𝔸𝕓𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕪𝕒'𝕤 ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 𝕋𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕎𝕖𝕖𝕜𝕝𝕪 𝔸𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤

[Abinaya]

Hi I’m back! Well… kinda. I will be reviewing the requests I got through dm. You can still request but I will review them when the reveal contest deadline is over or when I finished my three chapters already. Request again if I couldn’t do yours due to me leaving and did not ask one on dm!

why I left for a while

This thread is closed due to me not standing this toxicity anymore. Episode has to listen to all the threads instead of saying ‘we are looking into it’ and at the same time closing the thread!

That being said: if you really want a review from me, dm me on my instagram! And if this thread is going to be unlisted: please don’t. It won’t make your case better. And people can learn from my reviews as well.

Instagram: @abinaya.writes

Hello and welcome to this review thread!

An honest critic will be given in a respectful way. I will pick a winner each week for a ‘story of the week award’. This means you will get a promotion from me on a separate thread which will be added here for the following week and you will be added to my ‘SOTW’ highlight. The link to that thread will be on my website as well. You can find my website through my profile or Instagram.

𝑹𝑼𝑳𝑬𝑺

• I will review your first chapter.
• If your story is not published: send me a message down below that you want a review and pm me afterward with the required information.
• if your story is published: send the link down below!
• The moment I’ve liked your comment, I’ve accepted the request.

Abinaya’s story of the week award! Ley lines <3

Hey guys! I’m Abinaya and you may know me from my review thread: 𝔸𝕓𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕪𝕒'𝕤 ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 𝕋𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕎𝕖𝕖𝕜𝕝𝕪 𝔸𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤 I’ve review a lot this week and there was one story that caught my attention! It’s ‘Ley Lines’ from @Anya_R on the forums and @anya.reinhardt on Instagram. If you haven’t checked it out: I highly recommend it! It was a pleasure to read with great directing and story plot. I absolutely enjoyed it! Her eye for detail is incredible. <3 Check it out: ➶ Title: Ley Lines ➶ Author: Anya Rei…

𝑮𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑵 𝑭𝑬𝑬𝑫𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲
➶ FIRST IMPRESSION:
cover/ splashes
description

➶ CREATIVITY

➶ BUILD OF STORY
dialogue
choices
animations
music

➶ CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/PERSONALITY

➶ FLOW
rushing scenes
story length
unnecessary scenes

➶ DIRECTING LEVEL
CC templates/outfit games
mini games
overlays
background characters

➶ DO I WANT TO READ MORE?

𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑴
➶ Title:
➶ Author:
➶ Genre:
➶ Description:
➶ Style:
➶ Published/unpublished:
➶ Story link (if published):
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes/no
➶ Note to me (optional):

𝑫𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑳𝑨𝑰𝑴𝑬𝑹:

DO NOT send your link down below if your story is not published yet! There is a reason why I added that to the rules. People will get your friends link and will be able to read without passes.

All reviews will be given in this thread. Tell me if you want otherwise (pm/Instagram).

Do not try to rush me! I want to make helpful reviews and that will take time. Don’t worry if I’ve liked your comment!

I don’t want to bring anyone down with my feedback! We are here to help each other and not bringing each other down.

I won’t be helping on a regular bases. It just doesn’t work for me to do that. So don’t pm/dm me with ‘could you review this again’ or ‘how can I do this’. But yes, we can have a conversation about your review. Just don’t contact me with new questions or anything like that 'cuz I only gave you the review as a guide and it’s your responsibility to see if you’re satisfied with the result.

Let me know if you have any questions regarding my review. If you want to talk about this, dm me on instagram @abinaya.writes.

Password: kindness is key <3
blur this password as well!

𝑾𝑨𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

➶ @episode.mistletoe
➶ @maree_s
➶ @episode.michellerose
➶ @khushboo
➶ @May.I.Write
➶ @lqwalter
➶ @Superpup
➶ @Ducky1
➶ @Seep_Mukta

𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑹𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑬𝑾𝑺

@Phoenix_11037 - Squad: fulfillment
@Stxrylines - Maid of Honour
@zerocantwrite - MY NAME IS YOU
@archh_07 - Hide and Seek
@Anya_R - Ley Lines
@hamnah.epi - Just the Bodyguard
@khushboo - How I met a millionaire
@Kristina.Cer - Riot
@Iconic.chelsea - The 7 Deadly Sins
@BrandyJude - Midnight Moon
@Days - (Un)Eligible Bachelor
@xoxoalynam - Who’s She?
@Fiffy - Ice Crime

I’m not a proofreader! If you want a proofreader: Andrea T.'s Grammar Proofreading Thread (CLOSED to catch up)

DM me on Instagram (@abinaya.writes) if you want to talk about this review!

