I am a disappointment.
I try, but my trying is not enough
Fights, arguments, it’s all that happens
At least when I’m around.
When I’m not, all is well
Maybe if I was never around, all would be well
I don’t know.
I never know, because I can’t know
Listening to music makes me feel even emptier
Like you’re sinking
Punishing myself never worked
What’s the point?
I’m always doing something
And when I do, it’s wrong
Maybe I don’t need anyone.
Maybe I should just keep it all to myself
And stay alone
All alone, in this field
So, right now, I’m by myself
That’s my natural state
Riding the bus, looking at the signs go by
And no one’s there
Even if they are there
I look on, like looking out of a window
But no one’s there
No one puts their hand out, and says
“Are you OK?”
If they ever do, say this line
You’ve memorized it, it’s your catchphrase
With that fake smile
Give them that fake smile
And all will be well
When they leave, crawl back inside that shell
They say, Maybe God gave you that as a challenge
They say, You’re too young to be feeling this way
They say, I’m sorry you feel that way
What do I say?
I think of suicide everyday.
I feel alone, even around people.
I feel numb.
There it is, my most common emotion
Feeling empty, cold, detached
Like a stranger in Moscow
But all I do is hand out, a heart that needs some love
Come back to me, happiness
I’m always on my own
My mind has already painted it black
Can’t have you back?
Oh, then insecurities will stay
Not going away
I’m still stuck in the moonlight
So I’ll be empty
Is this the way it’s supposed to be?
Me being unhappy?
Don’t know, can’t know, won’t know
I’m stuck dancing to the plastic beat
But only a few know that I’m just playing games
So here I am,
Looking out of the window
Seeing the rain
Alone. Empty. Numb.
Like spring without blooming
Christmas, without gifts
It’s all cut off
My scars say that
I’m laying on my bed
Playing that one song, my favorite song
“Do you understand? It’s all in your head”
Could it be?
I’m too ignorant to know
Because I’m alone
Nobody’s gonna tell me
So I’ll look on
And do what I normally do
Lay in my darkness
Unhappiness is my only friend
But it’s OK.
It’ll be over soon
Once I end it.
How many music/lyrical references did I make? Point them out.