Yeah please that would mean a lot 
1 Like
Happy to hear 
2 Likes
Bump 
Givers Club, we’re officially back in business 
2 Likes
BTW I made a post about us on Instagram rn:
5 Likes
My review for Deep Abysss
Deep Abyss review for Episode 1
My live thoughts reading Episode 1:
I have no idea what this will be about since description doesn’t give too much away, so I’m excited!
The author introduction at the beginning was not necessary, since all you said was that credits will come at the end, and that’s very common, so no need for that, in my opinion.
“Other times the are for the worse” not worst.
Add a second animation for Luna’s second line of dialogue since now she says it with her mouth closed.
You’re going to need to edit out swear words, per the new guidelines.
Again, use a different talking animation for each line of dialogue since now Luna is speaking a lot with her mouth closed. Or you can do a loopinijg one (Not familiar enough with Ink to suggest one).
Ok, now I’m wondering what he was snitching about… guess that will be revealed later. And it is interesting to have a female anti-hero.
Chapter is kind of short, but you know that and there’s nothing wrong with that per se.
All in all, pretty good pilot for your story. It left the reader wanting more. Fix a few directing issues and one or two grammar things (I may have missed some others while reading).
4 Likes
Our Reviews for the story Deep Abyss by @Luna1559 
Annieways' Review
My Review:
First impression
I like the cover, but to me the description doesn’t really make sense without the context, I think it should be a little more detailed. Also: “looses control” should be “loses control”.
Characters
I usually like strong female MCs, but Luna seemed to be too… bossy I guess? I wouldn’t mind her being sassy or even angry in certain situations, but I felt that her behavior was not justifiable in many cases. On the other hand, I was expecting Gael to be a strong character, but he kind of behaved like Luna’s sidekick. He was doing these awkward animations pretty often, which I’m guessing is because he likes Luna, but I think it would be more realistic if he hid it a little better since they work together and they have to focus on that in the first place.
Plot
I didn’t really get to understand what power Luna has and where did that come from. Like this it looked a little random to me.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m also not sure what mission they are on exactly.
As for a story about criminals, I think you put too much emphasis on what the girls would wear for the party in episode 3. I would have expected them to just put something on, then go get the job done.
Directing
You have characters talking without animations, and sometimes you miss to use idle_loop animations when the characters stop talking. These two things are pretty easy to fix and I really suggest you to do it, because it distracts readers from the story. Your speechbubbles would need some fixing too.
I think you use transition fade out instead of transition fade in because new backgrounds appear for a sec then fade out and appear again.
Your spot directing is OK, but there are some scenes that you might want to check out:
At the club scene in episode 1 some of your background characters need to be scaled smaller. I would also suggest you to make them do some looping animation (both dancing or talking animations would work), because it looks odd that they are all just standing there.
In the next scene when Luna, Gael and Ash are outside the club, they stand way too close to each other. To me it doesn’t look like a talking distance, but rather a “touching distance” lol. Sometimes they are even covering each other’s faces while talking.
I think it’s really weird that Gael takes away the dead body in a box 
Maybe you could make him tinker_kneel_loop in another zone, then zoom on the MC so you wouldn’t have to show the dead body at all. It would probably better fit the guidelines too.
Other thoughts
The author note that you will put the credits in the end of the episode is not necessary. Just add them in the end.
Also, saying that episodes will get longer after chapter 5 is usually an instant turn off for readers. It’s possible that they haven’t even noticed your chapter was short, but now you’re drawing attention to it. If you really think your episodes are too short, the best thing you can do is to make them longer.
You don’t have excessive swearing but make sure to censor the curse words to be in line with the new guidelines.
Overall, I think this would be a more interesting read if we knew more about the characters, the reasoning behind their behavior and if you gave some background information on what the gang’s goals are exactly.
Thank you to @Annieways for this review.
_haruka's Review
Here’s my review:
Deep Abyss Review
First Impression
The description was a little vague and doesn’t really tell you what the story is about, and it’s difficult to understand without having read the story itself. Maybe you could put a little more detail? Also, instead of ‘looses’ it should be ‘loses’. I also noticed this in the story itself, ‘loose’ was used instead of ‘lose’. Loose is a word, but it means the opposite of tight 
Characters
Luna was pretty bossy and some of her actions were a little overkill, but maybe this is part of ‘losing control’. Sometimes it helps if the MC is more relatable, as it helps readers get into the story more. But that’s up to you. Gael seemed very passive and awkward, like when he decided to take the hit for Luna when she shot Ash, but in other scenes, he randomly takes the lead and becomes confident, so this inconsistency may be something to think about. Maybe it’s just me, maybe he just really likes Luna 
Plot
There wasn’t much about this power that Luna seems to have. It could just be because I only read 3 episodes, but maybe you could consider putting in hints about where it came from and what exactly it is. The aim of their mission was also a little unclear?
