Personally I wouldn’t click on the cover but the description sounds interesting.
The directing in the first scene is great!
“Don’t say hop before you jump” You might want to say “Don’t leap before you look.”
You might want to improve on your grammar, it doesn’t make that much sense. There are lot’s of proof reader’s who can read your story.
The story plot is really intriguing.
I really like Raven and Helena they are bad ass bitches.
When Raven talks to the audience I suggest you don’t make it INT. BLACK - DAY but maybe a scene when she is explaining all the rules to someone.
The overlays of Ravens cuts and bruises are also underneath Helena, you might want to change the layer.
I really like the story so far.
Is Myroslav a child?
Aww, he’s so sad.
*It’s really hard to read the flashing text.
I can tell that your choices matter.
Cliffhangers are a great way to make people want to read on.
Overall, you just need a bit of improvement on your directing and maybe you might like a proof reader. Also I wouldn’t personally tap on the story because of the cover. Apart from that the plot is amazing and I really like the characters personality.
Thank you,
I struggle with english a lot
Myroslav isn’t a child, he just had an accident… there’s flashback about him in the second chapter .
And I also want a new cover but I have no idea what should it look like ://
Btw would you like a reader want to continue reading it or not?
Story name Vip Brother:Love is… Authors name Megz_episode Episodes 5 Instagram name megz_episode7997 How many episode you want me to review 4 are enough Description A story about 16 celebrities who enter the house of Big Brother uder 24/7 surveillance for 2 months to win the prize of 500 000$, but before that they have to go through all challenges of Big Brother.
I would like you to promote my story. Style LL Cover
Thank you, I’m happy to hear that! , if you don’t mind making me a cover I would really appreciate it! I have been thinking about it a lot but still I have no idea -_- and I don’t want just a random cover, but you already know what’s this story about so it will be great!
Hey girl @Unicornlover346 <3
I think that’s a pretty sweet and selfless idea of you. It’s amazing how the community is willing to help each other.
So, I am currently adding another scene to one of my first chapters. However, after that, I will gladly also ask a review for my story, if that’s alright for you
And if you want, I can also make a review of your story as well
I am a reviewer for my group @epimaniacs at Instagram. So, just in case anyone wants to get another review opinion - you can just head to instagram then.
So, @Unicornlover346 I will come back to you after I have finished reading your story <3 Please, just tell me if you want to get it on the thread or, if you would prefer to get it via PM.
Oh, and I am going to post my story details as soon as I have finished the extra scene
Instead of making the reader choose what the family looks like you could use a code to make them look like the MC when she’s customised.
I like how the choices matter.
The directing is great and i can tell that you put a lot of effort into your story.
I kind of didn’t get to say anything else because I was too busy reading your story
Episode 2:
I have noting to say, It’s great!
I don’t think I have to review it anymore, it’s amazing! I hope it get’s loads more reviews and it’s a really good first story. xx
This story is a 10/10
Normally covers that’s just a photo is a big turn off as they don’t look professional. I could help you with this but making you a cover, if you want you can PM me the details.
You don’t need to tell people that english is your 3rd language as you could get proof readers on the episode forums and they can see if you have any mistakes, just get straight to the story!
The description sounds intriguing and the plot sounds like a really good and unique idea!
You might want to look at the directing a bit, when the MC is going into the customisation she slides in instead of walking, apart from that the directing is really good so far.
Aww, I feel so sorry for all the girls.
Some of the backgrounds are very blurry, you might want to use higher quality images.
I forgot to say more it was so interesting!
Episode 2:
You made me really hate the grandma (which is good btw).
It’s good that you gave a disclaimer about Jerusalem’s status now.
Episode 3:
This episode was great I didn’t get to say anything.
Overall you might just need a proof reader and someone to do you’re cover. The plot was great and I really felt sorry for the characters. I am a muslim and I found it interesting to see what it would be like in different countries.
First impression: 5/10 Directing: 8/10 The plot: 8.5/10 The characters: 9/10 Speech/grammar: 6/10
thank you so much for taking the time to review my story it means so much!!! and you were helpful indeed!
also,
i do already have one in there, but the lip colors don’t always match with characters of darker skin tones so i give the reader to edit them if they need to
Hey dear <3 @Unicornlover346
I finally found time to read your first chapter of your story.
First of all - I LOVED YOUR INTRO <3 the black man running made this whole thing really unique.
A few other details I have noticed and wanted to tell you (I hope you don’t mind since I always try to be very specific to help the authors improve her story )
Did you want the MC run to her mother thaaat fast or, did you maybe miss the &walks to spot XY in zone X in 5s command?
I liked the directing in front of the school and - your directing in general is good I liked that you used background characters.
I have spotted speech bubble errors when MC and Derrick are talking to each other.
Outside the classrom it should be “your place instead of you’re place” and also “clothes” instead of “cloths” when Alexa and MC are going to shop (Um… if cloths is a synonym for clothes; I am sorry. English isn’t my first language and I don’t know the synonym then :-))
When Alexa exits left, she exits way too big and the layering is behind the MC. Maybe you could try to use the spot directing to exit here, instead of the @exits left command?
When Alexa comes back, she is sliding instead of walking because she starts talking too early. (same when MC comes back after changing back in her normal clothes) The speech bubbles are also in a wrong place.
You wrote “Well I looks like you’re not getting a donut then” instead “Well, it looks like you’re not getting a donut then.”
Speech bubbles after the flash back about the mask are also placed wrong; same with speech bubbles when MC is talking to her father.
I liked the cliffhanger at the end of Episode 1.
I loved that you didn’t kept introducing every single part of the MC’s life since I am not a fan of that. I liked the beginning and also the flashbacks. It really keeps us hooked and curious to read more about the MC. Also, It’s great that you also use the point system. <3
I hope I could help you a bit And feel free to tell me also about errors, you may notice while reading my story as well.
Especially since I have revamped my first 3 chapters, I would really appreciate if you could tell me about wrong speech bubbles or tell me if you noticed any grammar mistakes (since English isn’t my 1st language… I bought a program to check on everything, but though…)
he’s so sad.
there’s flashback about him in the second chapter .
, if you don’t mind making me a cover I would really appreciate it! I have been thinking about it a lot but still I have no idea -_- and I don’t want just a random cover, but you already know what’s this story about so it will be great! 
However, after that, I will gladly also ask a review for my story, if that’s alright for you 
Hope you will like it!
