Thoughts on het aces being represented in Pride?


#1

This sorta relates to Episode, sorta doesn’t, but what are your thoughts on heteroromantic asexuals / heterosexual aromantics being represented in Pride/ Pride month in general?
One of the Episode stories on the Pride shelf is about a het ace. Do you consider het aces straight?
(As always, no hate to the author of that story. It’s a great story, I read it.)


#2

Well, yeah. I mean, if they identify as straight.


#3

Great question! That’s what I started thinking when I first saw it.

In no way am I denying asexual people’s identities, but if you’re cisgender and straight then you’re not a part of the LGBT community, it’s that simple. Cishet people do not suffer a systematic opression. I’m not throwing shade or anything, just stating my opinion.

That being said, I’m happy people’s identities are being represented and their feelings taken into account!


#4

I agree. I think aces deserve more representation but if you’re cis and only date the opposite gender… you’re not lgbt. I’m bisexual and most of my LGBT friends share my viewpoint as well.


#5

I personally feel like if it is ‘Pride’ then it should be pride for EVERYONE.


#6

I don’t want to sound ignorant but what does cisgender mean?


#9

Exactly what I thought!


#11

I’m glad aces are finally being represented! I haven’t read the story yet, but hopefully I’ll get the chance.

And now the discourse.

Asexuality is its own sexual orientation, with its own issues and experiences with marginalization. I’m not cis or heteroromantic myself, but I can definitely vouch for the fact that denying asexual experiences with marginalization and oppression and trying to keep asexuals out of LGBTQ+ spaces has a very real impact on “otherwise LGBT” aces as well. If people who are trans, nonbinary, bi, gay, lesbian, or panromantic don’t feel comfortable speaking out about the problems they’ve faced specifically due to their asexuality, there’s a clear problem. If LGBT aces feel the need to “prove” they’re still LGBT, there’s a clear problem. Saying that being asexual or aromantic isn’t enough to be included enforces this problem. As long as they’re not bigoted against other parts of the LGBTQ+ community, I have no problem welcoming cishet aces to be represented in Pride. The same goes for people who fit in with any other part of the LGBTQ+ community.

The thing is, LGBTQ+ people don’t decide who’s welcome into a cisheterosexist society. Cishets do, and they’ve shown time and time again that they don’t welcome asexuals or aromantics of any sort.

Personal experiences because yeah my blood boils every time I encounter this discourse

Even when I was out only as asexual and not as trans or biromantic, I faced horrific harassment for it, including threats and abuse that my boyfriend at the time justified by saying it was because of my asexuality. My family and friends then proceeded to defend him. Every relationship I’ve had has been repeatedly invalidated, and I’ve struggled with the conception that I’ll never actually be worthy of a relationship because that’s what everyone else was saying. Coming out to my doctor was a mistake, since he tried to refer me for therapy to “correct” it, and when I said no, said that we needed to at least do bloodwork to check my hormone levels (spoiler alert: there was nothing abnormal there). Compared to some of my ace friends - yes, including heteroromantic ones - I actually consider my experiences minor. At least I wasn’t actually assaulted, or denied adoption because my partner and I were “unfit to be married” due to being asexual. I can’t say the same for all ace people.

It’s also worth noting that this form of discourse is relatively new, and exclusionary behavior isn’t actually welcome in offline LGBTQ+ spaces. We should be more focused on solidarity than excluding people who don’t reach a certain level of oppression. The Pride Month shelf had a wonderful amount of diversity, especially compared to last year’s, and it’s worth celebrating regardless of whether or not you wanted one specific story to be there.


#12

It means “not transgender”. So basically it means your gender matches your sex assigned at birth. It comes from the Latin prefix “cis-”, since it’s the opposite of “trans-”.


#13

Ok thank you


#14

So you’re cisgender if you’re born as a gender and then identify yourself as that gender? I’m confused.


#15

Right. For example, I was assigned female at birth, and I identify as female, so I am cisgender.


#16

So am I cisgender? I thought I’d just be female. Sorry if I offend anyone, I was never raised to know any of the meanings. :heart:


#17

Cishet asexual/aromantic people belong in the LGBT+ community (unless if they don’t want to). It’s not up to us whether some aces are LGBT+ and some aren’t. All asexuals, no matter who they’re romantically attracted to are asexual (or conversely, all aromantics, no matter who they’re sexually attracted to are aromantic). All asexual or aromantic (or both) are welcome in this community.
Just because asexual/aromantic people aren’t discriminated for the same reasons as other LGBT+ people doesn’t mean they aren’t discriminated against at all.
Again, all asexual people are asexual, and all aromantic people are aromantic. Both aromantic and asexual people are included in pride.


#18

Yes, if you were assigned female at birth and identify as female now (this might be helpful).

Just like the word transgender, cisgender is an adjective. Both transgender females and cisgender females are female.


#19

Thank you for explaining! :heart:


#20

It means you’re not transgender.


#21

Well yeah, everyone should be proud of who they are, but if you’re straight and cis you’re not LGBT so I don’t get why you would be included in pride.


#22

I mean, aromantics can be heterosexual though? So it seems odd to say that heterosexual people aren’t straight.


#23

So I would be cisgender