π‡π¨π§πžπ¬π­ 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 π‘πžπ―π’πžπ°π¬

Oh boy… I’m gonna Fix all that later

1 Like

I’d love a review on my first story, It’s a bit different from most stories i’ve read but its based off of a short story i wrote a few years ago. So i’ve treated it as a practice run for directing and such…
Looking forward to hearing what you think!

Name: Catching Tom
Author: Cece Mason
Instagram name: cecemason.episode
Description: Meet Tom, Can you catch him? I’ts almost the classic boy meets girl, except she’s just your neighbor and she’s got a boyfriend already. (LL, Male MC)
Chapters: 3
Genre: Action
Style: Limelight

1 Like

@Writer_SA did you see my review?

@AMagic oh yes I did I just forgot to reply, thank you for your review.

1 Like

Your welcome, I hope you fix the errors I saw. :smile:

1 Like

@Mellisa2731

aspire-demibold

  • In the beginning, Lisa said β€œMake me Hot!” the β€œH” is supposed to be lowercase.

  • The same with Jason the β€œh” is lowercase

  • When they say, you can’t change my hair color,eye color or skin color. Please add a space between the comma and the β€œe” β€œhair color, eye color”

  • I don’t like how Lisa is saying what we can’t change about her, it ruins the vibe of it being a fantasy story.

  • At the ending of CC, make sure to add a transition.

  • The cafe scene has many default clothing, which doesn’t set a good rep for your future stories.

  • Is that a black male I see with pale lips in the background :eyes: plus he is just idle.

  • When you had put β€œWas a world where there were peaceful humans who co-existed with creatures of all kinds” you forgot to add a period

  • I see how everyone is just standing up in the cafe background.

Suggestion

Post your script templates here! Official script template sharing thread

  • When you put β€œThe All hell broke loose when the war between VaMpires and Wolves started.” The β€œA” is lowercase, the β€œV and the M” are also lowercase.

  • In the raining scene with the bunker background. I see soooo many default clothing.

  • In the flashback Lisa is wearing the same clothes she had on years later.

  • In the flashback, her mom is still in the hospital clothing.

  • In the flashback everyone is wearing the same clothes, might wanna change that.

  • Did you use a hidden animation? Bad News…

  • In the bedroom scene when Lisa said β€œWhy did you do that?” she didn’t have an animation to what she said.

  • When lily said, β€œWhy cant you understand?” It’s β€œWhy can’t you understand?”

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • Nice use of the ball overlay

  • Woah, the opacity thing with Jason, was super cool!

  • The plot wasn’t my type.

  • That cliffhanger didn’t leave me interested.

  • The whole I just wanted to leave the story.

Second Chapter

aspire-demibold

  • When Lisa says β€œNot After” the β€œA” is supposed lowercase.

  • When Jason said, β€œYou don’t know how much your words can hurt”, you forgot to a period.

  • When Lisa said, β€œHe is from one of the most powerful families of wolfs” it’s wolves not wolfs.

  • When Lisa said, β€œDanger is what i smell” The β€œI” is supposed to be capital.

  • When Lisa said β€œCant get into danger” it’s β€œCan’t get into danger.” I feel like that shouldn’t have been its own sentence.

  • A vampire is called Vamp2 you might wanna change his name.

  • When β€œVamp2” says, "I don’t understand one thing josh. It’s "I just don’t understand one thing Josh.

  • In the cabin scene β€œDamon” is standing on the little desk, you might wanna make that desk an overlay.

  • When Sam said "You know we have no control over it, It just happenes. It’s You know we have no control over it, it just happens.

  • When Sam said, "For now don’t let even ray and damon know. It’s For now don’t even let Ray and Damon know.

  • You need a transition after the cabin scene.

  • When Lisa said β€œThats all for today” it’s "That’s all for today"

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I liked this episode a little bit more, but it didn’t capture me all the way.

  • The errors really distracted me from enjoying the story.

  • You had a better cliffhanger this episode.

Third Episode

aspire-demibold

  • When Lisa said, β€œWhat are you doing here!”. It’s "What’re you doing here?!"

  • When Vamp2 says If you want to see your brother again. it goes to where he says you’ll have to do what I say. those sentences should have been one sentence.

  • Tina is wearing default clothing

  • When Liam said, β€œDo you know that I killed our parents”. Its Did you know I killed our parents?

  • When Lisa said, β€œIt coudn’t be” it’s It couldn’t be!

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I like the Infinite looping ball overlay, it really added a touch to her powers.

  • WOAH, he turned into Liam!!

  • Your cliffhangers are getting better.

1 Like

Thank you so much!! I will make sure to change those errors!
I would love it if you could share my story!!
I would be eternally grateful!!

1 Like

Sure.

1 Like

aspire-demibold
@Miranda_Episode

  • The narrator speech box is out of place

  • When Charlotte entered the hallway, Britney popped behind her. Try using the β€œ&” command.

