I’m never too busy for you 
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So I was listening to the song I’m a mess by Bebe rexha and gosh I relate to a lot of it
“Everything’s gonna be alright everything’s gonna be ok. It’s gonna be a good good life. That’s what my therapists say” honestly I hate when ppl tell me everything will be ok. Because it isn’t. They say that then it gets worse. I’m so sick and tired of being walked all over. I’m a mess. And I’m gonna admit that. But no one and I mean no one will ever accept my flaws and that just really really really angers me. I’m trying my best. I’m always trying my best. So why TF is that not enough for some people. I sometimes wish I could just pack my bags and leave. Leave my world behind. But I can’t. I’m starting to wish I could get emancipated or put up for adoption. I’m so done with this world and these people. Stop acting like you want things to change. Stop saying “let’s just be civil with each other” when I know for a fact you’re trying to destroy me behind my back. What makes you think that’s ok. I’m crazy. Ik that. I’m actually crazy. I laugh and cry. I thing bad thoughts when I’m mad. But I also know that that’s only a small thing about me. Why am I still here. Idk. Idek. Why do I waste my time trying to make everyone happy when ik that no one will accept me. Why though??? Idk. I wish I could just for once scream at my mom. Show her how much of a terrible daughter I can be. I wish I could eat a whole cake and be proud of myself. I wish I never left my first school. I wish all these things but none of them will ever fucking come true because the world doesn’t work like that. I’m screaming for help. My mascara is always running when I cry and I like it. Why? Because it shows emotion. But I’m shamed for crying??? That’s wrong. Gosh and I miss Ruby. There’s so much I wish I could tell her right now… But today makes 10 days… 10… And I can’t do it. Life. I’m so done with everything in this world and everyone. I need serious help.
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Thank you and don’t worry I left the PMs because of how hectic it is real life and I just get distracted by that, I’ve mentioned it before but I guess not many people read that… 
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Don’t apologise Amani, it’s not your fault or anyone in particular’s for that matter. I never shared this with anyone so I didn’t expect anyone to know tbh. I’ll miss you guys too but realistically I won’t be able to return to being active until about June 14
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People may have just not noticed or seen. We all love you sae. Please please please stay safe. @Cam misses you. We all do. We all hope you’ll be ok…
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That’s ok. We’ll wait for you
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Yeah I figured that’s why I edited that in/repeated it, it’s like eh but I didn’t want you guys to assume the worst of the worst or something and please stay safe as well, I just read your rant and I know what you mean by people saying it’ll get better. Honestly as a realist I can’t promise that but I really do hope you are able to get in contact with Kerub again as well as feel less fed up soon. I hope venting that helped too 
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Thank you 
I said that y’all could kick me if you needed space before but no one wanted to and calculating how inactive I would be I was like: might as well kick myself.
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Thanks sae… I’m really gonna miss you a lot
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I truly hope you come back soon.
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Mini-Rant
Is it normal to feel this way? To question yourself? To feel so sad with no escape route? To feel, as if, everyone sees you as some terrible, worthless… thing? You look up, but you don’t see heaven. You see fear. You see your demons. And you’re scared and confused. Every night. On the outside, I seem very happy and glad to be around people. But on the inside. I’m vulnerable and refuse to let anyone, anyone, see this pathetic side of me. But I can’t leave that special person all alone. It is too hard. People think they know you, but they don’t know you. They judge you. It causes you to overanalyze. Suicidal thoughts come flooding in. Because people have hurt you so bad, you think, Hey, there’s no point for me anymore. But you can’t change anything, so you remain hopeless. Until that day comes, and you fly away…
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Well, Fate, I don’t want to repeat myself, but I know you aren’t checking Discord often so I might as well say it
I am terribly sorry you feel like this, you are my best friend here and I wouldn’t have wanted this to happen, but it happened. I’m sorry.
Take all the time you need to focus on school and in yourself, and please take care.
But don’t forget that if you ever want to or need to, I’m here to talk about anything, even if it’s the latest show you’ve been watching and that I have no idea about.
I love you, and well, I said it before, but you’re like the Alexei to my Chris, you mean a lot to me
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Hey Fate,
Although I didn’t take as much time as I would’ve like to get to know you better as a person, I really enjoyed the several conversations we did have. They always brightened my day. Your life and health matters waaay more than the forums could ever could though. Whether you come back or not, I’ll miss you, but we’ll always welcome you back if you ever want to return. I wish you the best with whatever you choose to do, and well… Stay safe and please take care, Sock. 
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Awwwww Fate as always you can place so much words so beautifully shine on. I never really was able to fully see this because school was a little crazy, but I want you to know that what you said was so pure and true, and I hope someday soon you’ll be back with us . Please enjoy your time darling and stay safe always. You’re a smart kind girl and you deserve the best that life can offer. Also PM me or for real contact me on Discord I would love to listen to you and get closer.
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I confess that I might relapse… I’ve been doing so well until now…
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What’s wrong? Wait I need to take a test but for real wassup pm me if you need to.
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Thanks.
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My rant:
I hate that i have feelings. I work as much as i can to distract myself or sleep a lot so i can’t have those feelings. I wish they never existed. I do whatever it takes to make people happy because i care but now I’m just exhausted. I’m sorry but I’m so tired. I’m sorry I’ve failed but no one did the same for me. And i never expected anyone to but cmon. If you really care wouldn’t you have done the same?!?! Ugh overall i just wish certain people hated me instead of loved me or whatever idk at this point but holy mother of pearl just yell at me. Tell me I’m scum. Hate me. Things would be so much easier if you hated me.
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I don’t get why everyone says I’m smart because I really am not
So i’m kinda pissed because I’m writing a story (it’s not published yet) and I want to enter College Days, bbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttt my story is set 20 days before the characters graduate colleege and college days is the first year. 
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