I’ve noticed a lack of asexual characters in stories so I’ve been thinking of making one of my main characters asexual. I really wanna get it right so if you have any pointers I’d be very welcome. I’ve already done some research but the more I learn the better
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Hey!
• My first and most important piece of advice for making ace characters is same as for portraying any LGBT+ identifying person: don’t make their asexuality into their only character trait.
There’s more to us aspecs than our sexuality: we have interests, fears, hopes and dreams like everyone else. We’re all individuals.
• Don’t make portray asexuality as something that can be ”cured” or something you can ”grow out of”. Asexuality is a sexual orientation just like bisexuality, for example. It’s not a phase. Implying so is offensive and inconsiderate.
• Asexuality =/= celibacy. Asexuality is about the lack of sexual attraction. It has very little to do with refraining from having sex.
@Yueliang @XxAlphaBetaxX you guys might have something to add as well!
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Thanks for the advice!!
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No problem! I’m happy if I could help. 
If you have any other questions, you can always DM me here or on Instagram @/illustratedepisode
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Don’t make the character hate everything to do with romance
My best friend is Asexual and man does she love the life drama play out (not all tho!)
Your asexual character doesn’t necessarily have to be uncomfortable with love
They just don’t want it for themselves
And I saw mention do not make it the only character point, definitely give the character way more to them.
I see some people give people different sexualities after like traumatic events, yes that can happen but a lot people are just born with it, it’s their normal.
That’s all I got, I hope the character turns out great!
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Asexual aromantic are those who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. They aren’t necessarily uncomfortable with love because they can love, but in a platonic way.
I’m just throwing that out there for those who aren’t familiar and for the op.
I agree with all points @illustrated.episode said. I’ll come back with my input once I can think of something else to say.
Alpha - @XxAlphaBetaxX - she’s a sweetheart who happens to be my personal google when it comes down to questions about asexuality. So, she can definitely give you some tips. But, I would also recommend checking out some of her links that she has on asexuality.
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I would also like to add that asexually can fall on a spectrum. Some aces feel no sexual attraction or any desire to kiss or even hold hands. Others don’t mind cuddling. I personally would only be interested in kissing after I form an emotional bond, but going further would still be off the table for me.
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Remember that asexuality is a spectrum and it has to do with sexual attraction.
I commonly get asked how I can be asexual since I’m married and have two children.
- my husband knew fully before we entered into a romantic relationship that while I was not sex-repulsed, it wasn’t something that I wanted or needed. He understood that, and we’ve been married for nearly 12 years. He knows that it’s a rare occurrence, and for his pleasure. However, when I say no, he also understands that it’s a hard no. There has to be respect in the relationship.
- Being asexual doesn’t mean you don’t have sex. Some asexuals engage in sexual activity for their own pleasure, for the pleasure of their partner, or solely reproduction. How asexuals feel about sex differs from person to person.
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Sex drive/arousal does not equal sexual attraction
One of the most commom things people get wrong about asexuality is that we don’t experience sexual arousal/don’t have a sex drive. This is false. Many asexuals do experience sexual arousal and have a sex drive. Asexuals may also engage in sexual acts to satisfy them.
The thing that needs to be understood is that sex drive (libido) is simply the desire for sexual activity. This is different from sexual attraction which is the desire for sexual activity with someone else. Libido, in itself, is a feeling that has no direction unless it is given one. When libido is given a direction, that’s when it becomes sexual attraction.
Asexuality is not aromanticism
A lot of people tend to conflate a lack of sexual attraction to a lack of romantic attraction. An asexual individual can be the most hopeless romantic and experience romantic attraction strongly.
Action does not equal sexual attraction
There are asexuals that hate sex. There are asexuals that don’t care about sex. There are asexuals that love sex. What an asexual does in relation to sex or any actions that can be deemed as sexual, whether it be, for example
Dressing or dancing provocatively
Being flirtatious
Sex work
does not invalidate their asexuality. People above me have already mentioned this but I’m repeating it because people often tend to make all asexuals out to be somebody who either shuns everything sexual, doesn’t have sex or doesn’t know about sex.
Asexuality is a spectrum
So that means along that spectrum, there are identities that fall under the asexuality umbrella that have certain conditions relating to how they experience sexual attraction. For example, demisexuality is when one only experiences sexual attraction after building a strong emotional bond with that person. Now with writing identities like this, people (especially allosexuals) need to take extra care because as @illustrated.episode has stated above, asexuality is not something that is cured or to be grown out of which may be something indirectly portrayed with a lot of gray-asexual identities if not done carefully. A person doesn’t stop being demisexual the moment they start to feel sexual attraction towards somebody.
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An important detail about asexuals is that asexuals are not inherently aromantic. While some asexuals may feel that asexuality is enough of a label to accurately describe their attractions/lack thereof, most of us use the “split attraction model” and categorize our romantic orientations separately. An asexual character can be aromantic, biromantic, panromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, or anywhere in between. I personally use those labels to communicate the genders of people I may be interested in having long-term committed relationships with because it makes communication easier and I’m not entirely sure if and when my feelings are “romantic.” I recommend checking out the activist theyasminbenoit on Twitter and IG. She breaks asexual stereotypes as a model and shares her experiences in how asexuality and aromanticism are distinctly LGBTQ+ identities, along with the hardships that come with it. However, I do not recommend having your ace character experience ignorant/aphobic comments regarding their asexuality because having it be such a large topic of discourse not that long ago was honestly exhausting. I certainly wouldn’t be offended if you portrayed those comments negatively and obviously you can and should write whatever feels right for your story, just please be mindful of how readers will perceive it. Happy writing!
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