but I don’t think they are at the right spot. I found something very useful that you may want to check out:
https://www.instagram.com/dara.amarie.ep/p/Bipv6AJgzQd/?hl=bn - I felt like the MC needs to be scaled bigger in some scenes. To me she looked too small in her bedroom after she woke up in the first chapter. Then in episode 3, when they are at the mall, Jackson’s head looks very big compared to Tori’s lol. I understand that you want to make Tori look short, but instead of scaling her that small you could just place her a bit lower
- I saw that your characters go up and down on the screen pretty often instead of exiting left and right. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it looked odd. However, I liked how you did this in chapter 3, in the library scene. This time the camera was moving too, so it looked much more professional.
Grammar
I didn’t really spot grammar errors and I saw that Aaliyah collected the missing commas, so I guess I have nothing to add 
Overall
I enjoyed reading this, but some more drama would make it more interesting. I don’t remember having seen any choices besides the dressing games, so it’s also something you may consider to add. Your story has a good potential and I don’t think it needs much work to become even better.
I didn’t know where to put this, but I just have to comment on this: I thought I was a heavyweight drinker, but damn, 20 TEQUILA SHOTS?! 
JUST WOW.
Thank you to @Annieways for this review <3
Diamond.Heart
Here’s my review:
Covers
I loved them. Both of them are beautiful and when I saw the covers I already got a good feeling about the story.
Intro
Really fun and creative. I loved the overlays.
Grammar
I loved the fact that I didn’t see any grammar errors. I really hate grammar errors, I can’t read a story with many errors. At least, if there are any grammar errors in your story I didn’t catch them.
Punctuation
I did see one or two missing full stops, but nothing bad. The only punctuation that was missing were commas. For example, right in the beginning of the first episode: Thank you and welcome back Miss Victoria! . there should be a comma before “Miss Victoria!” because someone’s saying something to her. All of the missing commas I noticed were like the example I gave.
Directing
It was really good! The only thing I noticed was that in episode 1 when Winston hugs Tori, you can see his arm from the animation “hug”. You should fix that.
In general, I loved your story. The directing was really good and I liked the characters a lot. I’ll keep it as one of my favorite stories and I’ll be waiting for an update!
Thank you to @Diamond.Heart for this review <3
Kimballet
My review of Temperamental:
Your directing is awesome, loved the details of the moon turning into the sun, your transitions, animations and everything. I can tell you guys spent a lot of time doing custom overlays and checking and re-checking directing so I honestly have nothing to say about improving your directing because it’s great! I’m usually a LL snob and even I liked the way you used Ink, so kudos!
Minor grammatical-ish things I noticed:
- In Episode 2 there was an author’s note that said “20 minuets later” instead of “20 minutes later” and it happened again in Episode 3 with Mr. Stone telling Miss Hartley that she was 30 minuets late. (Since minuet is a word, it’s not showing up on spellcheck, hate when that happens, haha)
- When referring to someone as “Mr.” the American convention is to put a period after Mr, however if this is intended to be more British English this be ignored
- In Episode 3, April says “you’re job” instead of possessive “your”
- Also in Episode 3, River uses the wrong “your” instead of the contraction “you’re” when he says “Damn Hartley your breaking my heart. ” the completely correct sentence also needs commas, “Damn, Hartley, you’re breaking my heart.” to show the pauses
- Another British thing that Americans wouldn’t say is Mia when she says something like “you puked on mines ” a more American way to say that would be “when you puked on mine ” (singular) - sidenote, this does take place in the US, right? Tori got kicked out of a UK boarding school, but I didn’t get a strong sense of setting in the story in the first 3 chapters (will discuss more below)
- For the detention scene, I’d use italics or small letters or something to denote the whole convo was whispered. I know Mr. Hugh is supposedly asleep, but I think it would be a nice effect.
Suggestions to take with a grain of salt, as it’s just my opinion:
- Personally, I thought 20 shots seemed extreme, even for comedic effect. At that point, she’d be getting her stomach pumped, not just puking on her friend’s shirt. I think the progression should be something like 2 shots, 3 shots, 4 shots or maybe you can even work in the saying 1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor… I just think in an app aimed at teens and up, you shouldn’t throw around numbers like 20 shots or kids might think that’s normal (we actually had a discussion about it in our private chat with someone younger than the legal drinking age but old enough for Episode asked if that was a “normal” number of shots to take and I don’t think they would be the only teen to think so). But I’m a 30 year old geriatric person whose days of sharing shot skis are long over, so you don’t need to listen to me.