Doing this will take a lot of time and effort so I’m only asking for a credit in advance.
@abinaya.writes <3

[Phoenix_11037]

Thank you for this thread!

➶ Title: Squad: Fulfillment

➶ Author: Novialia

➶ Genre: Fantasy

➶ Description: You screwed up, so your mom sends you to a private school. After arriving, you soon realize that not everything is what it seems when you discover a whole new magical world.

➶ Style: LL

➶ I want a grade with my review: Yes

➶ Note to me (optional): It’s unpublished right now, but the first chapter is fully completed.

➶ Password: Kindness is key

[Stxrylines]

Thanks for the opportunity

Title - Maid Of Honour
Author - Stxrylines
Genre - Fantasy and Mystery
Description -When your goal is to become a High Maid, And girls are missing in Meattle are going missing…What will stop you from your goal? Limted CC
Style - limelight
Graded with review - sure, I don’t mind

Password - kindness is key <3

[writtenbyro]

Amazing thread!

[zerocantwrite]

➶ Title: MY NAME IS YOU
➶ Author: zerocantwrite
➶ Genre: adventure / sci fi
➶ Description: “MY NAME IS YOU, and it’s the sanest thing in my life”; in a world where no one belongs, all You wants to do is fit in.”
➶ Style: limelight
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes
➶ Note to me (optional): ty for doing such a cool thread ! <3

[zerocantwrite]

tfw i forgot the password lmao
password: kindness is key <3

[archh_07]

Hey! Thanks for doing this <3
➶ Title: Hide and Seek
➶ Author: Architha Sriram
➶ Genre: Drama
➶ Description: College isn’t always about friends, parties and fun. With secrets so deep rooted, will Lara finally seek out the vile truth or will they stay hidden?
➶ Style: Limelight
➶ Published/unpublished: Published!
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes
password : kindness is key

[Anya_R]

➶ Title: Ley Lines

➶ Author: Anya Reinhardt

➶ Genre: Supernatural Thriller

➶ Description: The shadow haunting Soleil craves her death and the destruction of everything she knows. Does she have the power to save her town and her soul?

➶ Style: LL

➶ I want a grade with my review: Yes

➶ Note to me (optional): Limited CC of MC only

➶ Password: kindness is key <3

➶ Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6333101402030080

[hamnah.epi]

Hey!
Thanks for making this really helpful thread. Could I have a review of my first story? I will send you the link privately as it isn’t published yet. Here’s my form <3

Form

➶ Title: Just The Bodyguard
➶ Author: Hamnah.episode
➶ Genre: Drama
➶ Description:
I don’t think you can just be my bodyguard.
I’m too attached now.

After all,
This is a threatening game we’re playing.
So please,
Don’t get yourself caught…
CM | CC | 2LI

➶ Style: LL
➶ Published/unpublished: Unpublished
➶ Story link (if published): I will PM it to you
➶ I want a grade with my review: Yes please
➶ Password: Kindness is Key

[Kristina.Cer]

Thank you very much for making this thread!
➶ Title: Riot
➶ Author: Kristina
➶ Genre: Action
➶ Description: When assassins start to ‘disappear’ Kaeli begins a journey to fight this external force. But she has to team up with rival assassins, making or breaking the only world she knows.
➶ Style: INK
➶ Published/unpublished: Unpublished, will send link through pm
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes
➶ Note to me (optional): No CC due to custom poses/overlays in further chapters, Covers not yet created

[Iconic.chelsea]

➶ Title: The 7 Deadly Sins
➶ Author: Chelsea
➶ Genre: Comedy
➶ Description: The 7 deadly sins get sent to Eatth to complete a task and can’t go back home till they complete it. The thing is, they don’t know what the task is.
➶ Style: Ink
➶ Published/unpublished: Publishes
➶ Story link (if published): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5096772989222912
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes
➶ Note to me (optional):
[/quote]

[BrandyJude]

➶ Title: Midnight Moon
➶ Author: Brandy Jude
➶ Genre: Romance
➶ Description: Four years ago, Billie left without saying goodbye to the one man she thought she would love forever. Now, returning home, she is about to find you can’t run from everything.
➶ Style: LL
➶ Published/unpublished: Published
➶ Story link (if published): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4550502084968448
➶ I want a grade with my review: Yes

[Danielle318]

Password: Kindness is key

➶ Title: Queer: The One
➶ Author: Élise and Danielle
➶ Genre: Mystery
➶ Description: Follow Detective Hudson who has spent their life trying to put their family’s tragic history behind them until a new serial killer threatens to uncover the past. M/F MC, 4 LI, CM
➶ Style: LL
➶ Published/unpublished: Published
➶ Story link (if published): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4558247446773760 6
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes/no
Please! So, yes!
➶ Note to me (optional): We would love feedback on it and if there is anywhere to improve(so I know a few things will need to be fixed).