For this type of story (spies, missions, killing), I think there was a bit too much focus and time spent on what they would be wearing to the party. The dressing game for Luna was cool, but it took a tad too much time with that along with what her friend would be wearing. They seem like the type of people that’d just put something on and get on with the mission.
I don’t think I spotted any choices apart from the dressing game, so this may also be something to work on.
Directing
Sometimes you have characters talking, but their mouths aren’t moving, and sometimes it’s that their mouths are moving, but they aren’t talking. Animations don’t just stop when the character stops talking, so you could use the idle_loop animation when they stop talking, and either use a looped talking animation or put it again every so often if they’re talking for a while.
Not sure how this happens as I don’t code all that much, but in a new scene, the background pops in for a second, fade out, and then transition in again.
At the club scene, Ep1, the background characters need to be a little smaller and they are also kind of just standing there, which looks a tad awkward. I’d suggest using a looping animation (dancing, talking) for them to make it seem more natural.
In the next scene, when Ash, Gael and Luna are talking, they are all really close to each other, particularly Gael and Ash. A lot of the time they cover each other’s faces when they talk, and the shooting and punching also looks strange as they are way too close together.
It’s quite strange that Gael takes Ash’s body away in a box realistically, this probably wouldn’t happen, and the body wouldn’t fit in the box. Maybe have Gael do a kneeling animation or something and zoom in on the MC, because then you don’t have to show the body, which fits the new guidelines better.
In the above picture, the gurney (or trolley or whatever you call it 
) is way too small for Ash to fit on it. I’d suggest making it bigger.
Other
The notice at the beginning of Episode 1 about you putting the credits in at the end of the episode isn’t really necessary. Just putting the credits at the end of the episode is fine 
I didn’t actually notice that the episodes were particularly short, and saying that they will be longer only draws attention to it. Rather than telling them that you’ll make them longer, just make them longer.
Make sure you check out the new guidelines and ensure your story fits them. This is not an official guide, but you might find this thread useful.
In the above picture, is the modified ‘scary’ version not supposed to fill the whole screen?
Spelling and Grammar
Only things I noticed:
- ‘Loose’ and ‘loosing’ should be ‘lose’ and ‘losing’.
- A few times, you use your where you’re should be used. Your is used to indicate that something belongs to someone- “Can I borrow your pen?” Sally asked. You’re is used as an abbreviation for ‘you are’- “You’re really funny!” Sally exclaimed.
Overall, I think this could be a good and interesting read if we knew a little more about the characters, and if they and the plot was more developed.
Thank you to @_haruka for this review.
JemU776's Review
My Review
First of all, sorry if it’s short, I’ve been extremely busy.
In your description, it should be loses , not looses . Also, the sentence should end with a question mark and you don’t need capitals in the beginning of every word that comes after the first word.
LUNA: Ash is stupid. It’s not hard to grab him. <- much better when it’s written like this
Sometimes when the characters spoke dialogue, they didn’t do any animations which looked extremely awkward.
LUNA: No Gael, n o. <- the n in no shouldn’t be capitalized as it comes after a comma , not a period.
LUNA: Meet me tonight at ten… <- add the “me” in there
GAEL: Unfair, I don’t speak P olish. <- a comma after unfair and the p in polish should be capitalized.
When Luna and Gael are in the party, talking about splitting up, their height looks very strange compared to the height of the background characters . That’s a spot direction issue that needs to be fixed.
Sometimes you were missing a question mark when Luna was asking a question.
LUNA: Gael, will you do the honors? <- much smoother to write
LUNA: You’re going to be begging for your life by the end of the night. <- you’re (you + are) not your
The your vs you’re mess-up occured elsewhere in the story also.
“So the story will get longer after episode five because I’m trying to get the hang of coding again” <- better to write this although I’d advise scraping this part from your story.
OK, overall there were a few grammar errors and directing ones but it seems interesting so far. A little random at times (like when she shot magic) but nicely written interactions full of emotions.
(I’d advise you to spice up your story in terms of directing (more zooms and more spot direction, especially). Great job! 
Thank you to @JemU776 for this review.
Kimballet's Review
My review for Deep Abysss
Deep Abysss review for Episode 1:
My live thoughts reading Episode 1:
I have no idea what this will be about since description doesn’t give too much away, so I’m excited!
