VOTE: Which Version Of This Scene Is Better?

I need advice! Which version is better?

V1:
Jamie walks up
Jamie: Hi Anna.
Anna is shocked
Anna: Jamie!
Jamie: Hi cousin.
Anna looks at Jamie
Anna: So…
Anna: When did this happen?
Jamie: A year or two ago.
Anna: Well…
Anna: I’m happy for you.
Jamie: Thank you.
Anna: However…
Jamie: However?
Anna: It kinda upsets me that you didn’t tell me as soon as it happened.
Jamie: It was hard for me, Anna. I’m sorry.
Anna: You were the first person I trusted when I came out of the closet.
Anna: We were always so close, Jamie.
Anna: I always thought we’d stay that way.
Jamie: It’s not the same, Anna.
Jamie: It’s one thing to come out.
Jamie: Another to change your gender.
Anna: You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard my foster mom’s reaction.
Anna: She disowned me.
Anna: You don’t know how hard it was for me when you stopped calling everyday.
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Jamie: But, can you imagine what I’m going through?
Jamie: Everyone looks at me like I’m infected.
Anna: Jamie…
Anna: Victoria abused me.
Anna: Talking to you made me feel…
Anna: Like I was worth something.
Jamie: Ann…
Jamie: I’m really sorry.
Jamie: I just thought you would understand.
Jamie: I get bullied.
Jamie: And my parents don’t understand.
Jamie: I was scared…
Jamie: I needed time.
Anna: I do understand.
Anna: I just…
Anna: I missed you.
Anna: I thought you stopped calling because I did something wrong.
Jamie: Of course not!
Anna: Listen to just some of what I put up with…
Anna presses her finger on the recording
Victoria: You’re so fat! No boy will ever love you!
Anna: My cousin Jamie loves me.
Victoria: Then why hasn’t he called you in two months?
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Jamie: I just needed to get away.
Anna: I forgive you.
Anna: But there’s one other thing you should know.
Anna hands a newspaper to Jamie
Anna: Read.
Jamie reads it then looks back at Anna in shock
Jamie: Why didn’t you tell me?
Anna: I was ashamed.
Anna: I felt weak.
Jamie: I’m sorry, Anna.
Anna: Just…
Anna: Just promise me when can start talking everyday like we used to.
Jamie: I promise.
V2:
Jamie walks up
Anna: Jamie!
Jamie: Hi Anna.
Anna: I missed you!
Jamie: I’ve missed you too,
Anna looks at Jamie
Anna: So…
Anna: When did this happen?
Jamie: Not that long ago…
Anna: Oh…
Anna: I’m happy for you.
Jamie: What’s wrong, Ann?
Anna: Why didn’t you tell me?
Jamie: …
Anna: You can’t even tell me…
Jamie: I’m really sorry.
Jamie: I just thought you would understand.
Jamie: I get bullied.
Jamie: And my parents don’t understand.
Jamie: I was scared…
Jamie: I needed time.
Anna: I do.
Anna: It’s just…
Anna: I’ve always felt I could trust you with anything.
Anna: And it kinda hurts realizing you don’t feel the same way.
Anna: We were always so close.
Jamie: I do feel the same way.
Jamie: But I needed time to figure everything out.
Jamie: It’s hard walking around while everyone’s looking at you like your some type of disease.
Anna: I’m sorry, Jamie.
Anna: But when you just stopped calling, I thought I’d done something wrong.
Anna: And that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.
Jamie: That’s not true at all!
Anna: I love you, Jamie.
Jamie: I love you too, cousin.
They hug
Jamie: Oh!
Jamie: Happy Birthday!
Anna: Thanks Jamie!
Jamie: I have news.
Anna: Yes?
Jamie: I’m moving back.
Anna: Really?!
Jamie: Yep!
Anna: Oh my gosh!
Anna: I’m so happy.
Anna: I’ve missed you so much!
Jamie: I missed you too.
Anna: I came out to my dad.
Jamie: I’m so proud of you!
Anna: Thanks.
Jamie: How’d he take it?
Anna: Better than my foster mom did…
Jamie: That’s good.
Jamie: But how did your foster mom react?
Anna: Very badly.
Anna: She disowned me.
Jamie: That’s really harsh!
Anna: Yeah…
Anna: I’m still not completely over it…
Jamie; You shouldn’t be,
Anna: The only time I even see her is when she has my brother.
Jamie: I’m sorry.
Anna: It’s not your fault, Jae.
Anna: I just don’t have the courage to face her one-on-one.
Jamie: It’s okay.
Anna: Thank you…
Jamie: Now let’s have fun!
Anna: Okay!

Tags

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1 Like
  • Version 1
  • Version 2

0 voters

1 Like

Version one seems kinda rushed and I find it kinda weird that she would keep a recording of that

1 Like

She kept it to show her father. She got adopted before she got the courage to.

1 Like

Unless you explain that or show it before hand it just seems strange to plop it in the middle of the conversation. And it seems weird to have trusted him/her so much and have them go dead silent, to just unload that all at once. In my opinion

1 Like

Kk. Thanks for the advice.

1 Like

Depends on the mood you’d like to convey imo. Version 1 sounds more angry, like cue dramatic music “Where were you when I needed you!? Do you know what I went through, when you left me on my own!?”

Version 2 is more like “I’m so glad you’re back! I can’t wait to talk every day, just like before!”

It would depend on how you think Anna would react to the situation, and whether you want to make a moment of conflict or a happy reunion. :+1:

2 Likes

Happy. Jamie was Anna’s only companion for most of her early childhood.

1 Like

Then my vote has been cast. :slight_smile:

1 Like

version 1

1 Like

Everyone who voted, all 21 of you, what made you choose the version you did?

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