Our Reviews for the story Deep Abyss by @Luna1559 
Annieways' Review
My Review:
First impression
I like the cover, but to me the description doesn’t really make sense without the context, I think it should be a little more detailed. Also: “looses control” should be “loses control”.
Characters
I usually like strong female MCs, but Luna seemed to be too… bossy I guess? I wouldn’t mind her being sassy or even angry in certain situations, but I felt that her behavior was not justifiable in many cases. On the other hand, I was expecting Gael to be a strong character, but he kind of behaved like Luna’s sidekick. He was doing these awkward animations pretty often, which I’m guessing is because he likes Luna, but I think it would be more realistic if he hid it a little better since they work together and they have to focus on that in the first place.
Plot
I didn’t really get to understand what power Luna has and where did that come from. Like this it looked a little random to me.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m also not sure what mission they are on exactly.
As for a story about criminals, I think you put too much emphasis on what the girls would wear for the party in episode 3. I would have expected them to just put something on, then go get the job done.
Directing
You have characters talking without animations, and sometimes you miss to use idle_loop animations when the characters stop talking. These two things are pretty easy to fix and I really suggest you to do it, because it distracts readers from the story. Your speechbubbles would need some fixing too.
I think you use transition fade out instead of transition fade in because new backgrounds appear for a sec then fade out and appear again.
Your spot directing is OK, but there are some scenes that you might want to check out:
At the club scene in episode 1 some of your background characters need to be scaled smaller. I would also suggest you to make them do some looping animation (both dancing or talking animations would work), because it looks odd that they are all just standing there.
In the next scene when Luna, Gael and Ash are outside the club, they stand way too close to each other. To me it doesn’t look like a talking distance, but rather a “touching distance” lol. Sometimes they are even covering each other’s faces while talking.
I think it’s really weird that Gael takes away the dead body in a box 
Maybe you could make him tinker_kneel_loop in another zone, then zoom on the MC so you wouldn’t have to show the dead body at all. It would probably better fit the guidelines too.
Other thoughts
The author note that you will put the credits in the end of the episode is not necessary. Just add them in the end.
Also, saying that episodes will get longer after chapter 5 is usually an instant turn off for readers. It’s possible that they haven’t even noticed your chapter was short, but now you’re drawing attention to it. If you really think your episodes are too short, the best thing you can do is to make them longer.
You don’t have excessive swearing but make sure to censor the curse words to be in line with the new guidelines.
Overall, I think this would be a more interesting read if we knew more about the characters, the reasoning behind their behavior and if you gave some background information on what the gang’s goals are exactly.
Thank you to @Annieways for this review.
_haruka's Review
Here’s my review:
Deep Abyss Review
First Impression
The description was a little vague and doesn’t really tell you what the story is about, and it’s difficult to understand without having read the story itself. Maybe you could put a little more detail? Also, instead of ‘looses’ it should be ‘loses’. I also noticed this in the story itself, ‘loose’ was used instead of ‘lose’. Loose is a word, but it means the opposite of tight 
Characters
Luna was pretty bossy and some of her actions were a little overkill, but maybe this is part of ‘losing control’. Sometimes it helps if the MC is more relatable, as it helps readers get into the story more. But that’s up to you. Gael seemed very passive and awkward, like when he decided to take the hit for Luna when she shot Ash, but in other scenes, he randomly takes the lead and becomes confident, so this inconsistency may be something to think about. Maybe it’s just me, maybe he just really likes Luna 
Plot
There wasn’t much about this power that Luna seems to have. It could just be because I only read 3 episodes, but maybe you could consider putting in hints about where it came from and what exactly it is. The aim of their mission was also a little unclear?
For this type of story (spies, missions, killing), I think there was a bit too much focus and time spent on what they would be wearing to the party. The dressing game for Luna was cool, but it took a tad too much time with that along with what her friend would be wearing. They seem like the type of people that’d just put something on and get on with the mission.
I don’t think I spotted any choices apart from the dressing game, so this may also be something to work on.
Directing
Sometimes you have characters talking, but their mouths aren’t moving, and sometimes it’s that their mouths are moving, but they aren’t talking. Animations don’t just stop when the character stops talking, so you could use the idle_loop animation when they stop talking, and either use a looped talking animation or put it again every so often if they’re talking for a while.
Not sure how this happens as I don’t code all that much, but in a new scene, the background pops in for a second, fade out, and then transition in again.
At the club scene, Ep1, the background characters need to be a little smaller and they are also kind of just standing there, which looks a tad awkward. I’d suggest using a looping animation (dancing, talking) for them to make it seem more natural.
In the next scene, when Ash, Gael and Luna are talking, they are all really close to each other, particularly Gael and Ash. A lot of the time they cover each other’s faces when they talk, and the shooting and punching also looks strange as they are way too close together.
It’s quite strange that Gael takes Ash’s body away in a box realistically, this probably wouldn’t happen, and the body wouldn’t fit in the box. Maybe have Gael do a kneeling animation or something and zoom in on the MC, because then you don’t have to show the body, which fits the new guidelines better.
In the above picture, the gurney (or trolley or whatever you call it 
) is way too small for Ash to fit on it. I’d suggest making it bigger.
Other
The notice at the beginning of Episode 1 about you putting the credits in at the end of the episode isn’t really necessary. Just putting the credits at the end of the episode is fine 
I didn’t actually notice that the episodes were particularly short, and saying that they will be longer only draws attention to it. Rather than telling them that you’ll make them longer, just make them longer.
