Writing and Plot Related Reviews


#1

I’m always looking for different user stories to read, and I figure I may as well be helpful while I’m at it so if anyone would like me to do a review of their story I’d be up to it. I’m decently knowledgeable about directing, but my strong suit is writing and plot development so any reviews I do will be focused on that. I plan to be honest, but it’ll be constructive criticism, and of course I’ll point out the stuff I like about it. Generally I’ll just do the review over what I see in the first episode, but if you think I won’t be able to give an accurate review without reading 2 or 3 episodes, let me know and I’ll make an exception. Please fill out the form below if you’re interested.

Story Title:
Author:
Story Link:

Thanks!


#2

Hey there!
Whatever feedback you have for me, I will be happy to take on board :slight_smile:

Story Title: Cryptic Killer
Author: Mia T.
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5845486620770304

Thanks x


#3

Hey there, @Madeline_B! Thank you for creating this thread! I’d love a review of my story! Here are my story details:

Story Title: Silhouettes
Author: aprilish
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6116658762874880

[And some extra details in case you want:
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Blurb: Arion’s ready to risk it all to make her dreams come true. Leslie sees him every day, yet fails to recognize who he really is. Watch them fall in love…without ever meeting each other.]

Looking forward to your honest critique!

Thank you so much! :revolving_hearts:


#4

So to start from the beginning, the first scene gives off a creepy and haunting vibe that sets the tone for the rest of the story, considering it’s a serial killer mystery, it’s fitting. After the first scene, I assume it’s a jump back in time. I would suggest putting some text like “one week ago” or whatever to make it clear that the two scenes aren’t consecutive. This will also instill a sense of dread in readers throughout the story because they know what they saw in the beginning is coming.

I will say that I would like to see some more introduction in the first chapter. The start of stories need to establish characters and setting well to get readers prepared for the story. At the end of the first episode, I didn’t feel like I knew what kind of person Savannah was. Is she someone who’s hardworking and dedicated to her job, or was she irresponsible and that was what got her suspended? What I got from it was that Savannah was a bit reckless and she kind of deserved to get suspended. If that’s what you were going for, and the rest of the story is her learning and redeeming herself, then that’s perfect. If you were trying to have it seem like Savannah was unfairly treated, then it fell it bit short for me,

In terms of errors, there were a few grammatical ones that closely reading over your script should solve. Make sure you pay close attention to what form of your/you’re you use. There seemed to be some directing errors too, I think caused by zooming that wasn’t executed quite right.

I do feel like the character design is a little off in some cases. The cops with the hats don’t really fit and kind of looks a little bit silly. Savannah’s eye color, while pretty, is unnatural and takes away from the realistic setting of the story. The more realistic the story feels, the more scary and off-putting it will be to readers when it’s a murder mystery.

At the end of the episode I do find myself wondering what’s going to happen next, which means you were successful in creating suspense, so good job! I hope at least some of what I said was helpful, and I didn’t come off as too critical or anything. Either way, keep writing!


#5

Thank you so much, I will make sure to take your tips on board😁


#6

Hey @Madeline_B. Thank you for this! :heart:

TITLE: Soccer Moms: Blast to the Future
AUTHOR: Winter05 with Episode Royalty
LINK:


INSTAGRAM: @winter05.episode

I hope you enjoy my story. :blush:

~ Winter :snowflake:


#7

I do need feedbacks from different reviewers and I hope you review mine. Here it is.
Title: Puppy Love
Author: Lou
Link: https://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/i/5630801559027712

I hope you like it! :blush:


#8

Hi, @Madeline!

I remember commenting on you other thread, but I thought I’d still drop my comment here. If you could review my story I would very much appreciate it! Thanks in advance!

My story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6548486212681728
Instagram: @episode.alex.af


#9

I ended up reading all 4 chapters of this actually so this review will be based off of everything that’s published so far.

Starting off with the first scene, right away I’m a bit confused. I assume later on in the story, what’s happening in this first scene will make more sense, but for someone reading it for the first time, I think it can be a bit off-putting. There’s obviously some lore associated with your story, which is great, but you want to try to make sure you ease readers into it so they don’t feel like they’re being thrown in the deep end.

The scenes with Leslie, focusing on her life are great. I have a good understanding of what’s going on and don’t feel like there’s anything I’m missing out on. However the scenes with Arion often leave me with more questions than answers. I understand that he’s from some kind of magical other world and that’s he’s the prince, but I don’t entirely get what makes his world so different from Leslie’s, other than the fact that there’s royalty and some vague form of magic. I know it can be hard to work in lore explanations without it coming off as heavy handed, but it’s important that readers understand the world they’re reading about.

Just having good grammar sets your story up to be a cut above the rest. It not only shows that you’re articulate, but also that you have taken the time to make sure you didn’t make any typos or spelling mistakes. I don’t remember seeing any grammar mistakes throughout your story, so you’re doing good!

The plot in general has obviously intrigued me, considering I read all of the available chapters! I’m invested in Leslie’s life, and I’m interested to see how she and Arion will interact. I’m always a sucker for a bit of forbidden love (so long as it isn’t good girl in love with the bad boy :roll_eyes:), so this seems to be right down my alley.

These reviews aren’t supposed to focus on directing, but I did notice that you seemed to have a good grasp on how to make a story visually interesting. If there were any directing errors, I can’t remember seeing them.

