๐Ÿฐ Vic Reviews ๐Ÿฐ (CLOSED)

:rabbit: Hey! Iโ€™m low key super bored and looking for new stories to read, so I figured Iโ€™d give reviewing a shot. (Especially since this is a great way to find stories from up-and-coming authors.)

Pretty simple: drop the link to your story and Iโ€™ll read the first episode and give you my thoughts. (Or DM me the link.)

I will provide feedback on directing, plot consistency, and grammar, as well as any additional comments I may have. It is my intention to help improve your story; donโ€™t take any criticism personally.

Please respect my time. If you are not actually looking for feedback, donโ€™t comment. I try to be detailed, so reading/reviewing a single episode can take me up to an hour.

Thanks, and I canโ€™t wait to read your amazing stories! :rabbit:

:rabbit: Currently Reading:

:rabbit: Waitlist:

:rabbit: Complete:

:rabbit: If youโ€™d like to follow me on Instagram, that would mean a lot to me. (And I have been known to host the occasional giveaway where I spend gems on peopleโ€™s stories. :eyes:)

If youโ€™d like to read my stories as well, here are the links:

I love Sleight of Hand (COMPLETE)! Check it out! Episode Writer Portal

I love Finding Farsafaca (COMPLETE)! Check it out! Episode Writer Portal

Iโ€™m reading Lost Star (9). Check it out: Episode Writer Portal

15 Likes

Hi thanks for making this thread !

Iโ€™d love to hear your thoughts on my story :blush:

Story Link: Marriage First, Love Later

1 Like

Hey, sorry for the wait. I was asleep lol. I just read the first chapter because I have a nasty headache right now. Loving it so far; keep up the great work!

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s input for โ€˜Marriage First, Love Laterโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • Nice intro.
  • Opening scene was definitely attention grabbing! (But also had me a bit confused.)

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Overall very good, but there were some minor errors.
  • Some sentences were broken up into two speech bubbles (for the animations?) which slightly impeded the flow of my reading. Instead of ending the first part with a period (.) I would recommend using an ellipses (โ€ฆ). see**
  • I forgot to grab a screenshot, but since Daniel calls his mother โ€œMaโ€ in place of her name, it should be capitalized.
Should be โ€˜stressedโ€™.

Comma is not necessary.

Itโ€™s a question (?) (Though you can also leave it if itโ€™s rhetorical.)

**

I guess this is tough to change since itโ€™s an overlay, but the last sentence seems to be missing some parts.

Anyโ€ฆ what?

No need to capitalize โ€˜fiancรฉโ€™

:rabbit: Directing:

  • Speech bubbles are a bit small, which I am assuming is a stylistic choice. (However it also makes it kinda hard to read.)
  • The opening to the mechanic scene is chefโ€™s kiss :face_exhaling:
  • Overall great directing and attention to detail!
This interesting sizing. (Not sure if itโ€™s intentional.)

With this zoom, the fact that she is standing (rather than sitting) is visible.


:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

  • So far, the plot has been consistent. (Involving Danielโ€™s familyโ€™s financial struggles.)

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • Chapter length is good!
  • LOVE the plot. (I am a sucker for this trope! :tired_face:)
  • Storytelling is on point! No boring moments.
  • Not being able to customize the characters may be a bit of a turn off for readers, but of course this is up to you as the author!
  • Love the subtle inclusivity!
4 Likes

Hi, and hereโ€™s my story if youโ€™d like to review it.

Hereโ€™s the link?

1 Like

Hi! I just read Episode 1. I think what you have right now is a great start and your story has lots of potential!

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜Oh Son Where Art Thouโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • Between waiting for the transition to complete and the time it was paused there, the content warning was there forโ€ฆ quite some time.
Kinda squished. Also, one of the kissing characters has some of the script on his legs. (There are tons of great editors here on the forums that would be happy to help you out if youโ€™re interested!)

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Mostly good, but there were quite a few run-on sentences.
Maybe try a simple โ€˜It all started a long time ago, when I was happy.โ€™ for clarity.

Lacking end punctuation.