The author introduction at the beginning was not necessary, since all you said was that credits will come at the end, and that’s very common, so no need for that, in my opinion.
“Other times the are for the worse ” not worst .
Add a second animation for Luna’s second line of dialogue since now she says it with her mouth closed.
You’re going to need to edit out swear words, per the new guidelines.
Again, use a different talking animation for each line of dialogue since now Luna is speaking a lot with her mouth closed. Or you can do a loopinijg one (Not familiar enough with Ink to suggest one).
Ok, now I’m wondering what he was snitching about… guess that will be revealed later. And it is interesting to have a female anti-hero.
Chapter is kind of short, but you know that and there’s nothing wrong with that per se.
All in all, pretty good pilot for your story. It left the reader wanting more. Fix a few directing issues and one or two grammar things (I may have missed some others while reading).
Thank you to @kimballet for this review.
OreoBiscuit's Review
Deep Abyss.
Episode 1:
Having the author appear at the beginning of the story just to say that credit will be given at the end was unnecessary. The credits could’ve just been given at the end without that being done.
There was a directing error during the first scene with Luna with the transitioning in.
You used a talking animation for one speech when Luna was talking so the rest of the time when she was supposed to be talking, she was just standing there. The same thing happened again in the next scene with Gael.
In the club dance floor scene, the background characters could be positioned and scaled a lot better. Perhaps spot directing them a little further back and making them smaller than Gael and Luna. The background characters are also just standing there. Maybe have them do a looping animation to make it seem a little more realistic.
In the alleyway scene, Ash and Luna are stood extremely close to eaach other and when Ash speaks, the speech bubble is pointed the opposite way to where he is stood.
Again, Luna is idle when she is speaking.
I think it would’ve made more sense to have Sawyer enter from screen right instead of screen left and when he speaks, the speech bubble is not facing towards him.
The overlay should’ve at least been layered in front of Luna to make it more visible and maybe you could’ve then layered Luna in front of Sawyer to show that magic beam or whatever it was, hitting Sawyer.
The ending was okay, I think it was a nice place to end however, it didn’t have that dramatic affect that I think you were going for.
Telling us we have to wait 4 more episodes before the story reaches a decent length will make people stop reading the story. If you feel like your coding is not that great enough to have to make the readers wait a few episodes for a decent story, you should’ve practiced a bit more before publishing the story. I understand wanting to hurry up and publish though, I’ve been there lol.
Overall review:
Already the description gives no information to what the story is about so when reading the story, I was expecting more explaining (by showing not telling of course) what was going on, why it was happening and more details about the characters, but that was never given. The story doesn’t really make much sense as it didn’t tell us anything.
Punctuation was used which was great.
Honestly, the first episode wasn’t that good enough or didn’t really grab my attention enough to make me want to continue.
Thank you to @OreoBiscuit for this review.
3 Likes
We have re-opened so feel free to request for a review 
1 Like
Thank you for the advice i will take it into consideration and fix up my chapters
If i wanted to review my other story would that be possible?
2 Likes
No problem and of course! I saw your story says discontinued so that really worried me 
2 Likes
Haha it’s just while I fix it up K don’t want people to waste there passes and my other story is called Attracting Danger Take your time and do it whenever no rush
Well i wish you much luck on your episode journey 
May you provide more details? Ex. Story Name, Author Name on the app, Genre, Story Description, Style, Current Chapters & Story Link, etc
1 Like
Hey story review request please!
Author Name: SRS
Story Title: Target
Genre & Style: Mystery & Limelight
Description: Your mom was murdered and you were belived to think is was innocent. Nothing more. However when murder cases start to appear in your new city, you know that you are his next target. Will you and Jace Carson be able to find out who is the murder in time or will you die with proof? Family secrets, lies, and betrayals awaits you.
CC, LI, Choice Matter
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5961930186752000
Cover:
Of course Might have to wait a while though
1 Like
no worries!
1 Like
Yep so
Name: Attracting Danger
Author Name: Astra
Genre: Action
Description: What happens if your kidnapped for seeing a murder? How will you escape? Will you? Not your typical ending.
Style: Ink
Chapters: 5 about to be 6
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5208920661753856
Cover: I know there is a gun I have a new one being made for the large and small cover
Thank you
1 Like
Our Reviews for the story Attracting Danger by @Luna1559
Annieways' Review
First impression
I like your cover art but you will have to remove the gun in order to comply with the new guidelines. There’s a grammar mistake in the description: What happens if your you’re kidnapped for seeing a murder?
Characters
I kinda like Mila’s character, she is confident and able to stand up for herself. I was glad to see that she didn’t immediately fell in love with the gang leader, and she is not acting awkwardly either. I think Lorenzo’s personality fits his role, but at the same time he is still a decent human being meaning he’s not an a abusive a**hole, so I think you did a pretty good job with this.
The green haired guy looks an interesting character to me lol: “You can call me Papi.” I just chuckled, oh my God 
Plot
I have to say I’m not a fan of this theme, but I kind of enjoyed it, probably because of the characterization.
I can’t say I was surprised that MC got kidnapped at the end of the first episode, but I like that you end your chapters with cliffhangers. This was done pretty well in episode 2. I also liked how you continued this scene in episode 3, when it turned out that Mila was aiming for a target figure, and not for Lorenzo. However, I’m pretty sure you forgot to reset zoom after the shooting scene, because characters are cut in half.
Directing
The zooming issue what I just mentioned came up several times throughout the story, so make sure to preview everything on your phone. (There’s another example for this in the beginning of chapter 2).
I noticed that some speechbubbles were off too, but that’s possibly can be fixed after resetting the zooms.
In episode 1 the mom is popping up on screen in the bedroom where she is drinking. This happens to Lorenzo too in the beginning of chapter 3. Make sure to place your characters on screen before the transition and use & instead of @ for spot directing.
You have the same issue with transitions as in your previous story. You will need to end scenes with @transition fade out, and then after you set the new scene it should be @transition fade in.
Grammar, language
I’m not a native speaker, so I will leave it to Jem to correct all your grammar mistakes, I just want to mention a few things I noticed:
- The verb you are looking for is lose - loose is rather used as an adjective
- The difference between your and you’re - the first one is a possessive pronoun
- “You kidnapped me for 3 months”. - To me this sentence didn’t come off as you probably intended, however I understand what you meant. You could maybe change it like this: “You kidnapped me 3 months ago.”/ “I’ve been here for 3 months.” (Also I think it looks better if you write “three” instead of 3, but that’s just my personal preference.)
- I saw that you censored some words, but you missed the F word at the end of chapter 1 and at the beginning of chapter 2, so make sure to go back and check it.
Overall
As I already said I’m not a fan of these gang stories, but there’s obviously a large audience for it on Episode, so if you have your grammar checked and fix some directing errors, I’m sure the reads will come in eventually.
Thank you to @Annieways for this review.
JemU776's Review
My Review:
First of all, in your description, it should say:
“What happens if you’re kidnapped for seeing a murder?” <- you’re (you + are) not your
The “How will you escape? Will you?” line doesn’t make any sense.
"Will you escape? If so, how?" <- this makes more sense
The intro was pretty cool but it could flow a bit smoother.
When you’re on the flashback, Nina randomly pops out of thin air.
NINA: Breakfast is ready. I have to go to work. <- much better to separate these lines with a period.
MILA was a bit repetitive when she asked her mother why she’s doing this.
When Mila walks up to her mother who’s on the couch, her height looks very awkward.
You were missing a lot of question marks (?) throughout your episode.
MILA: Why can’t you get that in your hea d? <- There should be a question mark at the end of this.
MILA: I work my a*s off everyday… <- off , not of
NINA: I need time to grieve. Why don’t you get that? <- much better to write
"two years" as opposed to "2 years"
“As you hear her say those words, you immediately freeze and throw a glass on the floor” OR “As you heard her say those words, you immediately froze and threw a glass on the floor” - pick either the past tense or present tense and stick with it for this, don’t mix them.
You were missing commas sometimes.
In the hospital you used “too” when it should have been “to”
I like the filters you used for the flashbacks, very cool.
DOCTOR: Can you tell me his name? Also, how are you related to him? <- better to write this
Hmm, the doctor should ask more questions and oh man, poor Nina’s husband, I can tell from his injuries that he’s been through a lot of pain.
When you have a flashback of Nina, alone in her room drinking, she randomly pops up on screen (I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have teleportation).
When you’re talking about enjoying her presence, that line doesn’t make sense.
Remember to show, not tell.
Mila randomly pops up in her room and the transition occurs awkwardly.
Again, you’re missing a question mark in this scene and zoom in on Mila as she thinks. Actually, when you do zoom in on her, it’s strange as you get her head and a bunch of the background on top of her ( you don’t want that so zoom in on her in a way in which we see mainly her ).
“a** off” not “a** of”
You should have Mila stand screen center in her room instead of screen left so the focus is on her.