[Roy]

Password : Kindness is key <3
➶ Title: Shado
➶ Author: Roy
➶ Genre: Action
➶ Description: After tragedy, Roy returns to civilization a changed women. She begins her crusade, determined to put things right, with the help of her trusted people,waging a one-woman on crime.
➶ Style: Ink
➶ Published/unpublished: Published
➶ Story link (if published): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5108744574074880
➶ I want a grade with my review: yes/no : Sure, why not.
➶ Note to me (optional): Thank you thank you thank you so much for doing this

[Abinaya]

REVIEW - (Squad: fulfillment)

• FIRST IMPRESSION:
  You have put a lot of work into it! It’s nice to see you’re putting an effort and it will work in your favor ‘cuz the reader will see this too.

cover/ splashes: that gif was an eye catcher! Although, your intro was too long. You also added a scene that was going to be shown in the same episode: delete that! It will lose it’s value.

description: your description was really clear and leaved enough room for the imagination. It made me curious to see more. Good job!

extra: your cover did not load… could you sent it to me via pm if you want a review on it?

• CREATIVITY
  It’s not a cliche at all! Overall, I don’t think fantasies are cliche haha. I like that you’ve added the problem with the mother instead of only the magical world.

• BUILD OF STORY
  dialogue: your dialogue is fine, but I think you have to dig more into ‘show, don’t tell’. It will help the reader in understanding how the character thinks.

How did the character think when she saw that portal? What happend when she was hurting out of nowhere? What pain did she feel?

Also, isn’t it a little unrealistic how she just went straight to the portal? You can add more dialogue there too! Make sure it will show what her personality is.

Examples: you can use these examples or change them if you want

• When a light came out of the blue, I felt a huge urge to see what was happening. A urge I couldn’t control. While deciding to go take a look, my curiosity took over and I was walking already. [more dialogue]

• When that portal stopped with it’s [describe how she experienced the portal: beautiful speech, unnecessary poem etc.] I saw my knees going weak while my body was trying to stay strong.

I’ve used the technic I’ve told you about in my examples. You can find a link on ‘show, don’t tell’ in the link below!

Link ‘show, don’t tell’: https://self-publishingschool.com/show-dont-tell-writing/

choices:
Your choices matter which is a thing a lot of readers prefer (even episode). But I don’t know what my choices did when I made them. So using a reader message with what it did and what point they got/lose is highly recommended.

It’s tricky to have choices of how she reacts in the first episode. People will ‘make’ her instead of ‘know’ her. If that’s what you’re going for: do so! Change some dialogue to match the choices the reader made and let them know when that happens.

Example:
The reader will get confident points and shy points.

MOTHER

Could you do the dishes?

if (SHY > CONFIDENT) - (reader made her shy)

readerMessage Dahlia reacts shy because of your choices!

DAHLIA

Y-yeah I will…

Obviously, this is not an impactful situation. But using this makes it a lot more fun!

animations: when the portal was talking, Dahlia just stood there. Try to add more animations so we can see how she felt over the situation. But overall, your animations are pretty good!

music: I recommend changing the music in scenes when the vibe is changing as well. When the mother was calling Dahlia out in the office and there was still happy music playing is just not a good look.

You can ease the music in but don’t make it longer than three seconds. At one scene, the music started playing after I’ve clicked on my third speech bubble.

• CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/PERSONALITY

She seems like a power woman to me! Because of what I said earlier by ‘choices’ I won’t go into this as much. I did not really know what her personality was because you were letting me choose how she reacts through choices (again, that’s completely fine!) and a lack of animations which I did talk about too.

At the end of the chapter, I could see what people think about her. I think this is a good idea! But people like to get to know the character through the chapters. I think it’s best to add this to your chapter the moment the reader made choices which will determent if the character likes them or not.

• FLOW

rushing scenes: try to take more time on important scenes. It feels like your rushing a bit.

story length: It’s a good length. Nothing to add about that!

unnecessary scenes: Every scene had it’s goal which I could see. I enjoyed every scene!
But the scene where the fire man was walking was a little long.

• DIRECTING LEVEL

It’s good, but it could be better. About that portal scene: try using a rear animation and put her a little more to the side while she is facing the portal and switch from views so you could see her face as well.

You can do this with zooms and different backgrounds, I recommend flipping a background. If you want to know more about this, it’s called ‘over the shoulder view’.

It’s some extra work but it’s worth it for important scenes like this

Also, try to avoid using reader messages for credit. It interrupts the story.

