Okay, thanks.
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sorry i don’t really plan to be active again
i might check in once a month like i just did but even if i still had the ranting thread to take care of, i would’ve eventually left these forums since real life is catching up to me LOL
getting my driving practice hours for a licence, sat and ap test studying… i dont have time for the forums anymore
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Oooh goodluck i understand take care n.n
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Ah, I understand. Take care!
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hihi it’s been 4 months since i last posted here and i promised to be more active last time but look at me wowow
i’m not sure i have too much to say. i guess bottom line is that im trying to be a better person; im trying to grow and learn and be someone that i, along with my family and friends, can be proud of. im learning more and more about who i am (kind of?? still dont know wtf im tryna do in the future) and trying to break old habits to form better ones. it’s hard. for one, i have all these philosophical thoughts usually late at night, get emotional because i want to change for the better, and then the next day i go on instagram for a fat 2 hours instead of doing my hw
the second semester has just started for me and BOY do i hate my classes !! i mean theyre alright but i just don’t have friends. that’s ok though because classes r for learning - most of my finals were a breeze except for a select few and i didn’t fail those completely at the very least. i cut off someone that had more negative effects in my life than positive. while it disrupted my social circle a little bit, i feel like i am better off without him and it was long overdue anyway.
i also don’t believe i’m cut out for a competitive team, but i just finished badminton conditioning aka running up and downhill for an hour. i might get cut or drop it on my own though. i don’t know if it’s really what i want to do or what i expect myself to do, but i also think that it might be a good idea to push myself out of my comfort zone and try to get fit for once in my life :)) i’ll see. also i really suck at badminton so i might end up getting cut anyway bc im like bottom of the rankings anyway hahhaha wehavetorunsomuchmylegshurt
i think it’s about time i might actually try and find a career path? i feel like everybody around me is pressuring me to start searching, know what i want to do, work towards that goal. the truth is that i really just don’t know. i have no idea. i barely have any passions; i feel like everybody around me has something they excel at and im just here doing next to nothing? feels bad man
otherwise idk im just cruising thru life it’s typical stuff. not sure what the point of this was? i didn’t have a direction for it. byee
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Questions
Why did you leave?
I waited for you, when you decided to wait for me
You left me while I was waiting.
But… He, he came back again.
Carrying away my innocence with him
Away he flew, as people’s laughter echoed in my head
At home where I secretly wept.
Why did he do that to me?
Why me?
Must I blamed for something I didn’t cause?
Something I couldn’t fix?
You were going to heal me, but you left me instead.
Now I am alone, sadly laying on this bed.
He took my innocence and threw it to the ground
Burned it, stepped on it, and played with it like a playground
I am alone, left with nothing and no one but questions.
The memories stay with me as I ask myself, Why?
Why did I make that choice?
Perhaps if I never talked to him
My life would not be like this.
If I never talked to him
I wouldn’t be so depressed.
I have suffered.
Lived. Lost.
And I am tired, but I am too young to be tired.
I must go on, she tells me.
I must go on and show him that I can come out on top.
How can I come out on top if he threw me to the bottom?
I backed away from him, refusing his poison, and he still stung me.
Are you ok? they ask me.
Most of the time.
But I know they don’t care.
Or do they?
My razors stopped working. Why?
Because you’re angry, she tells me again.
I am angry.
But I’m not strong.
I am broken, torn, used, abused and alone.
Because of him.
He haunts my mind and I can’t escape him.
Fear and panic trap me within my loneliness.
Keeping silent suffocates me.
They don’t know.
They can’t know.
They won’t know.
I used to be as happy as a bird
Now I’m as alone as the sea.
I rest my head and fall asleep.
I look around, waiting for you in my dreams.
Instead he’s there.
I run away, calling for help.
No one hears me but him, as he chases after me.
I call for everyone but no one hears me.
I scream and he catches me.
I am caught just as I’ve always been.
Trapped and alone
He takes away my innocence again, this time, it hurts much more.
I wake up, hearing the alarm
My trauma stays with me
It hasn’t gone away, like him.
A woman has to do what she has to do.
Not me.
I have so many questions.
Questions, that probably will never be answered.
A lifelong answer is what I’ll probably be given.
Because you left. And now there’s no one to heal me.
She’s here, but not really.
People are here, but not here for me.
I understand.
I will continue this lonely journey, with my stolen innocence, and broken self.
For I am left with questions, and remain silent.
I can’t speak. He will come back.
So I will not ask my questions.
This is an extremely personal poem. I just needed to let it all out…
@Chocolate_Mama Anything you wanna say?
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This honestly made me almost cry. I see that you’re deeply hurt and I love how you take your words to a poem honestly.
I hope you honestly feel better as life moves on for you hon. We’re so much alike so I feel like I’ve felt this pain you’ve had.
But I want you to know you’re not alone. Especially with me here. I’ll always be here by choice. Especially for you Love.
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hugs Thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart. I know we’ve both suffered, but someday we will become Phoenixes. I promise you. The pain will stay but that pain will strengthen us. I am hurt, I am worried, but I’m also preparing. Someday, sweetheart, we will arise from the ashes.
May God punish those who have harmed your pure spirit.
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Yasssssssss oh my chocolate this is why I love you so much girl! You have such a burning passion and just so strong in so many ways. I’m so bookmarking and you already know we may have been hurt but I’m positive we’ll rule fiercely. 
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I don’t have much of a burning passion if I’m not being open about it…
But that made me smile. I guess I should say “Thank you”?
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The best passion is when you’re open about it
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I’m not. Haven’t told much people. They would not see me the same way.
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Everyone’s broken deep down just depends on who wants to admit it and try to fix it.
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But ghosting is what makes me cool
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That’s true. You are as well
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No. 
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YEsss ;D
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Thanks I try to at times.
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Got anything to say about that poem? 
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