Maybe simply have โ€˜Just seeing him would disgust me.โ€™ for clarity.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • The transitions donโ€™t have to be quite as long. I would recommend 3 seconds max.
  • At the end of each scene, the zoom resets for a second. (Not sure if this is intentional.)
  • During scenes with dialogue, the characters pause with the idle animation after talking, which felt kind of choppy. To avoid this choppiness, I recommend using โ€˜@CHARACTER starts idleโ€™ instead of โ€˜@CHARACTER is idleโ€™.
The actions in this scene are a bit awkward looking (as the characters on the edge are frozen in odd positions for half of it), and the characters on the edge of the screen could probably be closer to the middle. Also this sentence isnโ€™t really necessary.

Iโ€™m guessing the characters are at screen left and screen right. I highly recommend spot directing them, as that helps build complexity into the scene.


Honorary Mention: screen left, screen right, AND screen center.

The girlfriend just idling here looks a bit unnatural. Maybe try using the animation โ€˜idle_armcrossed_awkward_loopโ€™ (not entirely sure thatโ€™s what itโ€™s called) or something similar that fits the vibe youโ€™re going for here.

Scaling.

:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

  • Assuming heโ€™s just an ordinary citizen, why would someone go through the effort of photoshopping a picture of the main character cheating? If he wasnโ€™t the main character, I suspect most readers would be thinking he really did cheat. This seems like a bit of a stretch in terms of reasonable conflict (just my opinion).
But heโ€ฆ didnโ€™t (reason with her)? To call back to the โ€˜why would anyone bother?โ€™, instead of throwing a wild-sounding photoshop theory, โ€˜reasoningโ€™ with her would be more like โ€˜but weโ€™ve been at each otherโ€™s side at all times!โ€™ or something. Considering the evidence sheโ€™s seen, itโ€™s honestly a completely reasonable response to leave and this doesnโ€™t really drum up the sympathy readers should be experiencing for the main character (in my opinion ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ).

Hisโ€ฆ ex-boss? (We havenโ€™t met any ex-boss at this point.)

Context? (Who is this from? It doesnโ€™t look like an official document.)

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • I recommend offering a default name for the main character, his son, and his love interest just in case people donโ€™t want to come up with names.
  • This story will definitely be one of my male MC story recommendations!
  • This is definitely a unique slice-of-life story with lots of potential to take readers on an emotional journey. I would only recommend some more attention to character placement and punctuation. Hope this helps!
3 Likes

Iโ€™d love for you to review my story :smiling_face:

Hey, looking for some feedback :blush:

Thanks for the feedback and Iโ€™ll definitely revamp this story sometime. But right now, itโ€™s not on my priority list as Iโ€™m busy with other projects on Episode.

1 Like

Iโ€™d like you to share your thoughts about my story and thanks for the thread

Story Title : STOLEN DESIRES

Story Description : In a thrilling twist, high-profile thief Leon targets Salmaโ€™s company, but a mistake leads to her getting kidnapped. Will he end her or get his DARK heart stolen?

Genre : Dark Romance/ Drama/ Action/ Thriller

Trope : Enemies to lovers, Forced Proximity

Instagram : @aquawrites4

Chapters Available : 3 episodes and more coming soon

Link to Story : STOLEN DESIRES

:spades:FULL CC
:spades:MALE MC
:spades:FEMALE Li
:spades:ART SCENES
:spades:ADVANCED DIRECTING
:spades:ONE ENDING
:spades:BONUS SCENES

Hey! I love Sleight of Hand! I havenโ€™t read many stories like it.
Hereโ€™s the link to my story if youโ€™d like to review it. Itโ€™s been out for over a year already and has lots of reads so I probably donโ€™t need reviewing as much as others do but I thought Iโ€™d give it a try.

