Our Reviews for the story Target by @Writer_SA 
Annieways' Review
First impression
I haven’t read much mystery lately so this is going to be a refreshing read to me. The cover looks nice.
Characters
Blair was a sympathic character, however I think you could work on the way you showcase her feelings and personality.
First of all, I noticed that she is talking to herself a lot. I think in these short scenes it would look much better if you used thought bubbles instead of speech bubbles. And sometimes narration would work the best: for example at the beginning of episode 1, I found it pretty weird that she told a story directly to the readers.
I liked the dad, he is definitely a caring person, but I think he did a few weird things too, but I will go into details later.
I read only the first 3 chapters so I don’t know much about the love interest, but he seems cool.
Plot
There were quite a few plot holes in the story, and a few other things I didn’t quite understand.
To start with, I wanted to know more about why the mum was murdered, but I hope it will be explained later. Regarding the dead body, I’m not sure how graphic you can be, but you may want to check this with the review team if you haven’t done it yet. Also, it was kinda random how you introduced this flashback scene. Before that, Blaire was talking about switching off the lights, and after the murder scene she cried for a second, and then she suddenly looked happy. Even if she moved on, I think she should look sad for a while when remembering this.
Another thing was when Blair mentioned that she already finished her studies, so she would look for a job, but the dad told her she didn’t need it, and I was like: why? Are they that rich? 
Since you put a lot of focus on the job in the story, I think it would make more sense if the dad just wished her good luck or something like that.
Then I didn’t understand when the friends just randomly appeared at their house late at night. Who let them in? Also, why was Blaire surprised when they mentioned the black rose? She heard that earlier on the news.
Later I guess I figured out who let the girls in, because dad knew about the complete stranger in her daughter’s room, but he decided not notify her about it… I would have freaked out as well, why did he do this? 
I have so many questions.
Directing
What I noticed as a recurring directing error is that your transitions don’t look as they supposed to, so you should check them out. Also, make sure to put your characters into idle animations when they stopped talking.
Some other things you may want to fix:
- At the dinner scene you forgot to cut to zone 1 after the dad asked if they had finished the meal.
- I think you have a zooming issue at the beginning of episode 3, because I can’t see Blaire. I tried to close and reopen the app, but it didn’t resolve it. Yes, now dad enters, but I can’t see him either. You should probably reset the zoom.
- In episode 3, Sherry is sliding in instead of walking into the kitchen.
- In the mini game some customers randomly pop up on screen.
Grammar
Your sentences were easy to understand but I still think you should get the story checked by a proofreader. You have a lot of spelling errors, such as:
delcious - delicious
definatly - definitely
conversatin - conversation
resteraunt - restaurant
peircing - piercing
nesscary - necessary
competetion - competition
chocoalte - chocolate
Overall
I must admit I didn’t really got engaged with the story, but I think that’s mainly because of the unrealistic scenes and events.
I have to add that I’m that annoying person who wouldn’t let you watch a movie without making comments on every single plot hole, while I know that other people don’t necessarily care about this.
Think over if you have ideas how to work on this, but again, maybe it’s just me and other readers might not find this that distracting.
Thank you to @Annieways for this review.
JemU776's Review
My Review:
So, you give us an option to customize Blaire Miles, her mom, her dad and her sister Maya. Instead you should only give us an option to customize Blaire. Use this hack:
Twins & Family Members CC - Google Docs
to automatically change the mom and sister’s look while you place the father offscreen and customize him. You should also update the CC template (you can find an updated version of it on Dara’s website)
Link:
https://www.dara-amarie.com/limelight-female-customization
You already introduced us to Blaire but you introduce us again. I feel like some parts were just repeats.
Blaire is 26 and she is worried about forgetting to close the lights to the washroom? Hmm, interesting.
You had grammar mistakes such as commas in the wrong places.
“There we go!” ← we did it, the lights have been closed vs “There, we go!” ← let’s get going.
Thank you for the lesson on keeping our lights closed, Blaire.
You should use a filter for the flashback and it was kind of abrupt when it started.
