✨ The Givers Club ✨

  • I just want to add on that the Givers Club post (first post in this thread) will be constantly updated. So if you’re looking for the most current information, that’s your best resource to check. Don’t rely too much on comments about the status of our group throughout the posts within this thread, read through the first post, always, thanks :heart:
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Review for the story The Depths of Newport by @baechulgi :icecream: :revolving_hearts:

JemU776's Review

My Review:

When you’re having the characters be customized and then have them walk off the screen, use their same height and floor level (so keep the % and Y same and change only the X; to know what these symbols stand for, check out the tutorial I linked below). You have them walk off all the way further into the screen as they get smaller and then they exit the scene which looks strange. Use spot direction to make them exit. I have a tutorial here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/B1-frBxnHgb/?igshid=7luysws1mik7

I clicked a little fast haha but I’ve managed to come across a lot of what needs to be fixed.

You used a filter for a flashback but it took some time to settle in. Add “in 0” to your filter so it takes no seconds at all to kick in.

While they’re in the car, sometimes when the guy speaks, he doesn’t do any animations at all.

Screenshots with errors:

NADA: Oh god, I’m way more nervous than I should be. <- there should be a comma after god

A common error where you wrote stuff like “just …” when it should be “just…” so the three dots should be right next to the word.

“You’re new, aren’t you?” <- a comma (,) should go there. Also, when Jade walks up to the MC, she does so awkwardly. Make her walk rear smoothly. I have a thread on rear animations: HOW TO: Rear Animations

When Jade is introducing MC around the school, she’s in a new location and doing an animation from the previous scene, which looks strange (this error occured more than once and it disrupts the smooth flow).

Lol :joy: :rabbit: :rabbit2: :blob_hearts:

Liam randomly pops up into the scene and when he walks offscreen, he gets shorter.

LIAM: Sorry I’m late, Ms. Lee. <- there should be a comma (,) in this sentence.

Oh my :astonished:


CLAIRE: I consider her as one of the only people I can trust. <- your sentence was a little awkward so I’d recommend to write it like this.

Cough, cough, you just need to meet us Givers, there are people who do kindness out of their hearts even if they are rare :wilted_flower:

OK, overall, I see you use a lot of normal positions. I’d recommend to spice up your story using spot direction. Also, there were many awkward pauses which made it difficult to go over, sometimes. I highly recommend for you to go over script symbols (Dara’s website has a guide on this). But I did enjoy and I especially found the bunny part very funny + cute! :revolving_hearts:

Another thing! :blob_sun:

It would be nice if choices were color coded when the points system is being used :blob_turtle:

Thank you to @JemU776 for this review.

lowkeyFrosty's Review

My Review:

I basically found almost nothing wrong with your story just a few grammatical, word errors as @JemU776 stated above. When spotting your characters remember to use the spot codes and seconds to make it go smoother. I also feel like when u add the animations they come out really slow, so I suggest adding animations to every dialogue line you incorporate. Also remember to use and, and then.

An example would be
@CHARACTER starts animation_oof THEN CHARACTER is animation_startled
And so on^
Other than that, your story has potential. Good luck writing :relieved:

Thank you to @xetic for this review.

Simila100's Review

My review for “Depths of Newport” :

Directing -

  • I didn’t see any mistakes throughout the first chapter, except for a minor mistake which I think was unintended: (For reference, I had the MC choose to talk to the nice girl) When the MC thinks “It’s refreshing” regarding how enthusiastic the girl was, the thought bubble is actually a speech bubble, making it look like the MC’s speaking her thoughts.
  • A little side note: When the girl walked up to the MC to ask if she was new, there was some very long pauses in between their conversation, making it seem a little dragged out? Also, because of the pauses, the other girl was sometimes frozen after finishing her animation, before resuming again to talk to the MC.

Storyline -

  • Great introduction to the storyline, and I enjoyed it! I liked how the MC’s entire life changed when she had to register under the WPP, after she witnessed the crime.
  • Clever introduction to the “Mean girl.” :joy: At first, I assumed she was just one of those cliche mean girls that wanted to prevent the MC from being with Liam, but later on realized it was because she wanted to be with someone who was also lesbian / bi.

First impressions -

  • Great first impression, and awesome way how you ended off the first chapter. Added to my favorites! :kissing_heart:

Thank you to @Simila100 for this review.

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@JemU776 @xetic Thank you for the insightful reviews! I’ll definitely make sure to correct those grammatical errors, focus on spot direction, and add in color coded choices when the point system is being used!