Make sure you check out the new guidelines and ensure your story fits them. This is not an official guide, but you might find this thread useful.
In the above picture, is the modified ‘scary’ version not supposed to fill the whole screen?
Spelling and Grammar
Only things I noticed:
- ‘Loose’ and ‘loosing’ should be ‘lose’ and ‘losing’.
- A few times, you use your where you’re should be used. Your is used to indicate that something belongs to someone- “Can I borrow your pen?” Sally asked. You’re is used as an abbreviation for ‘you are’- “You’re really funny!” Sally exclaimed.
Overall, I think this could be a good and interesting read if we knew a little more about the characters, and if they and the plot was more developed.
Thank you to @_haruka for this review.
JemU776's Review
My Review 
First of all, sorry if it’s short, I’ve been extremely busy.
In your description, it should be loses , not looses . Also, the sentence should end with a question mark and you don’t need capitals in the beginning of every word that comes after the first word.
LUNA: Ash is stupid. It’s not hard to grab him. <- much better when it’s written like this
Sometimes when the characters spoke dialogue, they didn’t do any animations which looked extremely awkward.
LUNA: No Gael, n o. <- the n in no shouldn’t be capitalized as it comes after a comma , not a period.
LUNA: Meet me tonight at ten… <- add the “me” in there
GAEL: Unfair, I don’t speak P olish. <- a comma after unfair and the p in polish should be capitalized.
When Luna and Gael are in the party, talking about splitting up, their height looks very strange compared to the height of the background characters . That’s a spot direction issue that needs to be fixed.
Sometimes you were missing a question mark when Luna was asking a question.
LUNA: Gael, will you do the honors? <- much smoother to write
LUNA: You’re going to be begging for your life by the end of the night. <- you’re (you + are) not your
The your vs you’re mess-up occured elsewhere in the story also.
“So the story will get longer after episode five because I’m trying to get the hang of coding again” <- better to write this although I’d advise scraping this part from your story.
OK, overall there were a few grammar errors and directing ones but it seems interesting so far. A little random at times (like when she shot magic) but nicely written interactions full of emotions.
(I’d advise you to spice up your story in terms of directing (more zooms and more spot direction, especially). Great job! 
Thank you to @JemU776 for this review.
Kimballet's Review
My review for Deep Abysss
Deep Abysss review for Episode 1:
My live thoughts reading Episode 1:
I have no idea what this will be about since description doesn’t give too much away, so I’m excited!
The author introduction at the beginning was not necessary, since all you said was that credits will come at the end, and that’s very common, so no need for that, in my opinion.
“Other times the are for the worse ” not worst .
Add a second animation for Luna’s second line of dialogue since now she says it with her mouth closed.
You’re going to need to edit out swear words, per the new guidelines.
Again, use a different talking animation for each line of dialogue since now Luna is speaking a lot with her mouth closed. Or you can do a loopinijg one (Not familiar enough with Ink to suggest one).
Ok, now I’m wondering what he was snitching about… guess that will be revealed later. And it is interesting to have a female anti-hero.
Chapter is kind of short, but you know that and there’s nothing wrong with that per se.
All in all, pretty good pilot for your story. It left the reader wanting more. Fix a few directing issues and one or two grammar things (I may have missed some others while reading).
Thank you to @kimballet for this review.
OreoBiscuit's Review
Deep Abyss.
Episode 1:
Having the author appear at the beginning of the story just to say that credit will be given at the end was unnecessary. The credits could’ve just been given at the end without that being done.
There was a directing error during the first scene with Luna with the transitioning in.
You used a talking animation for one speech when Luna was talking so the rest of the time when she was supposed to be talking, she was just standing there. The same thing happened again in the next scene with Gael.
In the club dance floor scene, the background characters could be positioned and scaled a lot better. Perhaps spot directing them a little further back and making them smaller than Gael and Luna. The background characters are also just standing there. Maybe have them do a looping animation to make it seem a little more realistic.
In the alleyway scene, Ash and Luna are stood extremely close to eaach other and when Ash speaks, the speech bubble is pointed the opposite way to where he is stood.
Again, Luna is idle when she is speaking.
I think it would’ve made more sense to have Sawyer enter from screen right instead of screen left and when he speaks, the speech bubble is not facing towards him.
The overlay should’ve at least been layered in front of Luna to make it more visible and maybe you could’ve then layered Luna in front of Sawyer to show that magic beam or whatever it was, hitting Sawyer.
The ending was okay, I think it was a nice place to end however, it didn’t have that dramatic affect that I think you were going for.
Telling us we have to wait 4 more episodes before the story reaches a decent length will make people stop reading the story. If you feel like your coding is not that great enough to have to make the readers wait a few episodes for a decent story, you should’ve practiced a bit more before publishing the story. I understand wanting to hurry up and publish though, I’ve been there lol.
Overall review:
Already the description gives no information to what the story is about so when reading the story, I was expecting more explaining (by showing not telling of course) what was going on, why it was happening and more details about the characters, but that was never given. The story doesn’t really make much sense as it didn’t tell us anything.
Punctuation was used which was great.
Honestly, the first episode wasn’t that good enough or didn’t really grab my attention enough to make me want to continue.
Thank you to @OreoBiscuit for this review.