I read the first 2 chapters of your story (I will read more because I liked it), this is your review:
Language
You do have fluent english, there is no mistakes and the text is 100% clear and it isn’t too long or too short.
Grade: 9
Plot
It seems to be an intriguing story. I love the whole relationship with the family, it is an important value! Your chapters are a bit too short, especially the first one.
For now the plot seems clear and I must say that the fact that you lived the first chapter makes it feel really deep and real, I could feel the suffering. (I am sorry for your loss btw)
Problem: episode 1 and 2 ended with no cliffhanger!
Chapters are way too short, I know it was probably hard for you to write such things, but reading two chapters in which all that happens is a death per chapter really doesn’t draw you to read more. Regardless, I can tell the story will develop soon
The lack of choices is also unappealing, you should be strategic and put non-important choices
Grade: 6.5
Directing
It’s pretty average, not bad
Grade: 9
Creativity
For now I don’t even know the genre so I can’t really tell. But it is really deep compared to other silly stories which is a positive and unique characteristic
Grade: 6
Overall grade: 7.5/10
I look forward to reading more! And I would love to know your trick for having so many readers lol! (Have you read my story?)