Trapped in my dark thoughts

People will think I’m the last person who would become suicidal. Just because I have a good vibes only aura, but honestly I feel like a mess inside.
I often wish to be free, many people who know me will say my biggest wish is to be free. Sure, I live in a free country and have luxuries that some other people would kill to have but really I feel like I’m falling apart.
I can’t really say I have a bad life in the sense that I’m not in an abusive home, not living in poverty, I have food to eat, etc. On the inside though I feel like I have a hurricane of darkness around me, I have a million discouraging voices in my head, I can’t seem to focus properly in school, I’m forced to do something I have zero passion for, people I’m around at school are fake and backstabbing, sometimes I think all this gets to my head and messes with my diet People always worry that I’m falling into an eating disorder ,and it feels like everything is crashing down.
Everyday I can’t help but think if I wasn’t here, then I wouldn’t have to deal with this. However anytime I seriously consider it and pick up a knife or something, something stops me. Maybe it’s the thought of people who love me losing me but I feel like there’s no inner peace within me, all the chaos is too loud.
I’m young, I’m only 14 but I like to think in most cases I’m rational but I think I’m losing it. I’m considered the funny friend of the group who can brighten anyone’s day, but what they don’t know is I can’t brighten my own day. I can help everyone but myself…
I’m not one to joke around with suicide, I know it’s serious and I’m being serious now. I’m not trying to say I’m certainly going to do it, but I think the thought is coming into my mind more than it should.
I feel trapped and helpless.

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Queen! I’ll be honest I never thought you would feel like this at all and I hate to hear you say that you do. Just know you’re like one of my best friends here on forums/discord. Please pm whenever whenever you need to talk! I’m here for you through thick and thin and I’ll pray and hope you can fight through these feelings. You’re so strong don’t let negativity bring you down. :purple_heart:

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I feel that way…

I’m so sorry about that. Depression is something that really screws you up. It hurts to know that I can’t do anything for you. To be there. It pains me to know that you’re suffering, that you’re hurt. I’m not going to tell you, “Get better!” Because depression doesn’t fly away in a day. It takes a long, long time to recover. You can relapse back into it again. However, you, darling, are a phoenix. Your time hasn’t come yet, so enjoy it. People need you. People love you so much, and you have to know that. We love you and care for you. Take a break if you need to. And if you ever want to talk, message me. You’re an amazing person. I love you. Remember this.

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most of the countries in the world are free. saying America is the only free country is like saying England are the only country with white people.

now to your actual problem, you do not need to have a bad life. I have properly one of greatest life ever with the best family. and I have still been suicidal because I was bullied in school. I have been deep down in depression. you can always find people who have a better and worse life than you. when I was 15 I thought I could never have a life.

I am 23 now I am in a great place. therapy got me here. if you have depression tell your parents your teachers. do not keep quiet. that is the worst you can do. say it often and say it loud. get help.

depression is hard to get through. but do not fall for the easy solution that death is. it is game over. no more after that. and I do not care if you believe in the afterlife. cause death is final. you will never see the one you love again. or do the stuff you love

you will get better, but get help. therapy helps

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well them who judge you screw them. that is the kind of people who put you in the situasion. there is nothing wrong with getting help.

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stick with them. and get help. you know multiple famouse people have had depression. it is commen.

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Yeah I’ll try looking into it
I really hate talking about my problems but I’ll try…

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I’m 15 and sometimes I feel the very same way. I feel like one bad thought leads to another and in the end you don’t wanna live anymore just because of your thoughts. (My opinion)
But good thoughts and good memories keep you alive. Remember something good, remember your smile and your feelings when you are with friends. If your friends are trustworthy, spend time with them. When you are with them turn off, forget all your difficulties and routine. Enjoy these moments! Open up to your friends and enjoy your time with them. You can enjoy a lot of things, you just need to try something new. Like they say, find yourself! Discover new hobbies! Discover new people, new activities. School is not forever. Fulfill your free time with something exciting and interesting!
Remember people who love you! You are worthy, you deserve happiness! There will always be negative people. Ignore them. Don’t let them destroy your life! Find your real enjoyable life!

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I know how you feel but you have to keep moving forward I have been in that dark place and am still there and I started that dark place at the age of 8 and I am 13 now don’t think about the dark side ,people in this world today will make you feel this way because time has changed we have alot in common the funny friend the dark place the loosing mind but it will be alright :smile: just breath and do hobbies to get your mind off of it :grin:

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I started trying suicide when I was 7 because it was just hard but you have to think about who will all miss you. This is a deep subject but you can break through :smile:

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@AnimeOtome
@KQUEEN
trust me as a person who has been through depression. therapy helps. it’s good for you.people who has a problem with is better who you are better without. none of my friends did

but remember you may not even realise it you get better. I did not I thought it was a waste of time. but them around who saw the difference. and at last, I also did myself

getting better takes and a lot of it . for me it was years. but you can pull through. you two are kids. you have not experienced anything in life. time heals but it wont do it alone get support from people you love

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What if we can’t talk to a therapist often?

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Hi. I’m 13. I have depression and I have an eating disorder. My depression is very severe, I’m in intensive outpatient care, and the only reason I’m not in hospital is because my parents don’t tell the doctors the extent of things. I know how you feel. I’m lucky. I have friends, a roof over my head. My parents used to be abusive, but I got a happily ever after ending. They saw sense and stopped. I have amazing friends, and I can fit in anywhere. People see me as bright, bubbly and helpful. I’m also the sun in my friend group. You and I have so many similarities, it’s kind of weird :sweat_smile:

But let me tell you- just because you have the necessities, it doesn’t mean you can’t be depressed. People may tell you you’re being ungrateful. They’ll shove the fact that there are starving people in Africa down your throat. And in a way, this angers us. It makes us feel invalid. Despite that, we are depressed. And that’s something that should be allowed. You can be upset.

Every time I pick up a knife, I self harm. But something, like you, stops me from doing serious damage to myself. I don’t know what it is either. But hold on to it as tightly as you can. Don’t give in to the voices. I know it’s hard, and I know that it feels like if you weren’t here, you’d feel better. But you wouldn’t. By ending your life, you’re throwing away any glimmer of hope. You’re throwing away any chance for things to get better. As long as you’re alive, things can get better. So stay alive, with me. I understand what you’re going through and if you ever need to talk, we can talk.

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i only went once a mounth but

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the logic that you can not be sad because other has a worse life. is the same as saying your you hit your arm but it can not hurt because someone els has broken thears .

also a list over famouse people with depression. to show evryone can get it
https://www.socialworkdegreeguide.com/30-famous-people-alive-today-battled-depression/

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Outside of school I don’t have someone to talk to.

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I shared a post like this one, I was going to comment here but I guess it doesn’t really fill in with the rest of you guys’ problems :slightly_frowning_face:

https://forums.episodeinteractive.com/t/how-is-did-your-current-last-relationship-going/174830?u=trueffle

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Holy shit this is exactly how I feel. Trust me the amount of toxic people I have been friends with and that are in my friend group have given my severe anxiety, I feel so alone even when I’m in this huge group of people. Even when I’m included I always feel exiled. Like I feel insane. I just can’t seem to comprehend that people love me and that just makes me constantly feel like I’m being denied happiness and denying my own happiness. I’ve never been able to actually do anything about it I just feel so miserable all the time. I just want it to end but I just can’t end it. School’s hard, life’s hard, people are backstabbing dicks but honestly I’m just getting tired of this. It feels nothing like I do is enough.

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If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. :yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart:

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