I read the first chapter of your story (I will read more because I liked it), this is your review:
Language
You do have fluent english, there is no particular mistake and the text is 100% clear and it isn’t too long or too short.
BUT you do make a frequent mistake: you pt “,” where it isn’t necessary. I.e. every time you say “that” you put a comma after it, which is a mistake!!
Grade: 6,5
Plot
It seems to be an intriguing story, especially mixing different genres. I love this friendship with M for now and I think the whole relationship with the family is an important value! Your chapters are a bit too long!
For now the plot seems clear but I’m afraid it might get a bit forced by the end (making up insane stuff just not to make it end); but I’m sure you’re an outstanding writer and you’ll keep us hooked.
Problem: episodes end with no cliffhanger! (i.e. episode 1 should’ve ended when you saw you your brother with Julius)
Grade: 8
Directing
You should teach me your skills! Your directing is stunning
Only thing: don’t make too many empty moments like “pause for a beat”
Grade: 9.5
Creativity
For now it seems different and catchy
Grade: 9
Overall grade: 8/10
I look forward to reading more! And I would love to learn some of your directing skills