- I also think that Tori’s sudden rekindled friendship with Mia and co was really fast. I’d think some of them would be more skeptical to let her (back?) into the group if she was gone for 3 entire years. Especially since it doesn’t seem like the story takes place over months and weeks but hours and days. If maybe explain it a bit more with maybe Mia telling her friends they have to be nice to Tori because they kept in touch?
- I also don’t think Jackson would call Tori “short stuff” after detention. He’s clearly scared but intrigued by her but I don’t think he’d risk her wrath.
- As I mentioned above, I don’t get a strong sense of setting. Is she at a private school in the suburbs in the US? Is anyone in the friend group on a scholarship? Does that cause tension with Tori being extraordinarily wealthy or is everyone like River and Mia rich in their own right? Or is this at a public school (why if she’s so rich? Honestly, this would make no sense to me)? I don’t think it was in a rural or urban setting, so that was my best guess. If you need advice on real rich suburbs in the US, let me know, or you can just make up a place. Forgive me if you did mention it but it didn’t stick with me…
Overall, I’m interested in seeing where it goes, what really happened to her when she was expelled, does River have feelings for Tori (hopefully then their relationship is expanded because I thought Tori was a part of the group too quickly for them not to have history) and will Tori return them? When will Jackson get over April and fall for Tori and how will Tori mess up Jackson’s life? If those were the types of questions you wanted to leave readers with, good job! Just let me know if you need clarity on any of my suggestions and I’d be happy to talk it out! Great job!
Thank you to @kimballet for this review <3
Mint-Episode
I love the intro. It actually set the pace of the story for me. Lol the Imp and the nerd 
I am so enjoying the fact I’m not seeing any grammar errors.
Need to fix Winston’s arm overlay. I could still see his arm poking out.
I love your directing and the character positions and a plus for me is the bubble positions. 
I think you need to work on the limo pulling up and the driver coming out, it was a little off for me.
I am not a drinker but she has a really-really-really---- high tolerance to drink so many tequila.
The scene when we meet Winston’s wife and the Step-monster, those bubbles needs to be fixed.
The bathroom scene after Jackson ended the video chat with his brother, his reflection was still running after he stopped.
That father of hers is a real (I will not say that word). Her step mother is a nightmare though but man was that slap with the slippers hilarious. Don’t know where it came from since Harley was wearing boots. 
I can totally relate to Jackson the thrill of walking on the edge eh-eh 
I love his dynamic relationship with Harley. I like Mia’s as well with her boo. Enjoying the multitude of personalities haha.
So after they ditched detention:
Jackson says: Aren’t are parents informed when we have a detention? “are” should be “our”.
Why were they so cruel to that poor sales lady.
I must say I am very intrigued to find out who texted Tori. Why did she really come back? 
When they were hiding from the principle, Tori says “for ever” it should be one word.
DWL she is such a tease. Poor Jackson he is already whipped and he doesn’t even know it yet.
I knew he would catch them 
I will be waiting for new episodes.
Thank you to @Mint-Episode for this review <3
OreoBiscuit
Temperamental:
Overall review:
Because I found little to no errors in the story and the one’s that were found have already been mentioned, I’ll just give an overall review.
The intro fits the story very well. It is at a good length, funny and creative.
The uses of overlays and the directing is amazing. The right commands are used which makes the story move at a good pace and makes reading the story more enjoyable.
Although it is a story in the drama section, there are comedic parts within the story which feels natural and fits well with the story and is funny.
Each episode (I read 3) is at a good length.
Sound and music used were suitable for the scenes where they were used which really help set the mood for the scenes.
The character’s personalities are shown very well which really draws you into the story more. The relationship between the MC and her father is also shown really well. The story is well written and although it may not really be the type of stories that I am into, it is definitely a great story that a lot of readers on the app love and I truly hope you get the reads that you truly deserve.
Thank you to @OreoBiscuit for this review <3
xxLoveAaliyah
Temperamental by Sam and Renae.
Review:
Episode 1
Grammar mistakes:
The stuff in the barracks is what I corrected. The things in bold are where you need to add commas.
- When the captain is talking to Victoria. You need a comma because it’s a direct address.