You use normal positions a lot, try to spice up your story with spot direction (I have a tutorial on this on my IG warrior.gem that you can read over)
I would highly recommend for you to go over the usage of commas. You had commas in the wrong places sometimes while at other times, you were missing commas.
When the guy in the red skeleton outfit kills Blaire’s mom, the knife and blood overlay glitches for like a second.
BLAIRE: I heard screaming. It sounded like my mom. ← better to write
You don’t need to write “red blood” just “blood” is fine since pretty much everyone knows blood is red.
The blood is on top of her. Maybe position it behind her so it’s leaking out on the floor as well?
When the flashback is over, we are back to Blaire crying and then she smiles as she says “Well enough of the past.” which scared me since her mood changed in like a second. You should have her say it sadly.
You had some spelling mistakes in your story.
“started our lives again” ← it is “again” not “agian”
You’re having Blaire tell the story which is a bit awkward.
Blaire bumping into her father and falling was very strange and the directing was off. I’d recommend to re-do this scene.
DAD: Am I invisible? ← invisible, not invisable
She’s 26 years old and still looking for a job? Man, the world is so rough on her : (
So her father tells her she doesn’t need one? Hmm, I’m assuming they’re rich?
Blaire talks about not wanting her education to go to waste yet she applies for a waitress job which confused me.
Three commas instead of two.
Blaire is like me when I see sweets XD
When Blaire goes to talk to Luna for the interview, Luna randomly appears in a chair, sitting and so does Blaire.
Blaire’s shoe is sticking out under the desk.
It says I gained 2 points, which came out of nowhere and shocked me.
It’s spelled “delicious”
DAD: Let’s watch a movie.
Let’s (let + us), not lets
Blaire and Maya were a little repetitive in this scene.
When the news came on, the reporter appeared out of nowhere.
“especially” is spelled like this.
I understand the dad wants them to be safe but Blaire is an adult.
The ending part where Blaire assumed it’s the murderer threw me off.
So, at the end of the chapter you tell us that we can earn and lose points and that we should make good choices. You should include this at the beginning and go more into detail about the points system being used.
You mention that if a background belongs to someone they should let you know for credit. In my opinion, you should not use a background if you don’t know who to credit. Also when you download backgrounds from others, when you’re naming them, put the creator’s name (ex. EXT. FLOWERGRIEFER CRUISE)
It’s cool that we can check the points we gained.
Overall, there were errors that were distracting and the episode needs a revamp but despite that, I did enjoy and it has a lot of potentional. Great job! 
Thank you to @JemU776 for this review.
MissRuby's Review
My Review of Target by SRS:
𝕋𝕒𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕊ℝ𝕊
ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 𝕓𝕪 𝕄𝕚𝕤𝕤ℝ𝕦𝕓𝕪 
𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖎𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓
I think that the cover looks good and fits the story. As for the description, maybe you should say: “Your monther was murdered” instead of “Mother = murdered”.
𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙
︎ The plot is interesting, it keeps me wondering what’s going to happen next. I love that in a story.
︎ However, some scenes just dish out something that the reader should figure out themselves throughout the story.
︎ There’s many plot holes, most of which are unrealistic events that are unlikely to happen in the real world. Here are some plot holes I’ve encountered:
- The mom screaming OMG when she hears the killer in her home. Like, you’re never going to hear a grown woman screaming OH-EM-GEE when she hears someone in her house.
- The mom treats her daughters as if they were 6 year olds. Maybe you should try and switch up some things to make them seem more like adults, not kids. For example when she said “Girls, it’s time to go to bed” and they responded with “But moooom!”, it seems like a conversation playing out between a mom and her 6 year old.
𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘
︎ You did a good job portraying the characters and their personalities, but I do think you could improve on introducing the characters to the reader.
︎ Also, a few characters look quite similar so you should change the appearances so no one gets confused. You should work on character diversity too, like different skin tones.
𝖉𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌
- For the intro of your story, the reader message had a mistake. I think that you should credit them by their username, not their real name. If you just say Alexis, no one knows who you’re talking about. There’s hundreds of people on IG named Alexis.
