Well, Since Nobody Asked . . . (Love Life Rant)

Okay, so I finished two stories yesterday. “Us” (the brilliant horror movie by Jordan Peele) and “Love Life” (the sloppy, precocious, poorly written Episode story). Between the two, Love Life was scarier.

Oh yeah, there will be spoilers in case any of you care about that sort of thing (not that I’m encouraging you to read it for yourself).

For real, the ONLY reason I read it was because I was so f**king scared that my clone was going to kill me in my sleep (I slept with a crucifix, a Bible, and a fire poker thingie, lol), but this story killed me softly.

Right off the bat, we’re barely 50 lines into the story and there’s already a gem choice. A couple lines later, another gem choice. Nearly every choice is a gem choice in this story. I get that Episode has to make bank somehow, but this is ridiculous. Y’all have to give us SOME reciprocity. I wouldn’t have even minded that 9/10 of the choices were gem choices if they were at least affordable gem choices. All the gem choices were NO LESS than 20 gems! It got to the point where I could anticipate a paid choice and would begin mindlessly tapping my screen until it was over. And on top of that, the story was brief and boring without them.

On top of that, nobody acts like actual people in this damn story. Everyone acts like robot aliens who get attached far too quickly. Like seriously, the blond guy (sorry, they were all carbon copies of each other, I honestly can’t remember their names) said he was in love with me and I kept telling him I didn’t like him, but he kept popping up with his fugly caveman eyebrows. Also, the guy I worked with was a jerk, I NEVER liked him, but yet at the wedding, he said he was in love with me, too. Gatsby was cute, and I did flirt with him a little, but I always said I liked Noah (who I barely got to see throughout the story, and it pissed me off).

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s go down the list real quick:

1.) I hated my boring-ass self.
I had no personality, everything I did was boring as hell. (And I didn’t spend one cent on the gem choices, so kiss my ass, “Love Life.”) That’s such bad writing when the crux of the story has to do with how much money your reader spends.

2.) Every character got on my nerves. They were all contrived and overdone.
Why do you think I can’t remember any of their names? Maybe it was me reading it at 3 am (so that my clone wouldn’t come and kill me)? I couldn’t remember a damn thing about them other than basic stuff. Like . . . girl with pink hair . . . dumb girl . . . hot guy with pretty eyes . . . blond guy with cave man eyebrows . . . guy who low key looks like Steve Urkel . . . girl boss . . . douchebag guy boss. They are all the same character, just with different masks on! You’re not fooling me alien-robot race of people! You won’t get the best of me or my gems!

3.) Love Life is the corniest magazine ever (no wonder it got cancelled) and yet the perfect metaphor for Episode).
Why the hell did I even try to work there? The girl boss (whatever his name was) is a real a–hole and very out of touch. An old, rich woman trying to tell the story of young women of color. HMM . . . doesn’t that sound familiar?

4.) I don’t KNOW anyone I’m supposed to be really close with.
Every chance we get to know them better is (say it with me) A PAID CHOICE.

5.) Again, people don’t act like people in this damn story.
Why would the blond guy’s girlfriend release a sex tape of herself? Was there no security next to the “stage?” Why was the guy boss able to rip the mic from my hands? Why would those people let me into their house after having one drink with me? For all they know I’m Jeffery Dahmer reincarnated. Also, how do you just walk in and say you’re cutting a magazine? Isn’t there a process, a conference, a vote with the board of execs? You can’t just walk in and cancel something. If it was THAT insignificant, it should have been canceled a long time ago.

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i was kind of in love with sydney or whatever her name was but other than that the story was a yikes, to put it nicely, the story was just boring, also. all that happened was the magazine stuff with our love interests, that weren’t too different from each other. i just felt like everyone was the same, in a weird way.

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The guy options were just so YUCK! I was infuriated, they were all such massive pr**ks. Other than Gatsby, he was a sweet.

But I’ll give it this, it makes a good distraction when you’re waiting for your evil clone to come kill you.

ya, gatsby was my choice at the end. and hey, thanks for the advice, i’ll for sure use it in the future! :joy:

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You made some good points.

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So… did you end up having nightmares last night where this alien-robot race of people took over your life?

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I was sad that I was unable to end up with Zoe at the end. I was far more interested in her story, tbh. But like…I am glad that she got with Syd. I don’t even remember who I ended up with XDDDDDDDDDDD

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They should rename their app, instead of sayin "Episode Choose your story " they should say “Episode choose your story if you’ve got gems” because like you said, literally every choice is a gem choice :woman_facepalming:t4:

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I didn’t sleep, lol.

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Or, “Episode: Choose Your Story (to Make You Go Broke).”

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