  • You had a default character and the teacher was wearing default clothing.

  • When Mr.Jones said, "Alright class, turn your page to 27 and read the whole chapter. It’s, Alright class, turn your books to page 27 and read the whole chapter.

  • Charlotte popped back into her seat after Mr.Jones said read the whole chapter. Try using the β€œ&” command.

  • Derek popped up on the exterior school background. Try using the β€œ&” command.

  • When Derek said β€œI heard you an your friend talk about it” it’s "I heard you and your friend talk about it"

  • Charlotte entered the bedroom from the right side which is where the wall is. So, she can walk through walls? Might wanna fix that.

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • It was just really boring to me and just generic.

  • It wasn’t interesting at all to me. I felt like it could have been written better.

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • I didn’t like how you started off with you saying β€œHow you like pizza and then you said you didn’t see me there” that’s a personal pet peeve of mine.

  • Plus all that extra stuff in the intro was a β€œNO” for me

  • I didn’t like how Charlotte introduced herself to the readers. It was a complete turn-off for me

  • When Charlotte was doing the punch animation and said β€œShe doesn’t even know us” I just found that unneeded and extra.

  • I really despise how Charlotte is talking us like knowing she is in a game.

  • There weren’t any background characters.

  • You made a stereotypical ink character where all they care about is food. LIKING FOOD IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT!

  • I don’t like the MC at all. You bumped into and he said to watch it, and now you portray him to be this bad person :roll_eyes: I know it was a joke, but it wasn’t funny.

  • I didn’t like that the first episode didn’t leave an impression.

Second Episode

aspire-demibold

  • You didn’t add the Hairbrush prop to Charlotte.

  • When Charlotte was thinking β€œDoes he read my mind or something?” it’s "Did he read my mind or something?"

  • When Derek says β€œThe Famous Cupcake” the β€œC” is supposed to be lowercase,

  • Mr.Jones was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

  • When Mr.Jones says β€œI suggest you’re starting to prepare already”. It’s, 'I suggest you start to prepare."

  • Britney is wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

  • In the hallway scene Charlotte’s speech-bubble is where Britney’s should be. I suggest using @speechbubble reset

  • Your music just stops and goes to another track, I think you should learn how to fade music. Dara has something on that. Just click her profile.

  • At the party scene a girl had on default clothing.

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble still isn’t fixed.

  • The last transition before the ending of the episode wasn’t correct.

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • Personally I still feel the same about this episode as I did with the last.

  • This episode hadn’t changed my perspective on the story.

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • The author intro wasn’t needed.

  • I didn’t really like the narration of her talking about her dark past.

  • In the mirror scene, I wish you would have given Charlotte a reflection.

  • I was really disappointed when you used a default character as the stranger.

  • I didn’t like the cliffhanger. I didn’t leave me curious.

Third Episode

aspire-demibold

  • That guitar sound effect looping as music is really annoying.

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble is in the wrong position.

  • The character with the blue shirt and the skull just popped up.

  • Dawson is wearing default clothing.

  • Mason’s speech-bubble is in the wrong position in the interview hallway scene.

  • In the Junkyard scene Derek’s speech-bubble is messed up, you can fix this with @speechbubble reset

  • When Derek says β€œI’m to tired…”. It’s, I’m too tired

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble is messed up after the flashback with her mom.

  • I’m on the third episode and Mr. Jones still haven’t changed clothes :nauseated_face:

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I think with this food talk you’re just trying to be funny.

  • I feel like this is repetition with this β€œDark past” and β€œNo one can know”.

  • That cliffhanger was β€œokay”

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • Again with the author intro, some might not mind what you did, but for me I was annoyed.

  • I didn’t really like the basic directing in general.

  • I didn’t like that all you used were Episode Original Backgrounds

1 Like

Did you review the rest yet?

1 Like

I will in 40mins. I just got rid of the last one :joy:

1 Like

I would love it if you could do mine , thank you for the thread and your time !

If it’s possible could you message me private for my review totally okay if not

Title : Only You
Author : Nataliexox

image

1 Like

Whatever makes you comfortable :wink:

1 Like

Aw thank you ! Would you like to do that via episode dm or Instagram ? :heartbeat:

1 Like

Via episode dm.

1 Like

Okayy thank you

1 Like

It’s gonna take a little longer to squeeze in the rest of your story I don’t have my laptop, I only have my phone.

It’s fine! I’m ready to wait :innocent::innocent:

1 Like

Hey! :smile:
This is my story:
Author : Amina
Title : Wrong Crowd
Genre : Romance
Style : Limelight
Description : Who thought that son of your mom’s best friend has friends who knew about your family more than you? [CC] [Limelight}
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5243907517775872
Inst @biiblaiia.episode

1 Like

oh thank you for this thread!

i don’t know how much info you want, but here’s my link and cover
freecovereditablelarge

1 Like