- When Blair entered for the CC, she suddenly got smaller when the customization choices appeared. You can fix that by copying the same spots used later on to the command where she enters.
- I think it’s a waste of time to customize literally everyone. They’re probably not going to even have that huge of a role in the story for the reader to care enough about what they look like.
- If you want to make your story more realistic by making the family of the MC look like her once she’s customized, check out this video.
- I think it’s weird that everyone runs really fast and not normal speed. It’s also kinda strange that she was complaining and just casually brings up forgetting to turn the bathroom lights off.
- I’ve noticed that your transitions look a little weird, at least not how they’re supposed to look. You should look into that to try and fix it.
- When Blair’s dad kisses Blair’s mom on the cheek, the layers are messed up so it looks like he’s kissing thin air instead of his wife. Maybe try to put her dad on layer 1 and the mom on layer 2.
𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗
Italic: Mistake
Bold: Correction
So much to do. Ughhh.
Ugh, I have so much to do.
Oh wait… shooooootttt.
Oh wait, shoot!
A 26 year old, who still forgets to close the lights to the washroom.
A 26 year old, who still forgets to turn off the washroom lights.
There, we go. It is important to close the lights everyone.
There we go. It’s important to turn off the lights, everyone!
And I didn’t know that was, the last time, I would see my mom.
Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever see my mom.
I also think that you should use contractions to make it more realistic because in the real world people use contractions more often.
I am - I’m
It is - It’s
We are - We’re
~
It’s awkward when she just says what’s happening as if she’s actually talking to someone instead of thinking. I don’t know if you understand what I mean, but here’s an example:
I finished getting ready for the party I’m going to tonight with my friends.
I finished getting ready.
~
I’ve noticed that you have quite a few spelling errors, such as decious instead of delicious , resteraunt instead of restaurant and chocoalte instead of chocolate . Try to look into that or find a proof reader to fix your spelling errors.
~
Try not to use netspeaks (LOL, OMG, WTF) because you’re writing a story, not texting your friend.
~
It’s a little strange how she says stuff in different speech bubbles when it could all just fit in one speech bubble and make more sense. Examples:
Oh no. / Why? / It’s only one day. / Don’t cry.
Oh no, why? It’s only one day, don’t cry.
𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑𝖑
I honestly think you did pretty good. Your directing was all good except for the transition mistakes and some entering errors. But don’t be discouraged, practice makes perfect. 
Thank you to @rubywrites for this review.
xxLoveAaliyah's Review
Review:
Target by SRS.
Directing and Grammar:
- A small tip for CC. You use the duplicate code. @MOM becomes MC and then you can change around a few things. Or add this inside of the CC label. That way we don’t have to cc a lot of characters.
- “ But, Mom.” Needs a comma before mom and mom don’t need to be capitalized.
- When addressing or talking to someone directly a comma goes before that name.
- “ Yeah, goodnight!” You were missing a comma.
- You should have the masked man stand closer to the mom when he slaps her.
- The blood and knife overlay is on the top of the mother opposed to being under her. You put the knife overlay at layer 1 or 0 which the back. And, the mom at layer 2 which is the front.
- You spelled invisible wrong.
- Put the characters in an idle loop animation after they are done talking.
- Glitchy overlays in the office scene. Use & & instead of the @ sign.
- Blair feet are showing under the desk overlay. Size Blair a little smaller.
- Characters look too far away from the door when they are opening it.
- Camera isn’t on Maya when she’s speaking.
- To avoid characters popping into place. Use & instead of the @
Thoughts.
The story felt all over the place. The characters were dull and lacked personality. Sometimes you would use commas in sentences that didn’t need commas, and other times you would be missing commas. The story needs work. It feels rushed and not thought through. You should also spot direct instead of using the basic commands as stands screen left. Trust me it would make or break a story. The episode was a great length, but because nothing was happening, it felt like a drag. I think you should maybe add a little more thought and development to your story especially the first episode.
Thank you to @LiyahxWrites for this review.