Overall I think you have a really good story on your hands, and with a little bit of tweaking it could be awesome! I’ll definitely read anymore episodes you publish.


#10

The story starts off at Alyson’s high school graduation which is fine, but the rest of the story focuses on Alyson’s soccer team and her big game. I find myself a bit confused about what team she’s on, because if it’s her high school’s soccer team, wouldn’t she no longer be on it after graduating? If it’s not her school’s team, then explaining what team it is would help readers to have better context.

I feel like the introductions were all a little bit rushed and I didn’t really get to know all the main characters well, or fully understand the setting. The episode wasn’t that long so there’s certainly room to add some more scenes to better set up the story. The more familiar the reader is with Alyson’s life before she’s taken to the future, the better the juxtaposition will be between the two timelines.

I don’t remember seeing grammatical errors in the actual story but I did notice some in the description for the second episode which will leave a bad impression on the reader before they even start the episode. Just make sure you proofread everything first before publishing.

I think you have a good base for a plot, but in order to pull it off you need to make sure you have the beginning fully fleshed out. Take the time to introduce all of your characters’ personalities and it will result in readers becoming more attached and more likely to keep reading. :slightly_smiling_face:


#11

Hey everyone!
I’d like to promote my story called Complicated: with Bad Boy and Ugly Duckling here.
Below you can find the information you need to try it out.

Author: Mona K
Story Title: Complicated: with Bad Boy and Ugly Duckling
Genre: Romance, Drama, Action, Comedy
Description: Cathyln is constantly picked on by her peers. Boys make fun of her and her “friends” make her do errands for them. Revenge her peers, betrayers and what if guy changes or not?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4830482803589120
Instagram: @monak.episode

Please make sure to follow me on Instagram to contact me or for sneak peeks of the story!
I’m up for read for reads as well, contact me on Instagram for that, please! :slight_smile: :two_hearts:


#12

Thank you very much! We will take all your points into consideration. :blush:
@Loversdelight


#13

Title: Break Down My Walls
Author: @moonlight123.episode
Genre: Drama
Style: Ink
Description: In a hopeless world, you never thought you can feel love. But when you join a rebel gang, you feel attracted to the leader. Will he break your walls or will you break down his? (theres a lot more to my story than the description :wink: )
Also most of the characters are introduced in episode 2 and 3 episode 1 only introduces my main character thank you for doing this!
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4509103137619968


#14

Dear Madeline,

Thank you so much for this thorough review! I’m so glad you liked my story enough to have read all four chapters!

I truly appreciate the constructive criticism. I hadn’t observed anything wrong with the first scene, but on your bringing it up, I see that I have really thrown the readers right in the middle of action. I’ll surely take up your advice on easing them in instead.

And yes, I completely see how the scenes with Arion can be confusing and unclear. The problem is, that there’s a huge epiphany right at the end, which reveals how Leslie and Arion have actually been interacting with each other all along. This ultimately explains the magical world Arion comes from and what type of magic they use there. So I’ve been pretty puzzled on how to keep readers hooked while taking them into Arion’s world, without giving away too much. However, I do understand that if I get too confusing or vague, readers will lose interest and eventually stop reading. So I’ll definitely work on making it more clear, hopefully without disclosing too much!

Anyhow, I can’t tell you how much your feedback means to me. I’ll take in all your advice to help polish my story up.

Thank you once again!

Have a wonderful day! :blush: :blue_heart:


#15

HI Medaline,
If you are still open for reviews, I would really appreciate some feedback on my story :slight_smile:
Story title: H & V: Lie to me
Author: Alexandra Mar
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6378501067505664
Thank you!


#16

Sorry I’ve been taking a little while with the rest of the reviews, I had a busy day today. I will get to all of them eventually though!


#17

This is a review thread, not a promotion thread. Please don’t just post the same thing in every thread you think will get you reads. I know you want to get reads on your story, but just copy and pasting the same thing across every thread can be annoying.


#18

Title: In the County
Author: Mimi B.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5184933012570112

I think my third episode is better than the first two to get the feel of it, but I really want an attention grabbing pilot episode.
Thanks!


#19

To start off, I’ll talk about the overall aesthetics. I think your use of the different dog overlays in the beginning was cute. The character designs were good and the backgrounds seemed to fit the scenes I think for the most part. The directing seemed to be average, but not any mistakes that I can remember so that’s good.

There’s consistently a lot of grammatical mistakes throughout, which is definitely going to turn a lot of potential readers away. Some of it makes sense when Alli is talking since she’s a dog and she probably wouldn’t have proper grammar, but Jason should. I’m not sure if English is maybe not your first language, in which case it would be understandable, but it’s best to try your best to make as few errors with grammar as possible.

Since I’ve only seen the first episode, I don’t have a full understanding of the plot but from what I’ve seen the idea is cute and original so props for that. However it is held back by the sometimes unnatural sounding dialogue that comes from the characters.

I think you’ve got a good general idea, but you need to work on your writing and grammar skills so that the story will really come across well to your readers.


#20

Hi Madeline,

I know that directing is not my strong point, so I would like to receive a review based on the writing. Here are my story details:

Story title: H & V: Challenge Accepted
Author: Annie Edison
Story link: https://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/i/4528160294699008

Thanks!

Edit: I forgot to mention that the first chapter is the MC’s background story and the other main characters only appear in the 2nd and 3rd episode. I don’t ask you to read them, but it would help to get the full picture on the plot.