Here’s your review, @Sebule hope I was helpful x
Summary
- Personally I wouldn’t click on the cover but the description sounds interesting.
- The directing in the first scene is great!
- “Don’t say hop before you jump” You might want to say “Don’t leap before you look.”
- You might want to improve on your grammar, it doesn’t make that much sense. There are lot’s of proof reader’s who can read your story.
- The story plot is really intriguing.
- I really like Raven and Helena they are bad ass bitches.
- When Raven talks to the audience I suggest you don’t make it INT. BLACK - DAY but maybe a scene when she is explaining all the rules to someone.
- The overlays of Ravens cuts and bruises are also underneath Helena, you might want to change the layer.
- I really like the story so far.
- Is Myroslav a child?
- Aww,
he’s so sad.
*It’s really hard to read the flashing text. - I can tell that your choices matter.
- Cliffhangers are a great way to make people want to read on.
- Overall, you just need a bit of improvement on your directing and maybe you might like a proof reader. Also I wouldn’t personally tap on the story because of the cover. Apart from that the plot is amazing and I really like the characters personality.
- This story is a 7.5/10