1 Like

Hey, Iโ€™d love to get your feedback :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: hereโ€™s my story:

๐—ง๐—ถ๐˜๐—น๐—ฒ: ๐–ณ๐—ˆ๐–ข๏ผš๐–ข๐–บ๐—‰๐—๐—Ž๐—‹๐—‚๐—‡๐—€ ๐–ง๐–พ๐–บ๐—‹๐—๐—Œ

๐——๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฝ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป: ๐–ฆ๐–พ๐—‡๐–พ๐—๐—‚๐–พ๐—๐–พ๏ผŒ๐–บ ๐—๐–พ๐–ฝ๐–ฝ๐—‚๐—‡๐—€ ๐—‰๐—๐—ˆ๐—๐—ˆ๐—€๐—‹๐–บ๐—‰๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐—€if๐—๐–พ๐–ฝ ๐—๐—‚๐—๐— ๐—๐—๐–พ ๐–บ๐—‹๐— ๐—ˆ๐–ฟ ๐—‹๐–พ๐—๐–พ๐–บ๐—…๐—‚๐—‡๐—€ ๐—…๐—ˆ๐—๐–พ ๐—Œ๐—๐—ˆ๐—‹๐—‚๐–พ๐—Œ ๐—๐—๐—‹๐—ˆ๐—Ž๐—€๐— ๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐—…๐–พ๐—‡๐—Œ๏ผŒ ๐—…๐—ˆ๐—‡๐—€๐—Œ ๐–ฟ๐—ˆ๐—‹ ๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐—ˆ๐—๐—‡๏ผŽ๐–ข๐—Ž๐—‹๐—Œ๐–พ๐–ฝ ๐—๐—ˆ ๐—‡๐–พ๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐–พ๐—‘๐—‰๐–พ๐—‹๐—‚๐–พ๐—‡๐–ผ๐–พ ๐—…๐—ˆ๐—๐–พ๏ผŒ๐–ผ๐–บ๐—‡ ๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐—๐–บ๐—…๐–พ๐—‡๐— ๐—‹๐–พ๐—๐—‹๐—‚๐—๐–พ ๐—๐–พ๐—‹ ๐–ฟ๐–บ๐—๐–พ๏ผŸ

๐—š๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฟ๐—ฒ: ๐–ฑ๐—ˆ๐—†๐–บ๐—‡๐–ผ๐–พ๏ผŒ๐–ฅ๐–บ๐—‡๐—๐–บ๐—Œ๐—’

๐—œ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—น๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐˜€: ๐–ข๐—๐—ˆ๐—‚๐–ผ๐–พ๐—Œ ๐—๐—๐–บ๐— ๐—†๐–บ๐—๐—๐–พ๐—‹๏ผŒ ๐–ฏ๐—ˆ๐—‚๐—‡๐— ๐–ฒ๐—’๐—Œ๐—๐–พ๐—†๏ผŒ๐– ๐—‹๐— ๐–ฒ๐–ผ๐–พ๐—‡๐–พ๐—Œ๏ผŒ ๐–ฅ๐—Ž๐—…๐—… ๐–ข๐–ข

๐—ฅ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐——๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: ๐Ÿฃ๐Ÿซ๐—๐— ๐—ˆ๐–ฟ ๐–ฃ๐–พ๐–ผ๐–พ๐—†๐–ป๐–พ๐—‹

Link:

Hey! Iโ€™ve just read the first episode.

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜Rebellious Heartsโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • Nice intro and hook.

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Alright, but finding proofreaders could be beneficial. (There are tons of people here on the forums who would be happy to help!)
  • Ellipses should be โ€˜โ€ฆโ€™ not โ€˜โ€ฆโ€™
  • Some sentences were missing end punctuation. I didnโ€™t catch them all but some are under **.
  • One of Mr. Parkerโ€™s lines as he discusses the project is not capitalized.
โ€™Little Miss Innocentโ€™ should be capitalized.

Perhaps a simple โ€˜???โ€™ would suffice.

โ€™Wasโ€™ should be โ€˜wereโ€™.

โ€Yourโ€ should be โ€œyouโ€™reโ€.


This one also should say โ€œbabyโ€™sโ€ instead of โ€œbabysโ€™โ€:

I missed taking a screenshot but โ€œGirl your so luckyโ€ is included in this bracket.

โ€™Vanessaโ€™ should be capitalized.

**



This one should also say โ€œWeโ€™reโ€ instead of โ€œWereโ€:





![IMG_0869|281x500]
(upload://tgC5YjN74GN9Ih9C5ENcQ9i4ane.png)











Remove the comma and change the period into a question mark.

โ€™Summer Cafeโ€™ should be capitalized.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • Some characters are placed a bit unnaturally, but I would consider the directing good overall.
  • When Ivy sits down at the desk, she kinda just pops behind it.
I clicked the option to not customize him but it still brought me to the CC menu.