As the NARRATOR says “You walked out of the house angrily, not knowing where you were going.” you have Mila smiling as she walks.
Oh no, I can’t believe Mila followed the gunshot sound…
You will need to censor the f word because of the new guidelines that will take place on the 10th of October. Also, in the same sentence she says the f word, you are missing a question mark (a common issue in your whole episode).
OMG, I can’t believe she fainted?! If I was her, I would have bolted out of there. Also, Lorenzo gives me creepy vibes.
OK, overall, it seems interesting but there were a few directing errors such as characters popping up, zooming problems and spelling/grammar errors such as question marks missing as well as too much of the narrator speaking. Fix these issues and you should be good to go! Good luck <3
Thank you to @JemU776 for this review.
xxLoveAaliyah's Review
Attracting Danger.
Directing and Grammatical Errors.
- The mom, I assume. She’s too big and it is obvious she isn’t sitting in the chair. Size her down and back a bit.
- When you are zooming into the MC. The camera is way above her head. Bring the camera closer to her face to avoid that awkward shot.
- The flashback scene. Characters pop in. To avoid them popping in. Write your scene using & instead of using the at symbol. After you placed all the characters then put your transition after.
- You have food’s. That is incorrect it should be food only.
- Not a huge deal, but because I’m picky. You should put the speech bubbles either under their mouth or closer to their face.
- Mila does this weird levitate thing when waking up the mom. Use the @ symbol when making her walk over there. @MILA walks to 1.280 23 546 AND MILA is walk_neutral something like that.
- This sentence doesn’t make sense and I will try my best to make it understandable. “Why are you doing this?” You can keep it simple.
- When the characters are done talking, you should put them in an idle loop animation. (If Ink has that)
- This sentence needs to be worded differently and it needs a question mark at the end. “Why can’t you get that through your head?”
- Wrong word. “I work my a** off for you every day because you haven’t gone to work since dad died!”
- I need time to grieve, why don’t you get that? A question mark and comma is needed here.
- The camera angle was weird again.
- To avoid the filer fading in while the scene is already up. Add a zero at the end of the command.
- “Is there someone we can talk to. ” To is the correct word to use here.
- Nina’s speech bubble is on the doctor.
- “Can you tell me what his name is? Also, how are you related to him?” This is how you need to write it.
- The mom pops into the screen. Write it this way. &MOM stands back left in zone 1 AND MOM faces right AND MOM is sip_cup_neutral
- I’m not sure if English is your first language. I’m going to assume it’s not. But, a lot of sentence does not make sense. You’re also lacking punctuation.
- Your transition looked like a fade-out instead of fade in.
- The difference between of and off. A small English lesson. “Aaliyah, will you turn off the water?” “ Of course, I will turn off the water.”
- Using transitions will make a story look put together, in my opinion
All errors listed above are from episode one.
- Your spot directing needs a lot of work.
- It looks like you used transitions fade out instead of transitions fade in. Make sure to check that.
- The speech bubbles are on the left while Mila is facing the right. And, the camera isn’t on Mila. At least it isn’t centered.
- Mila stills has the bat in her hand.
- The camera is zoomed in awkward. It is becoming clear to me that you don’t look at the app to make sure everything is okay.
- Mila is repeating herself over and over.
- “The food is ready.** Use this instead.
All errors listed above are from episode two.
Personal comments.
I understand both the daughter and the mother is grieving over the loss of their husband and dad, but Mila is a bitch and a bit disrespectful. She throws a glass and then tells her mother to clean it? That’s disrespectful.
I’m not a doctor or even close to being one, but the scene felt like it lacked information. Two questions are not nearly enough.
It is a bit strange to walk outside in your underwear, at least where I’m from it is.
Show don’t tell. This will come a long way. Remember to censor the word fuck.
Overall comments.
To be frank, this story needs a lot of work. You have a lot of grammatical mistakes, a lot of directing mistakes, word formatting and structure is off. I would advise getting a proofreader because bad grammatical can put sometimes off. Your storyline seems to be underdeveloped and the same goes for the characters. This story can be better if you take time and develop it more. Personally, mafia stories aren’t for me so I can be a bit biased, but reading this story felt like reading every mafia story on the app.
Thank you to @LiyahxWrites for this review.
4 Likes
Thank you for the reviews it really helps and yeah english isn’t my first language so i will find a way to get the grammar correct 
Thank you so much again for putting the time and effort in to help me make my story better 
1 Like
Hey @Writer_SA just giving you a heads up that your reviews will be out at approx. 6 pm EST today on Saturday October 5 
1 Like