[“Thank you and welcome back, Miss Victoria.] - You need in a comma in this sentence. [“Are you ready, Miss Victoria?”]
- You need a comma here. [“Is that my daughter, Winston?”]
- You need a comma here. [“Good morning, Miss Victoria.”]
- You need a comma here. [“ Chill, Jackson were just having some fun.”]
- You need a comma here. [“ Finn, hold down the kid.”]
- Comma is needed here. [“Looks like you haven’t changed at all , Collin.”]
- Comma is needed here. [“Oh shut up, Finn.”]
- Comma is needed here. [“You should really learn how to mind your own business, Hartley.”]
- Comma is needed here. [“You don’t need to deny it anymore, Tori.”]
- You need a comma here. [“ Victoria, are you even listening to me?”]
- A comma is needed here. [“What are you saying, Hiroto?”]
- A comma is needed is here. [“Is that right, Hiroro?”]
- A comma is needed here. [“ So, Victoria…”]
- I see what you try to do, but I don’t believe this is correct. This sentence should be [“Just Tori is fine.”]
Episode 2
Grammar mistakes:
- You need a comma here. [“Fifteen laps, Hartley.”]
- You spelled minutes wrong. The correct spelling is [ Minutes. ]
- A comma is needed here. [“ Bye, Ri!”]
- A comma is needed here. [“What has Victoria done this time, Mr Gray?”]
- Comma is needed here. [“ Thanks, Benjamin.”]
- A comma is needed here as well. [“ Anytime, Miss Victoria.”]
- You need a comma here. [“She’s not worth it, sweetie.”]
- You down stairs. It should [ Downstairs. ]
- A comma is needed here. [“Really loving the new accessory, Diana.”]
- A comma is needed here. [“I’m sorry, love. You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”]
- Seeing that this is a nickname. You need a comma. [“ Toaster, I’m glad you called!”]
- A comma is needed is here. [“Come on, Gwen let’s dance.”] And ‘Lets’ should be [ Let’s. ]
Feedback and thoughts: You can only have five songs lyrics. You went over by six. Even though you didn’t finish the lyrics. LMAOO, 15 shots and I would have been dead. Hell, I would be dead on my 10th shot … Especially drinking tequila! No you didn’t add the born by the river (vine) version. BAHAHAHA. Hahaha. You had six lyrics again. Only Five is allowed.
Episode 3
Grammar mistakes:
- A comma needs to be here. [“What do you want, Thomas?”]
- A comma is needed here. [“ Alright, sweetie.”]
- You need a comma here. [“What did you say, Wes?”]
- You need a comma here. [“I just have a lot on my plate right now , April.]
- A comma is needed. [“I’ll see you later, Jackson.”]
- Comma should be here. [You’re 30 minutes late to my class, Miss Hartley.”]
- A comma should be here. [“ Yo, toaster.]
- A comma is missing. [“ Damn, Hartley, you’re breaking my heart”.] Your should be “you’re.”
- God should always be capitalized since it’s a name.
- A comma is needed here. [You can’t keep hiding your feelings, Hiro.”]
- You need a comma. [ Hey, Tori.”]
- You need a comma. [“ Yooo, Reynolds!”]
- A comma should be here. [“What do you want, Hartley?”]
- Comma needs to be here. [“Keep telling yourself that, Reynolds.”]
- Comma needs to be here. [“See you, Reynolds.”]
- You need a comma. [“See ya around, Reynolds.”]
- A comma is needed here. [“ Uhh, Hartley.”]
- You need a comma. [“Calm down, Reynolds.”]
- Comma is needed. [“You have something against shopping, Reynolds?”]
- Comma needs to be here. [“Enjoy it while you can, Reynolds.”]
- A comma needs to be here. [“We’ll see about that, Reynolds.”]
- A comma needs to be here. [“Say cheese, Reynolds.”]
- A comma needs to be here. [“You expecting for something to happen, Reynolds?”]
- A comma needs to be here. [“ Yeah, okay, Reynolds.”]
Aside from missing commas! Your story was really good. I enjoyed everything about it. Tori and Jackson are the perfect duos! The comedy in there felt natural. The characters were fun and I connected with all them. Your story is amazing and you deserve all the reads. Just work on getting yourself familiar with direct addresses and you will be fine. Your coding was amazing, by the way.
And you earned yourself a fan. 
Thank you to @LiyahxWrites for this review <3