Hey there! I read the first episode of your story so far:
Here’s some advice I will offer to you!
- The cover art is beautiful, but I would like to see the title written somewhere on the cover so it seems more “official” in a sense
- When we are given the option to cc, I highly recommend that you zoom on their faces so we are able to see the details more clearly! This may seem like a minor thing, but I promise you, it is a small detail that I look for in stories!
- Also: I would recommend the vampire fangs overlay to be made a bit bigger, as I did have a little trouble finding and pressing on it to begin the story
- In the introduction: the man that you have displayed seems to be randomized as his features do not match up with his portrayed race. For example: he is obviously Black, and yet his eye color is bright blue and his eyebrows are a light brown that does not match whatsoever. The lip color is also very off-putting and does not match his skin color as well. I would honestly advise you to correct these small changes as they can be seen as offensive to people and to be frank, show a lack of detail and effort
- When you put a curse word in a story, also be sure to censor it! When Akeira says b#stard or r#pist, make sure you put a # to censor the word so you don’t risk episode taking down your story
Now for the plot:
- The plot was honestly a bit confusing to follow along with in the first episode as I didn’t really get a ‘feel’ for what the story was going to be about
- Okay: so first they were at school, then she was in class sleeping, reminiscing a memory of her mom, and then suddenly she is getting ready for a party, leaves to the party, feeds, and meets the li?
- It just seemed kind of jumpy to me and I recommend that you add some more narration to carry along the plot and make it smoother
- The episode was also quite short, and it is understandable as it is only the first episode, however I feel if you added some more details, it could be much longer and feel less ‘jumpy’
Now onto the things I enjoyed:
- the plot and premise of the story is very unique and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it on episode before so it should be exciting to read more!
- I also enjoyed that you added the option of a bonus scene at the end, but please be aware that 22 gems is A LOT! I would recommend that you instead charge 5 or 8 gems for the bonus scenes as that is what the majority of authors seem to do
- and finally, as a final word: I want to congratulate you for publishing on episode, and I sincerely wish you the all the best for your story going forward!