The problem of early marriage

Here’s the thing. One of my friends who was only a year or two older than me is getting married. I just heard about it today and I was shell-shocked. I think about a lot of things but marriage is NOT one of them. I don’t see myself marrying in the next two years.

It just seems so strange to me that she should marry so early. Like she is 17 right now and already engaged six months ago. As soon as she turns 18, she will be of the legal age in India to get married.

So I called her to ask and she told me her family is putting pressure on her and there’s nothing I can do about it. So I want to raise a question here, isn’t it really early marriage?

Is this situation same in all countries? What are your thoughts on what girls like my friend should do?

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She needs to talk to her parents. Really, i don’t find anything really many problems with early marriage but if her parents are putting pressure on her it’s not right. Also bc of her parents it’s probably arranged marriage. I think she should talk to family members, the guy, and her parents

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it so diffrent in my country. here is no pressure to get married. my sister been with the same guy in ten years she is 33 they have a daugther. and they are not married.

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also it is wrong to pressure your kid to get married that is how they end i bad one. do she even know the guy?. is this something she really wanna do. of not she shall not.

here is video where they talk about marriage in our country

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Well I think it depends on how long they’ve known each other. If they have bean dating for a while since they were younger, I think it’s okay, cos it wouldn’t technically be called Early Marriage. But if they have only been together for about a year, it’s weird, unless it was arranged, which is kind of weird too but I guess it could be the case.

But the thing is, if it’s their choice to marry that early and they really love on another, do we really have the room to judge?

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I wouldn’t consider marrying at eighteen in itself to be a problem. It may be a bad idea, but an eighteen year old should have the right to marry if they want.
What is worrying is that she is marrying because of pressure rather than because it is her choice.

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My aunt got married at 15 :sweat_smile: the relationship didn’t last long but everyone is different ig. But if it’s too soon like they just met a couple months ago that’s crazy but idk your life or whatever. I wouldn’t get married at that age.

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18 is pretty legal, not rational maybe but legal. Is she being forced?

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Yeah, a girl like that won’t be able to live in India.

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They haven’t been dating. It’s only an arrange marriage. She has only met him twice.

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Yeah. You know parents pressure. Like she’s their only daughter so they want her to get married.

But she is not even 18 yet. She’ll turn 18 like next month and they have already had the engagement and everything.

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Lol it’s an arranged marriage. They have only met twice.

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Yeah exactly. Age is not a problem, at least not that much. But in our country most marriages are arranged marriages. There is no dating or anything. My own parents only met each other thrice before they married.

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I don’t think the age here is the problem - some people aren’t ready to get married until they’re in their 40s, others are ready when they’re six. It’s all up to the individual.

If you have two people that are entirely mature and are secure with themselves enough to be ready to join their life together with another person, that have at it. Here in the US, the age of marriage varies, but in the south where my Grandma came from, you can get married pretty young - I think 14 with parental consent in some areas (a bit scary, isn’t it?). My grandma was 16 when she got married, had five kids by the time she was 24, and then divorced by 27. She and my Grandpa were 100% not mature enough to get married then, but they both wanted to get away from their parents. My Great-Grandma, on the other hand, got married at 15 and stayed happily married to my Great Grandpa for 40 something years. Both were ready for it.

The issue I think with your friends is that she’s getting married because she’s feeling pressured by her parents. You should NEVER enter any relationship unless you’re ready. For a relationship to be healthy and thrive, both parties need to be ready and willing to put the work in. Two people that love each other and are happy with themselves? The relationship will likely survive and both will be happy. Two people that don’t know each other and don’t even know themselves? The relationship will likely suffer.

Your friend should just sit her parents down and say she doesn’t think she’s in a place where she can nurture a strong marriage just yet. They could set her up with a lovely man, but if she’s not ready and is feeling pressured, she might not be happy in the relationship and that can cause long term stresses for both the couple. I don’t know the customs in India about marriage - are long engagements frowned on? What about broken engagements? Maybe her parents would be more okay with her just being engaged for a couple years until she is ready?

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Wow. Those are some great thoughts. I agree, as long as both parties need to make an effort in a relationship or it won’t work. No one should have to enter a relationship when they are not ready.

I suppose you are right. The least she can do is try to convince her parents she isn’t ready. Because at the end of the day, her parents would only want what is best for her.

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I’m Indian right? It sucks to know that in the 21st century my younger friends already know their parents are giving them an arranged marriage. I’m lucky enough to have parents who fell in love at McDonalds.

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