CC templates/outfit games: you added the cc in the flow of the story and I admire that! Good job <3

overlays: you did use a lot of overlays and rotating overlays and that’s a great sign of effort! Keep it up <3

• DO I WANT TO READ MORE?
  I’m doubting a little if I want to read more. Your directing is good, but your character development is a little on the down side. But your story plot will make me go to the second chapter!

• GRADE: 15/20

I hope this review was helpful and respectful!
Also, I can’t give you feedback on your grammar because I’m not a native speaker. I recommend finding a proofreader! <3

DM me on Instagram (@abinaya.writes) if you want to talk about this review!

[Abinaya]

REVIEW - Maid of Honour

• FIRST IMPRESSION:

cover/ splashes: Your cover is absolutely amazing! I love the vibe of it. If I was scrolling through episode and saw that cover, I would have clicked immediately.

Your splashes are nice too and did not take a lot of time!

description: your description is really bad. I did not get any information at all and you also repeated a sentence. Go look at your interpunction! If I saw that description, I would have clicked away.

About the description you’ve send me through this thread: much better! Did not get a lot of information but I liked it. Why did you send me a different description through this thread, though?

• CREATIVITY

I love the story plot and what you did with the aura! <3

• BUILD OF STORY

dialogue: it wasn’t the greatest but not the worst either. Try to add more dialogue and narrator bubbles! I loved the second half of this chapter but the first half was disappointing and could have been done in a much shorter time. Again, I loved the second part where the action began! Maybe try and get that same energie on the first half?

extra: I’m not going to check grammar, but it was really bad. You did not even end a sentence with a period. Find a proofreader as soon as possible (I recommend @andrea.j.episode)! People will click away if there is a lot of bad grammar.

choices: add choices! This is a way to make it interactive. I recommend adding this to the first half of your story. Consider making choices that matter.

animations: your animations were on point! The animations by the teacher were amazing and I totally felt the vibe you were going for!

music: add more music and change it in scenes if the vibe changes! Also, the sound of people talking stopped when you went to another background. It’s really sloppy so be aware of the music!

• CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/PERSONALITY

Yes: letting the reader choose a name is good. But add a default name they can choose if they want to read the story how you intended it to be!

Main character is kinda boring. Give her better dialogue that will show who she is! Try using more narrator bubbles with her thoughts or describe things how she sees something.

Example: you can use these examples and change them if you want

• While the lesson was continuing, I felt the need to open the book I was holding for so long. I wanted to read this book the moment I stood up and I can’t wait any longer. [narrator bubbles]

• FLOW

rushing scenes: the beginning was so slow. Can you make her walk faster?

Try to add more pauses. For example, when the mc’s friend was calling her. At a pause of at least one second before she is calling her again.

Again, second half was perfect!

story length: it was way to short! It was 7 minutes for me to read. Make it longer! Don’t make it longer just to make it longer with unnecessary scenes, though. That will give no benefit to the story plot nor character development.

unnecessary scenes: I don’t think you had unnecessary scenes.

• DIRECTING LEVEL

Your directing was fine, but be aware of the height of a character. It is unrealistic to make a character so long that their head will come at the end of the screen.

Try to add more zooms and easing to make it a lot more interesting.

CC templates/outfit games: I love what you did with the background while customizing. Good job!

overlays: again, those overlays while customizing are really nice!

background characters: good job with focusing on background characters and not using default characters. Using defaults is really sloppy so I’m glad you did not do that!

Change their animations from time to time. Changing it will give your story a lot more personality.

• DO I WANT TO READ MORE?

I love the cliffhanger on the teacher and how you made it, but your chapters are really short so I would be doubting to read more.

• GRADE: 10/20

I’m sorry if this came across as rude! I tried to be as respectful as possible <3

DM me on Instagram (@abinaya.writes) if you want to talk about this review!

[Stxrylines]

Tysm, I needed this

• tbh I agree,I’m really bad at grammar

[Abinaya]

That’s not something to feel bad about, love! See the link I’ve added on my thread. She is a good proofreader!

[Stxrylines]

Ty!!!

[Maris99]

➶ Title: Another High School Story

➶ Author: Maris

➶ Genre: drama/thriller

➶ Description: You had always had a normal high school experience that is until your last year of high school. Can you keep your boyfriend a secret from your parents? And then there’s your boyfriend does not like your bestfriend who so happens to be a guy and others seem to not like you and your boyfriend…but what happens when that jealousy turns into rage.

➶ Style: limelight

➶ Published/unpublished: published

➶ Story link (if published): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6594331827306496

➶ I want a grade with my review: yes
➶ Note to me : In this story you are not supposed to know a lot about the characters straight off of the first episode…as it continues on readers will get to understand more things about the characters. Thanks for doing this!