Why do we always want what we don’t have beauty-wise? 🤨

Hi, I don’t usually post much, but there’s one thing that I have noticed; people always want what they haven’t got in terms of appearance.

I’ll start with how we think of ourselves:
In my opinion, I look basic. I have blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin. I always love drawing characters who look different from me, most of my MCs are people of colour; I find people of different ethnicities to me, to be absolutely beautiful. I don’t think it is how I was raised, I never watched the princess and the frog,Milan or Pocahontas, I had generic ass barbies. Where I live is mostly white people- as awful as that is. I looked through my old yearbook of my infant school - and out of around 60 pupils, 2 were of black descent. 2 were of Asian descent. The rest of us had blonde, ginger or brown hair, and pale-ish skin. Now I find that awful.

But then, if I move onto my next point:
If I am being racist or anything else, please forgive me, I am only trying to prove a point. I genuinely find people of different races to me, more different to specify. I wish this didn’t happen, but when I went to Shanghai, a couple of years ago, I would say most of the people there looked incredibly similar, but they don’t. They all look different. I think that back where I live, everyone looks different. Do they think the same about me? Am I just some white girl that looks all the same as the others? If I grew up there, I’m sure I would think that they all looked completely different, but I can only say that for myself.

Thirdly; what I don’t have, that others do and I crave:

  • Dark coloured eyes, to me, brown eyes are gorgeous, genuinely the prettiest eyes there are. If I see someone with brown eyes, I feel inclined to compliment them- they are beautiful.

  • Why is the beauty industry a mix of different types of people, yet some are considered more beautiful than others. Stereotypical examples of what the beauty industry want:
    Tanned/ brown skin, straight hair, plump lips, smooth jawlines, curves, dark eyes, tall. To name a few.

  • Hair- I’m sure this goes for many many people. I have pin straight hair. Every night, I plait it, twirl it or tie it , so that my hair might stand a chance at being at best - wavy. So many people with different hair textures to me, try to straighten it, in order to have straight hair. SO WHY DO WE WANT WHAT WE DON’T HAVE?

We should all love ourselves, whether we are skinny, curvy, just-right, with straight hair, wavy hair, frizzy hair, curly hair, twirly hair, brown eyed, green eyed, blue eyed, pale, tanned, brown, black, white, blue, whether you have a big freckle on your face or a mole on your arm, a birthmark or a scar. We should embrace our individuality.

Thank you for reading all of this, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as well, and please tell me if I have said anything morally wrong. :blue_heart:


I don’t know where you are getting this info from, but lots of people are actually treated terribly for having darker skin.


Tbh it’s kinda weird how non POC want darker skin but not the problems that come with it :sob:
I get what you’re saying but being an actual black person our skin is only seen as “beauty” when it’s a white person trying to tan themselves to be darker same with our features…


What I mean is that the beauty industry doesn’t want people who are black/brown and also don’t want people who are really pale/white. They want people who are a “perfect medium” so that they don’t get the hate that goes to people of darker colours


Most of the beauty industry is full of white people?
Mainly the modeling business


I’ve taken a few psychology courses, and this is defined as the “cross-race effect.” Or at least that’s what I learned it as. From what I understand, it has to do with the diversity you’re accustomed to within your own race. For White People, that’s a wider variety of eye and hair color; For Black People, that’s a larger variety of skin tones, hair types, hair colors, etc; For Asian People, that’s a larger variety of eye shapes, face shapes, skin tones, etc. These differences are usually used by each specific race to distinguish themselves and their families apart from other people that may look like them… especially if you live in an area where everyone is the same race as you. Plus, you’re constantly looking at your face in the mirror; it’s only natural to be more perceptive of people of the same race. So, it’s not really based out of r*cism, if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t comment on the wanting darker skin, as it’s not my place. I’ll let the BIPOC community handle that.

However, the main culprit for wanting to look like someone other than yourself is usually due to self hatred and a lack of connection to your history. You are constantly looking at beauty standards that you will never be able to reach. Most of the current beauty standards are looking for the features of Black People on the bodies of White People; it’s unrealistic and harmful to all races and genders. What I did to stop the cycle is connecting back to where my bloodline came from. I’m mainly Polish, Czech, and Slovakian… and my face fits the many strong and beautiful people of those countries.

So, work on focusing on what you do have. Where are you actually from? What do those people look like? What’s their history? etc. Those questions can open so many doors that lead to self love, breaking ancestral patterns (which is extremely important if you are white), and embracing the features you were given. I’ve always hated how large my nose is, how round my face is, and how fair my skin was: I now love all of those features. Connecting, educating, and focusing on yourself rather than others is what’s best for this. You’ll find a space where you’re welcome, where you belong, and where your features are valued (valued in a way that is equal to all features… non of that Aryan BS).

Those are just my tips… because a lot of the issues White Women (or just White People in general) face in terms of wanting to look more racially ambiguous stems from jealousy, white guilt, wanting to fit in with the rich culture BIPOC have maintained and built for themselves, and a lack of knowledge of their ancestors. I can’t remember the name of the creator, but I saw a Black Woman speak so eloquently about this and it just made everything click. If I find her video I’ll link it here…

Buuuut yea! Hope this helps.


I understand what you’re coming from. I’m Latina and I’ve always had some friends tell that ''I’m too pale for a Latina" I never really cared about my skin color until I had them pointing it out. This got me feeling insecure about myself. I wanted to look more Latina by self tanning but now I don’t care what others have to say lol. This was back in middle school days so ignorant comments like that don’t faze me. Now I had another experience with one of my family members that I will never forget. She was about 8-10 years old at the time. One day I was applying lotion on my arms in my room. She happens to be right next to me watching me apply the lotion. Then she suddenly asked if she applies the lotion I was using she can be white as me (she’s black). I was shocked to hear that coming from a young girl who I envied her beautiful dark skin and spiral curls growing up. I just stared and said “You are beautiful just the way you are.” Bottom line is I guess we are never truly satisfied with ourselves until we learn to love ourselves.🤷


I find darker skin on native dark people/african americans so beautiful (I hate tans)


Latinas can be any skin color etc. It’s not a race!


Yes, I agree! All skintones are beautiful :heart:


That’s definitely true!! Everyone has their own beauty :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:!! They are unique from eachother and different :sweat_smile: It’s just the community who is being discriminative !! Well people think that Indians are Bad in appearance and all, because they are black :sweat_smile: idk why but there are many people who are whiter than them in India :relieved:!! And about your hair!! In my opinion I adore straight hair!! I also have straight hair!! And I hope everyone Stop discriminating others :relaxed:


Understood. But back then I didn’t know any better.


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