Unpublished LL Story Needs Reviewing Please ❤

Hello!

Long time, no post. I’m Days and I have an unpublished story called (Un)Eligible Bachelor which is about a runaway groom Lalit who was forced into a corner to break up with the love of his life. Barely healing from the breakup, his mother not so subtly sets him up with the bride of his mother’s dreams.

Fast forward to the day of his wedding with his rebound (who he was not so subtly set up with by his mother) makes the life-changing decision to run and never look back.

He ends up running like he never ran before into a town with no money, no phone and no place to stay. A kind stranger is willing to help Lalit on a journey of self-discovery, trying to find love and saving the people he loves.

This story is in limelight and this story is in the draft stages, I’m requesting a review to see if the story flows properly and is enjoyable. There are some rough directing issues but they’ll be addressed. The important thing is that you don’t fall asleep while reading this haha.

Here is the link:

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Hi, I read your story and here are some things I noted:

  1. When Lalit goes to leave the reception, instead of having him do the dust off animation, make him do the transition_sit_to_stand animation to make him stand up smoothly.
  2. When Lalit flashed back to his anniversary with Elena, he said they were dating for five years, but halfway through it, he said, “She’s the love of my life and I have been dating her for three years.”
  3. I, too, am Asian and there are a lot of superstitions and traditions I don’t care much for, so I can relate to him when he said that he hated certain traditions and ideologies, but I don’t think articulate is the right word to describe him in that sense.
  4. You’re doing a great job with making the mother unlikeable and an example of what a big part of our society is, people who refuse to be more open-minded and get rid of their prejudices, basically people who need to get their heads out of their bums. The dad too. He represents the people who somewhat want to change but are afraid of what everyone else is going to think/say.
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Thank you so much, I’ll take these on board and cool profile pic (is it of the True Beauty main character, if so I love that webtoon)

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Yes, it is. I love that webtoon too :relaxed:

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Hey are down for reviewing mine??

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What is it about?

It’s a reality show with 5 singles but you can get eliminated and there are new members everytime, it looks plain but I think it’s interesting and choices matter a lot. It’s called “The unEXpected show”

Alright, I’ll review yours :smile: just give me the link

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Thanks!!!

Any others wanna review the story?

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