VOTE: Which Version Of This Scene Is Better?

I need advice! Which version is better?

Jamie walks up
Jamie: Hi Anna.
Anna is shocked
Anna: Jamie!
Jamie: Hi cousin.
Anna looks at Jamie
Anna: So…
Anna: When did this happen?
Jamie: A year or two ago.
Anna: Well…
Anna: I’m happy for you.
Jamie: Thank you.
Anna: However…
Jamie: However?
Anna: It kinda upsets me that you didn’t tell me as soon as it happened.
Jamie: It was hard for me, Anna. I’m sorry.
Anna: You were the first person I trusted when I came out of the closet.
Anna: We were always so close, Jamie.
Anna: I always thought we’d stay that way.
Jamie: It’s not the same, Anna.
Jamie: It’s one thing to come out.
Jamie: Another to change your gender.
Anna: You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard my foster mom’s reaction.
Anna: She disowned me.
Anna: You don’t know how hard it was for me when you stopped calling everyday.
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Jamie: But, can you imagine what I’m going through?
Jamie: Everyone looks at me like I’m infected.
Anna: Jamie…
Anna: Victoria abused me.
Anna: Talking to you made me feel…
Anna: Like I was worth something.
Jamie: Ann…
Jamie: I’m really sorry.
Jamie: I just thought you would understand.
Jamie: I get bullied.
Jamie: And my parents don’t understand.
Jamie: I was scared…
Jamie: I needed time.
Anna: I do understand.
Anna: I just…
Anna: I missed you.
Anna: I thought you stopped calling because I did something wrong.
Jamie: Of course not!
Anna: Listen to just some of what I put up with…
Anna presses her finger on the recording
Victoria: You’re so fat! No boy will ever love you!
Anna: My cousin Jamie loves me.
Victoria: Then why hasn’t he called you in two months?
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Jamie: I just needed to get away.
Anna: I forgive you.
Anna: But there’s one other thing you should know.
Anna hands a newspaper to Jamie
Anna: Read.
Jamie reads it then looks back at Anna in shock
Jamie: Why didn’t you tell me?
Anna: I was ashamed.
Anna: I felt weak.
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Anna: Just…
Anna: Just promise me when can start talking everyday like we used to.
Jamie: I promise.
Jamie walks up
Anna: Jamie!
Jamie: Hi Anna.
Anna: I missed you!
Jamie: I’ve missed you too,
Anna looks at Jamie
Anna: So…
Anna: When did this happen?
Jamie: Not that long ago…
Anna: Oh…
Anna: I’m happy for you.
Jamie: What’s wrong, Ann?
Anna: Why didn’t you tell me?
Jamie: …
Anna: You can’t even tell me…
Jamie: I’m really sorry.
Jamie: I just thought you would understand.
Jamie: I get bullied.
Jamie: And my parents don’t understand.
Jamie: I was scared…
Jamie: I needed time.
Anna: I do.
Anna: It’s just…
Anna: I’ve always felt I could trust you with anything.
Anna: And it kinda hurts realizing you don’t feel the same way.
Anna: We were always so close.
Jamie: I do feel the same way.
Jamie: But I needed time to figure everything out.
Jamie: It’s hard walking around while everyone’s looking at you like your some type of disease.
Anna: I’m sorry, Jamie.
Anna: But when you just stopped calling, I thought I’d done something wrong.
Anna: And that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.
Jamie: That’s not true at all!
Anna: I love you, Jamie.
Jamie: I love you too, cousin.
They hug
Jamie: Oh!
Jamie: Happy Birthday!
Anna: Thanks Jamie!
Jamie: I have news.
Anna: Yes?
Jamie: I’m moving back.
Anna: Really?!
Jamie: Yep!
Anna: Oh my gosh!
Anna: I’m so happy.
Anna: I’ve missed you so much!
Jamie: I missed you too.
Anna: I came out to my dad.
Jamie: I’m so proud of you!
Anna: Thanks.
Jamie: How’d he take it?
Anna: Better than my foster mom did…
Jamie: That’s good.
Jamie: But how did your foster mom react?
Anna: Very badly.
Anna: She disowned me.
Jamie: That’s really harsh!
Anna: Yeah…
Anna: I’m still not completely over it…
Jamie; You shouldn’t be,
Anna: The only time I even see her is when she has my brother.
Jamie: I’m sorry.
Anna: It’s not your fault, Jae.
Anna: I just don’t have the courage to face her one-on-one.
Jamie: It’s okay.
Anna: Thank you…
Jamie: Now let’s have fun!
Anna: Okay!



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  • Version 1
  • Version 2

0 voters

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Version one seems kinda rushed and I find it kinda weird that she would keep a recording of that

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She kept it to show her father. She got adopted before she got the courage to.

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Unless you explain that or show it before hand it just seems strange to plop it in the middle of the conversation. And it seems weird to have trusted him/her so much and have them go dead silent, to just unload that all at once. In my opinion

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Kk. Thanks for the advice.

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Depends on the mood you’d like to convey imo. Version 1 sounds more angry, like cue dramatic music “Where were you when I needed you!? Do you know what I went through, when you left me on my own!?”

Version 2 is more like “I’m so glad you’re back! I can’t wait to talk every day, just like before!”

It would depend on how you think Anna would react to the situation, and whether you want to make a moment of conflict or a happy reunion. :+1:


Happy. Jamie was Anna’s only companion for most of her early childhood.

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Then my vote has been cast. :slight_smile:

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version 1

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Everyone who voted, all 21 of you, what made you choose the version you did?

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