Try not to be too hard on yourself. You were in an abusive situation for at least three years (think about how many hours and days that really amounts to; really recognize how much you’ve endured, and be kind to yourself); not only were you the subject of abuse, but anytime you wrote, you were almost guaranteed to have an incredibly negative experience. It’s only natural to have a hard time enjoying something you’ve been conditioned to associate with awful feelings.
Recovery takes some time and a little self-kindness, not necessarily in that order. And it’s very hard to take it slow when you want something to go back to being what it was as soon as you can - because you loved it and you still love it and you don’t want it to be tainted anymore. But try to be understanding with yourself while your body and mind is trying so hard to unlearn what it was told over and over and over again by people who hurt you. Your trauma with writing is like a broken bone; it’s going to be frustrating for a while, because you wish it was already healed. Who wouldn’t feel that way?
I don’t want to tell you what to do because it might not be helpful, but my advice is to take it day by day. And try to recognize and be proud of whatever progress in recovery you might have made, no matter how small. Writing won’t leave you; it’ll be right there, for however long it takes for you to feel happy about writing again.
First of all, I’m truly sorry that you had to go through this and it’s great to read you feel better now. I know you are waiting for someone to tell you you can’t do this and you are just wasting your time, but sorry I will say you can so keep going!
I’m not gonna lie: it’s not easy to write something you are really satisfied with, it’s not easy to get readers and there will be times when you start struggling again because you feel unmotivated. But the good news is that there is no rush, you should always consider writing as a hobby and not as an obligation, and it will make it less distressing Most of us don’t get paid either, we just enjoy writing and if anyone thinks this is stupid, screw them
Thank you for your sweet words! And I know it will, undoubtedly, take time, it’s just so frustrating. Hopefully I’ll be able to find myself writing without having to look over my shoulder soon. Just talking about it really seems to help.
Oh I’m not worried about readers at all, never have been! I’m just ready to be able to put all of my words down and not feel like I’m going to be chastised for it or ridiculed. It’s the ability to and the happiness I get from doing it that I’m looking forward to again. Thank you for replying! Sometimes, the internet can be such a negative space, but it’s always so wonderful to see communities being built to support one another.
The situation that I am in now is the “whys.” Meaning, why isn’t my story growing like it’s supposed to, why is my story not gaining a lot of readers during the week, why I’m I as an author has to struggle to find that one person within the community to stick by my side? Why aren’t these things happening to me?
I started writing my first story on Episode since December of 2015, so it makes me an Episode writer with 3 years of activeness under her belt. You’d think I’d be a popular author/top author by now, but I am not unfortunately; that hurts me. It’s not a good feeling to know and discover new authors who haven’t been an Episode for at least a year gaining a lot of reads on their first story. How is that possible? The Episode app has really taken a toll on my mind since 2016 because now I feel myself getting discouraged and unmotivated to EVEN write a story. I’ve been writing stories since I was 12 years old, so this isn’t my younger self’s mind. Writing is my passion and a talent, but I just feel like it’s going to waste because my stories aren’t growing like I’d what them to. Honestly, I’ve thought about leaving the Episode community and my stories all together at one time because I was so discouraged .
if you like writing im sure you like reading. make sure to read what you love. surround yourself with positibe energy, you’’ gain your energy back in no time
I think the main problem is that you want reads and not readers. You want your story growing but you don’t feel motivated to continue writing for your existing readers.
Getting reads doesn’t mean anything. I got most of my reads on my first story but a very few positive feedback. I’ve been getting less reads for my newer stories but much more support and this is what makes my stories “growing”, and this is what makes me feel happy.
I suggest you to figure out first what you really want to write about. Work on your story, try to make it good enough that YOU would be satisfied with the outcome. Don’t look at the numbers. Don’t want it to be popular. Just try to enjoy writing regardless if you are doing it for 1, 10 or 1 million readers.
I know what I want, but it just seems not to be going the way I expected it to go. I am grateful for the people who are reading my stories and are loving them I get discouraged at times because I look at how people within this community are supportive of others stories; I wish I had that. No doubt. I do have a few people who leave positive feedback on my stories. They keep me motivated at times, but other times I go back to my negative thoughts.
Then you shouldn’t concentrate on what other people have more of. Again, it seems you care more for reads. Readers and supporters will come to you when it comes. Patience is key.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there is a difference between reads and readers now. I used to know the difference between them while I was writing my first story. Back then, I was just a young teenager who didn’t really care about the number of reads I had; I cared more about the readers that I had more than how reads my story was getting. Now, I guess I kind of changed my mindset (I don’t know how). But, I can say that now I am starting to care about the readers and supporters that I have now. I think it was a phase that I was going through.