Winter’s Review Request Thread :blob_hearts:

yeah, that’s fine (tag me in the posts)! i’ll get started! :smile:

| WARNING | :warning:

this review is not meant to offend anybody in any way and is meant to help the author improve.

@misskat97

story title: ganglands

directing: 5/10

  • at one point, Adeline completely switched position.
  • Adam walked off the scene and when it panned to the next scene, he was completely disappeared.
  • characters popped up out of nowhere at times.
  • Adam and Ava completely swapped sides to hug each other and then switched back after the hug, which was a bit weird.
  • the end bits where u talk, u walk on like ur flying because they’re no floor there and the episode2 ending was kinda weird with the little girl and her dad.

grammar: 8/10

  • some of the speech/narration was too long.
  • a few missing punctuation marks.

plot: 5/10

  • i was a bit confused…

characters: 2/5

  • they were all good, i was confused about their relationship to each other though.

choices: 2/5

  • there was only choices for hair & makeup which were really irrelevant to the story as far as i know.

total: 22/40
with some directing improve the and character & plot development and explanation, i think the story could be really good!

Winter x

Do you think I should stop what I’m doing right now while it’s still early and revamp Ganglands? To make it stronger and less confusing?

i would say, yes, it will make it easier for future readers and current readers to re-read.

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Alright. I have to tell my readers. Thank you so much!

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no problem, good luck!

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You wouldn’t be interested in helping me, would you? Now I feel like Ganglands isn’t what I thought (NOT offended, just discouraged is all)

i’ll dm u :two_hearts:

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bump!

Title: AW: UnderWater
Author name: :heart:kendycrush​:heart:
Genre: comedy
Style: LL
Read my stories and proof: I will soon!!
Cover: Small cover


Large cover:
Description:
Year: 3019
Humans and land animals have always lived in the sea, but do you know that the fishes and sea animals live on the land?
CC 1LOVEINTEREST LL
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4931141162565632

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great, i’ll get started now! (:

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| WARNING | :warning:

this review is not meant to offend anybody in any way and is meant to help the author improve.

@epi.kendy
story title: AW: underwater

directing: 6/10
  • i liked the moving waves at the start, it was really cool how u did that. however it was kind of unnecessary because it was just there and then it moved to the title screen, i felt like it was just to show u could do it or something idk but if you added the title there or warning themes there, it would make it better.
  • i liked that u got to choose ur gender and sexuality.
  • when Miranda wakes the MC up, it’s kind of weird placing because she gets up from her bed and is full height up front.
  • i liked all the uses of tappable overlays, really good.
  • when it flashes back to why MC was sleeping, it was a bit weird with the spot placements. i was also a bit confused as to whether they’d jumped back in time to view it or if it was a flashback, maybe add a filter or readerMessage or something.
  • some of the animations I’m guessing u put in weren’t playing out but i think that may just be a glitch because I’ve seen it in another Limelight story i read.
  • the layering in when Miranda and MC go to see who’s playing the guitar is messed up a little bit. i would place MC and Miranda behind the guitar, instead of in front.
  • it jumped to a scene where Miranda was like floating (I’m guessing swimming though?) and the layers were messed up. maybe i missed something but idk why/how it jumped to that scene.
  • i thought the scene with the “ epichat “ filters was funny but when Miranda went to take a picture of Dicky with a filter on, the phone hand was in the middle of the screen and Miranda was standing next to Dicky, so who was taking the picture?
  • Kay is spotted at a good size but when MC is standing there, she looks huge and he looks tiny so i think their sizes should be changed.
  • i also recommend using speechbubble placement.
  • when Rick doesn’t have his glasses on, MC and LI are in spots right next to the piano, hugging or something?, but then when he puts his glasses on they’re in completely different positions upfront. [also this isn’t really a directing error, just a logic error lol, after he puts his glasses on, his character isn’t actually wearing glasses unless i missed it.
  • Rick sort of jumps to the back of the room when he says he finds the CD’s, and then so does Kay. also, i think it would help to just add a pile of CD’s, it’s not necessary but i think it would look good!
  • when Kay is asking MC what her choice for the vacation is, some other random character which i’m guessing is the female LI is on screen and Kay is standing right on top of MC.
  • then when MC and LI are kissing, MC isn’t actually kissing him, she’s kissing thin air because she’s facing the wrong way until it zooms in and she then faces the right way.
  • when they’re sleeping in the bed, MC is weirdly under Kay.
  • u need to reset the zoom if ur cutting to a different zone because when Miranda speaks u just see Kay’s feet at the end of the bed.
  • the screen went completely black after that scene, i tried re-opening and closing the app and the story but nothing worked, i think it may be a glitch but not from my end, i dont think because other stories are working fine.
grammar: 7/10
plot: 7/10
  • _it was never actually explained how they’re underwater, because they’re still human i thought?
  • the flashback to why MC was sleeping was kinda unnecessary and weird too.
  • it was kind of weird for MC and the Kay to wink at each other at the same time in the middle of that conversation.
  • it was odd for Kay to break down in the middle like that, but i guess i can understand it.
characters: 3/5
  • the characters were cute and funny, all with their differing personalities.
  • i think the relationship developments could be worked on because they barely know each other and yet MC and Kay are kissing and are invited on holiday together by episode3.
choices: 4/5
  • some of the choices cracked me up! :joy:

total: 28/40
although some of the directing is really advanced, some is not so i think with the directing, plot explanation and character/relationship development improvement, the story will be really good!

winter x

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story title: AW:Imprinted
author name: Mellisa2731
story genre: Romance/Fantasy
story style: Ink
story description: In a world were Vampires and Werewolves are in an eternal war, But they have a mutual enemy, The witches. What happens when a wolf imprint’s on one?
story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6475926547529728
have you read my story & sent me proof? : Will do it in an hr or so!

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thank u, i’ll get started!

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| WARNING | :warning:

this review is not meant to offend anybody in any way and is meant to help the author improve.

@Mellisa2731
story title: AW: imprinted

directing: 7/10
  • i recommend using speechbubble placement.
  • Lisa repeated “see you in hell” which was a bit weird.
  • they’re quite big for the background.
  • _it was cool how smooth u switched to the Jason being half-invisible.
  • Lisa is still doing the hugging animation once Lily has stopped.
  • one of the characters is standing on the table which looks weird.
  • they’re standing in weird places.
  • i recommend using branching to help remember choices like chosen lipstick/hair.
    the magic directing was really cool!
grammar: 7/10
plot: 9/10
  • i thought the whole plot was really cool and I’ve never seen it done before!
characters: 4/5
  • i like all the characters and their personalities.
choices: 2/5
  • there were only hair/makeup choices.

total: 29/40
i really enjoyed the story, maybe work on the grammar and a bit on the directing and it’ll be amazing!

winter x

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Oof I know, it was so hard for me to write that story… But thank you!!

I have a question: Did u reached the end of chapter 3?

ur welcome!
and i’m not sure because the screen went completely black and nothing would play.

Oh my god! Thank you so much! If you could spread the word I would be greatfull!

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no problem! x

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Could I have your instagram?
Never mind just found it!