Review for the story The Proelium by @makxoxo1500 
OreoBiscuit's Review
The Proelieum
Episode 1
A large part of the episode is spent on long explanations and panning to the end of the zone before transitioning out and then repeating the same process again with a new background. I guess that is fine with some of the the things that were written however, quite a few things could’ve been shown and not explained as it got a little boring reading the narration and admittedly started just quickly tapping to hurry up and move on.
In the 7 years prior scene, it looked as if Valerie pops up unto her spot. As I’ve seen during later scenes that that doesn’t happen again, I know you know how to fix that.
In that same scene, have valerie go back to doing the idle sit legs up animation as her lips are still moving when her mother is speaking.
There seems to be a lot of panning going on that doesn’t really seem necessary. Having a few pans is fine but when you start to pan nearly everything, it makes the episode seem like a drag.
In the scene where the nanny is first shown, the speech bubble is pointed towards Valerie when Aiden is the one speaking.
In the secret meeting spot scene, the speech bubble faces the wrong way when Aiden is speaking.
The episode is a decent length, the characters are shown quite well and the spot directing is good. The episode is a little dull but I guess that is because it was more of an introduction episode? I dunno.
Episode 2
In the confrontation scene, the speech bubble was not facing Valerie and was covering the green person’s face. The same problem happens again when Lilith makes her first appearance.
Although the spot directing is done well, the characters look a bit small for the background. They kind of look like little dolls lol. Maybe scale them a little bigger so that it looks more better.
For the flashback scene, it’s great that there is a trigger warning however, I think an option to skip the scene would’ve also been great. Although not gone into much detail which is also great, it’s still better to add the option as it can still trigger some readers.
A lot of panning and zooming between characters in a number of seconds were done where it would’ve been much cleaner if you just zoomed from one character to another in 0.
Another warning should’ve been added for the next flashback scene as it wasn’t really expected and can come off as a shock to a lot of readers and another option to skip should’ve also been added.
At the end of the episode, it says end of chapter 1 when it’s actually the end of chapter 2.
Overall feedback
The story so far seems a little dull. Maybe more will happen in future episodes I don’t know, but it is still good to make sure the episodes are interesting enough to make readers want to continue.
The directing is great and your punctuation and grammar is also good.
Thank you to @OreoBiscuit for this review.
Simila100's Review
My review for “The Proelium” :
Directing -
- A few minor directing issues, but can be easily fixed: Sound sometimes cuts off unexpectedly, and sounds unnatural. Maybe you can fade out / fade in the music to make it sound less arupt? Just a suggestion, of course!
- Another sound issue there was: In the scene introducing the mother / father, the music from the previous scene carried over before cutting out unexpectedly for the new music. Maybe you could fade it out to make it sound more natural, although that’s entirely up to you.
- When Valerie and Aiden meet to talk about their guest, the story pans all the way into the second zone to show Aiden getting out of his seat to talk to his sister, which seems a little unnecessary imo.
- In the scene where the MC jumps out of bed because of her nightmare, her roommate popped into the scene randomly, maybe you could use & to make the coding more smooth. Also, the MC is extremely small in her bed.
- In the authors’ note FAQ, the speech bubbles are sometimes messed up and point to the wrong author?
Storyline -
- I like the overall idea, about how the Earth had become destroyed. However, in the beginning, there is some extremely long narration, and personally, I prefer if authors show, not tell . Just my thoughts, maybe you could show the reader what’s going on?
First impressions -
- Pretty positive first impressions, it was interesting to see how the Earth deteriorated and how humans gained powers.
Overall thoughts -
- Neutral opinion; I like the storyline and how only certain people are allowed into the city, however there was a lot of narration.
Thank you to @Simila100 for this review.