The edge of the fog overlay is visible here.

Interesting hand placement there, Ivy...

:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

  • Iโ€™m in high school right now, andโ€ฆ Lola would get dress-coded so fast lol.

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • Overall good story. I would just recommend putting a little more time into proofreading or getting other people to proofread for you.
2 Likes

Hey! What you have in the first episode is pretty good!

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜Neon Desireโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • Thereโ€™s no cover. Adding one would probably help make the story more recognizable/enticing to tap on.

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Spectacular.
โ€™Haveโ€™ should be โ€˜hadโ€™.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • A lot of the speech bubbles are in an odd place. I recommend choosing a specific area you want to aim them at (I usually use the closer shoulder) and stick with that. see**
For aesthetics, this text bubble could be moved to above Haileyโ€™s head.

The characters are at the bottom of the screen, which is kinda awkward. It also looks like sheโ€™s sitting in the booth with the guest rather than serving him.


Is heโ€ฆ standing at screen left? Some varied spot directing really helps build scenes.

Holy height difference. I guess itโ€™s common, especially in mafia stories, but it was a bit of a jumpscare for me. ๐Ÿ˜… She also (at the end of the scene) just exits left, so her scaling ends up strange.

There are some animations that talk while reading off a phone.

Again, basically screen left/right. I recommend placing the characters strategically against the background as it would add some dimension.


Elliott just walked right over her. (@ELLIOTT enters from right to screen center?)

** Looks Like Hailey is saying the line.

:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

This scene kinda just got sprung on us. Weโ€™ve not yet been introduced to Haileyโ€™s desire to work at a recording label (assuming thatโ€™s what it is as there was no context). I see we do later find out that sheโ€™s just desperately looking for work, which does match the storyโ€™s description.

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • End of the chapter is a bit abrupt.
  • This is a good start, and your grammar is great! I would only recommend diversifying character placement as it really adds depth to scenes!
3 Likes

Hey, I read the first episode and here are my thoughts!

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜Stolen Desiresโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • Love the cover! Title matches description in a sleek way.
  • Splashes are a bit hard to read. (Light font x light background)
  • The safe opening graphic is chefโ€™s kiss.

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Very good.
Maybe try: โ€˜All the best, girlie. I know youโ€™ll ace it tomorrow.โ€™ for clarity.

โ€™For f*ckโ€™s sake.โ€™


Replace comma with semicolon.

โ€Itโ€™sโ€ should be โ€œItsโ€.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • The news articles and billboards only show the original customization of the love interest. Iโ€™d maybe recommend adding a warning before people customize that says he will no longer match the news.
  • We donโ€™t always have to see the full room. Itโ€™s okay to skip some of the pans and just zoom on the characters.
Since heโ€™s not facing the mirror, his reflection should be doing a rear animation.

The first puff of smoke in this scene appears too early (when heโ€™s still inhaling).

Visual outfit bug.

:rabbit: Consistency:

Everything else has been censored with a โ€˜*โ€™.

Are they not completing the job that night?

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • Whyyyy is he killing everyone?
  • How has no one taken one look at him (considering the bold hair color) and been like: hey, ainโ€™t that the thief?
  • I love Champion OMG. :dog2:
  • Overall, nice storytelling. I can definitely tell you put time and energy into it.
I missed taking a screenshot, but $200 for cigarettes and beer?

4 Likes

Thank you for the comment and I will work on your suggestions :spades::two_hearts:. I appreciate :spades:

Thank you so much!

OMG thank you so much! :face_holding_back_tears:
I read the first episode and this is such a cool concept!

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜The Fourth Wallโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • The splashes all seem to have a different theme. (Not necessarily a bad thing.)
  • Cool hook.

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Overall great grammar.
  • I forgot to grab a screenshot, but when Valerie says โ€˜thatโ€™s my queueโ€™ it should be โ€˜cueโ€™.
Remove comma.

Missing end punctuation.



Switch second comma to semicolon.


โ€™Vailโ€™ should be โ€˜veilโ€™.