@Simila100 Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed the introduction for Claire! Yeah, I wanted to subvert that mean girls trope where the mean girl falls for the main character instead of the typical popular guy love interest!

Looks like I should get someone to proofread my story!

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Aw thank you for giving us such a lovely story to review! :kissing_heart:

I definitely think this idea is very creative and unique! I’d love to see where it goes, and how the story will progress!

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Review for the story The Society (of Haverford) by @selvinachen61 :icecream: :revolving_hearts:

Annieways' Review

The Society (of Haverford) review

First impression
I like the covers and the premise of the story, I’m interested to see how this works out. There is a typo in the description, it should be “What happen s

Characters
I… I don’t really like Juliette, is that a bad thing? :sweat_smile:
Wow, later I found out that she was not the actual MC of the story, and I’m playing as Andy. You surprised me, in a good way.
Romeo seems cool, I kinda wish he was my love interest and not Juliette’s lol. Or is he? :thinking:

Plot
I think the narrations at the beginning were too long, and I’m not sure I would normally continue reading after the first chapter because of this. I would maybe consider to add a few dialogue lines in between to make it more interesting.
Also, the ending of the first chapter was a little random. Instead of asking the “What will happen” questions, maybe you could try add another scene(s) that make the reader ask these questions to themselves?

The next chapters were much more interesting to me, because they were focused on the dialogues, and you used narrations mainly in flashbacks, which I think is a nice way of using them.

Directing
Overall, I liked your directing but I have to point out quite a few things:

  • In the first chapter Lexi keeps talking when it’s Juliette’s dialogue, and since she’s the one in the foreground and Juliette is in the background, it’s pretty distracting. Put Lexi into an idle animation and maybe zoom on Juliette when she is the one talking.
  • You have characters talking without animations. It happens only a few times, but almost in every scene, so make sure to add animation to every dialogue line, it will look much better.
  • I liked that you combined the cinematic style with Spotlight. I felt that using Spotlight was a nice and clever way to add the phone conversations.
  • There are layering issues in the campus scene with Juliette and the girls in episode 2.
  • In episode 3, Andy looks too small when she wakes up in bed, you will need to scale her bigger.
  • After the flashback scene in episode 3, I think you cut to the wrong zone because I can’t see the characters. Also, you forgot to reset the filter.
  • The boys are popping up on screen one by one at the Blue Eagle’s meeting. Use & instead of @ when placing the characters.

Author notes
I think your author intro in episode 1 was too long. I would suggest you to try shortening it, because some readers might get bored and click out before the story even starts. Explaining the character points is good, but saying things like your directing will get better is not necessary.

Overall
I love the idea, especially that you are trying to approach it in a comedic way. I enjoyed reading it, but mostly from episode 2, so I would suggest again to reduce the narration and add more dialogue lines in episode 1 to make it more interesting.

Thank you to @Annieways for this review.

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Thank you sooo much for your review, I’ll try to improve the things you said. Once again thank you Givers’s club. :heart:

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Review by the cool member Annie btw and thanks for your sweet words about our club :blob_hearts:

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:red_light: I had to remove some inactive Givers. If you ever wanna return, let me know, you’ll be added back to the club with open arms and a reminder, new members are always welcome :red_light:

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Bump, feel free to request, we will get to it in January :yay: :heart: :sunglasses:

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@Forever1201 I know you’re feeling down and it sucks you have to go through that :pleading_face: :revolving_hearts: But my team and I were wondering if you’d like to join our club, it’s open for anyone to become a member and we have tons of fun, it might cheer you up :joy: :rose:

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Givers:

  1. @JemU776
  2. @LiyahxWrites
  3. @rubywrites
  4. @xetic
  5. @OreoBiscuit
  6. @Annieways
  7. @_haruka
  8. @Simila100
  9. @Epi_Info

All right, after thinking about it, I’ve decided to end the Givers Club. Thank you to previous, new and current members for all of your hard work, it has been appreciated. We will all continue to stay in touch :blob_sun: I’m a reviewer on epyxmagic and as I’ve mentioned to my club, I’m going back to my studies in September (they’re going to take up so much time from my life but are necessary). I can’t do everything no matter how hard I wish I could lol, I’m only human. Givers, feel free to say some messages before I ask for this to be closed :butterfly: :heart:

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I just want to say that you are awesome. And thank you that I could be part of this :kissing_heart:

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i love all of you guys so much, we will continue to chat and I treasure our cheerful memories :nerd_face: :blob_sun: Good times, i love how we all became a family :wink: :blob_sun:

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@Sydney_H May you close this topic, please and thank you? :penguin: :blob_hearts:

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Closed by OP request. :smiley: