I ended up reading all 4 chapters of this actually so this review will be based off of everything that’s published so far.
Starting off with the first scene, right away I’m a bit confused. I assume later on in the story, what’s happening in this first scene will make more sense, but for someone reading it for the first time, I think it can be a bit off-putting. There’s obviously some lore associated with your story, which is great, but you want to try to make sure you ease readers into it so they don’t feel like they’re being thrown in the deep end.
The scenes with Leslie, focusing on her life are great. I have a good understanding of what’s going on and don’t feel like there’s anything I’m missing out on. However the scenes with Arion often leave me with more questions than answers. I understand that he’s from some kind of magical other world and that’s he’s the prince, but I don’t entirely get what makes his world so different from Leslie’s, other than the fact that there’s royalty and some vague form of magic. I know it can be hard to work in lore explanations without it coming off as heavy handed, but it’s important that readers understand the world they’re reading about.
Just having good grammar sets your story up to be a cut above the rest. It not only shows that you’re articulate, but also that you have taken the time to make sure you didn’t make any typos or spelling mistakes. I don’t remember seeing any grammar mistakes throughout your story, so you’re doing good!
The plot in general has obviously intrigued me, considering I read all of the available chapters! I’m invested in Leslie’s life, and I’m interested to see how she and Arion will interact. I’m always a sucker for a bit of forbidden love (so long as it isn’t good girl in love with the bad boy ), so this seems to be right down my alley.
These reviews aren’t supposed to focus on directing, but I did notice that you seemed to have a good grasp on how to make a story visually interesting. If there were any directing errors, I can’t remember seeing them.
Overall I think you have a really good story on your hands, and with a little bit of tweaking it could be awesome! I’ll definitely read anymore episodes you publish.