Change โ€˜apartโ€™ to โ€˜a partโ€™ or โ€˜partโ€™.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • Love the hsl usage.
Speech bubble isnโ€™t aimed at the speaking character. I recommend choosing a part of the body to aim the speech bubble at for consistency. (I usually do the closer shoulder.)


When Lydia exits left, she becomes really big.

Scaling doesnโ€™t fit with the background. (Unless sheโ€™s a giant.)

Character is just at screen right. Spot directing characters in a scene is a great way to add dimension to scenes.




With the positioning/layering, it looks like Amberlynn is floating.

Characterโ€™s face is covered by the speech bubble.


Lydia just tucked the cupcake into her armpit. Also, the character placement of the three in the foreground could use some diversifying.

I recommend using a rear walking animation.

Love the sledgehammer movement, but the watermark on the wall is visible.

Theyโ€™re all walking on top of each other.

:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

  • Looking good! Love the flashes between reality and โ€˜realityโ€™.

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • Itโ€™s giving WandaVision :sparkles:
  • Coding so many characters into one scene on multiple occasions is NOT easy, so mad respect for that.
  • Overall, amazing plot! The only thing I would recommend working on is some of the character and speech bubble placement.
3 Likes

Hey, Iโ€™d really love to hear what feedback you have for me on my first story!

:star2:STORY: Amenable Ana

:star2:GENRE: Fantasy - Romance

:star2:DESCRIPTION: Born cursed with obedience, Princess Ana is under everyoneโ€™s spell. What happens when the sons of a rival kingdom are forced to move in, arranged by Anaโ€™s once hesitant mother?

Hey thank you for helping us out :blob_sun: I have two stories, If you can review both it would be great if you canโ€™t that is alright by me :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

My New Beginning

Title: My New Beginning
Author: Shivali
Genre: Adventure
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 20 - more coming out
Are you ready to arise from the shadows of your past & find loveโ€™s true potential? Will you find the strength to conquer your inner demons, or will it conflict with your soulmate?
Other Info Full CC of MC, family & friends, LI. Bonus Scenes, Art Scenes, Point System, Choices Matter, Hollywood Recommended Badge
Episode Writer Portal

Chasing The Sun & Moon

Title: Fabled: Chasing The Sun & Moon
Author: Shivali
Genre: Fantasy (Mystery/Romance)
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 8- Outgoing
Description: Azula must bring her mom back to life! Vampire Royalโ€™s agreed to help, yet her Werewolf family HATES Vampires. There is only one way to make it work by choosing, the Sun or the Moon?
Other Info Full CC of MC, family, LI.'s Bonus Scenes, Art Scenes, Point System, Choices Matter,
Rainbow Hidden Gem Badge, Second Place of Best Romantic Partnership - Episode Awards 2023
Episode Writer Portal

Uh, hi! LITERALLY SO GOOD SKSJDSDSFAS. I am at a loss for words. Thank you for gracing me with this masterpiece.

๐Ÿฐ Vicโ€™s Input for โ€˜Capturing Heartsโ€™

:rabbit: First Impressions:

  • GORGEOUS cover and menu. The lil camera in the corner is such a nice touch!

:rabbit: Grammar:

  • Very good, but with some word choice errors.
Agony probably isn't the right word to use here. Definition (courtesy of Oxford Dictionary): 'Extreme physical or mental suffering.'"

I think you meant โ€˜empathizeโ€™ instead of emphasizeโ€™.

Not exactly grammar, but I'll add it here. โ€˜Netflix and chillโ€™ is a slang term for s*xual activity, which I'm guessing is not what Genevieve is up to.

:rabbit: Directing:

  • No words. Just amazing.
  • The attention to detail is INSANE. Especially with the lighting, overlays, background characters, and hsl filters.

:rabbit: Plot Consistency:

  • Sensing darkness in someone and wanting them in the same scene is kinda wild. (But Iโ€™m here for it!)

:rabbit: Additional Comments:

  • Perfect. Amazing. Spectacular.
  • Thank you for letting us choose whether or not we want to customize the whole family!
  • Aesthetics are top tier.
  • I love this, I love you, and I am feeling great measures of love right now thanks to this story.
  • If you marry me, Genevieve could be our wedding photographer. Just saying. :joy: :woman_shrugging:t2:
4 Likes