What do you think about my teaser for my new story

So my story is called “Perfect” and this is the teaser

Mercedes, or Mercy to her close friends, Hill has everything every girl wishes for fame, close friends and great parents…or does she? Maybe she’s not as perfect as everyone thinks

Can you guys give me feedback? It would be great

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I feel like the ‘Mercy to her close friends’ part is unnecessary, but other than that, I like it- it’s intriguing!

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ok thaks!

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Moved to the Share Feedback section as that’s where story pitches live! Carry on :v:t2:

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Grammar error take out “Hill”

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Hill is her last name

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Huh I thought it was Mercedes

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Mercedes is her first name

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Ohhhhh

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Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile: