Who's up for a review for review?

Hey guys! So I’m working on a story and I’d like it to be reviewed a couple times before I publish it. Just send me the link to your story and I’ll review it for you! Please feel free to criticize me, tell me about every small error you find, or if you find something wrong I said e.g spelling/grammar errors, wrong info, maybe I said something offensive without knowing it, if a scene was a bit cringey, etc. be 100% honest. Thanks <3

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Hey I’m up for reviewing my story is not published yet either I’ll send you the link and review yours

Are you still up for review for review? I do super long and detailed reviews which sound like something you might be looking for and also have an unpublished story that I would like people to look over.

Yes I am. But I’m working on a different story now. I’m not finished with the first episode yet I might be finished by the end of the day or tomorrow. I’ll let you know when I finish

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hello…?:face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Hey I am up for a R4R if you are still doing it

Hey sorry I got busy. Here’s your review

First of all, in the customization part

IMG_2383.png

I think it’s best if you add the @speechbubble reset command.

When the author appears and says “Now Nick Make him hot!” it’s best if you use a talking animation and put them in different speech bubbles so for example

AUTHOR (talk_happy_smile)

Now, you get to customize Nick.

AUTHOR (flirt_wink)

Make him hot!

Oh and also, I suggest using a different background of your own to add a theme to the story.

When we customize Nick, we can’t see half of his face because he’s wearing glasses.

In the first scene where they’re in the hospital, the part where the doctor just appears out of nowhere needs to be fixed. And when the mother is thinking stuff like “And there’s nothing that I can do about it.” Add her name at the top of the speechbubble.

When Matteo Moretti says “You’re going to get through this son you have to strong little boy”

It’s best if you say “You are a strong boy. You’re going to get through this.”

And it’s better if the display name says only the first name of the character not the full name, and you don’t need to tell the reader that the flashback ends.

After the flashback, when you add the @reset hsl command, instead use this:

@reset hsl in 0

When Samantha’s mom says “So are you excited to go back to school” end it with a question mark. And when Samantha says “Why would I be excited going back to hell.” Use something like “Why would I be excited to go back to hell, Mom?”

“Hi, I’m Samantha as you see I still get rides from my mom even though I have my license just don’t have a car if my own yet.” Try using something like this

NARR (SAMANTHA)

Hi. My name is Samantha.

Although I have my own license, I still get rides from my mother.

You see, I don’t have my own car yet.

I still don’t think that makes sense. If she has a license she can just borrow her moms car.

IMG_2401.png

In this part, you can put the zoom on the mom and say:

“My mother can be really strict at times.”

“But she’s still a loving and caring woman.”

Overall, I just think your directing needs a little bit of work, and the grammar and punctuation. Other than that, I think the plot is great.

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Oh okay than you so much I will definitely do what you says, yeah well i might change the license part

Thanks is their anything else i need to change I appreciate your honesty

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