Let’s start with the general premise. Since I’ve only seen the first episode I obviously don’t know the whole plot, but from what I know so far it seems pretty interesting. I can appreciate that it seems to be a story not driven entirely by romance, which is something that can be rare to see on Episode. I like that the main character (I named mine Lena ) has her own personal career ambitions.
The two choice paths is an interesting idea and it sounds like it could have an interesting outcome. However I do feel like having an obviously good and obviously bad track takes away from readers having to decide whether or not their decision is a good one. Having more morally gray options causes readers to have to really think and consider what they’re choosing.
There were a couple parts where the grammar was just a little bit off, but it wasn’t really that noticeable and you did say English wasn’t your first language so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Overall I’d say you’ve got a good concept and some great ideas. Keep working on it!
Thank you so much for the review. Yes, English isn’t my first language so I’m trying my best. About the first episodes, I admit it wasn’t that good because I litterally studied writing and coding there. But as the chapter progresses, I also improve. I hope you’ll continue reading my story. xoxo.
I agree that mostly morally grey area options are better, however, this time I made a decision to go for a more black-and-white version because the outcome of these seemingly understandable and direct decisions is what surprises the reader in the story’s finale. Thank you very much for your suggestion though, I am making my next story more morally questionable as I agree this is what makes the plot interesting. (and yes, even though romance is an essential part for a story to be successful on Episode it’s definitely not central to my stories, so it makes me very happy that some people appreciate that! )
I understand that English isn’t your first language, but the grammar is consistently so bad that it’s almost incoherent and you can’t even tell what’s going on in the story. It seems like you just used Google translate for all the translating which is not a reliable means. I would maybe recommend just making your story be in your native language for other people that speak that language. I know you’re more likely to get more readers on an English story, but with the grammar the way it is, it’s going to turn away most English speakers anyway.
I’ll admit, I’m not a big fan of “bad boy” stories. However I do think you mixed it up a little bit from the usual ones I see with the whole “ugly duckling” idea, so that’s nice. I’ve only seen the first episode but it seems like she might undergo some kind of makeover later on in the story, which I don’t really like because it promotes the idea that you have to be conventionally beautiful to be worth anything to anyone.
I can’t really accurately comment on the writing because it’s too hard to tell what you really mean to say in between the confusing grammar.
You did a lot of interesting things with directing, but they weren’t quite executed right. There were a lot of long awkward pauses and some of the zooms were just disconcerting. I’d work on getting a hang of the advanced stuff before you use it as much as you did.
I’m sorry if this review came off as too harsh, I don’t mean it to but I have to be honest. There is some potential there for those who like this kind of story, but not for me personally.
The opening is nice, I like the use of graphics and different imagery to convey what the narrator is explaining. The premise of your story is intriguing, and as someone who took AP World History and AP U.S. History classes, I appreciate your use of ideas like isolationism. The actual plot of the story (AKA Sofia’s life) is also interesting, and I found myself feeling angry about the way Sofia was being treated by her family. Evoking emotions in your readers is almost always the goal of authors, so you’re doing a pretty good job so far.
In terms of visuals, like I said earlier I liked the imagery at the beginning, and I think the character designs are all nice. I liked the part where Sofia’s step-siblings appeared one by one and her family’s appearance changed. One thing I think might be a good idea to adjust is the scaling of the characters when they’re kids. They look just a little bit too small to look natural so I’d suggest making them a bit bigger.
There were several minor grammar mistakes that I noticed, so keep an eye out for those, but it wasn’t anything that seriously affected the quality of your story.
You’ve got a good start so far, just work on tidying it up a bit
I only have three episodes out, but I think it would be “better” to read at least two because I didn’t want to throw all the information and everything in the first episodes I believe reading only one wouldn’t do much. But of course it’s your choice.
Thank you.
Starting off with the plot, I have to say I was quite happy to see something that not only featured a male MC but didn’t have any hints of romance in the first episode, which is very refreshing. The opening scene gave off a depressing feel that set the tone for the rest of the story well, considering the story’s subject matter. The story has a certain realness to it in the way that it shows that innocent people get sent to prison all the time, and that we don’t always turn out to be the adults we thought we’d be. You’ve done a good job with it so far, but make sure not to stray too far from what’s realistic in this story, as it would kind of take away from what you’ve built.
These reviews don’t focus on directing, but I will say that I was very impressed with the directing quality! I really like the opening sequence with Aiden and his reflection, the only thing that I might change from it is the quote that’s shown at the beginning. It seems a little bit over the top and cringy for me personally.
Grammar wise, I can’t remember seeing many if any errors. The writing in general is good, none of the dialogue came across as stilted or awkward. Your scene sequencing was fitting and conveyed the story well in a way that wasn’t too choppy even with the flashbacks.
You’ve got a really good story on your hands and I’ll certainly be interested in looking at more episodes!
The first thing I noticed was the lack of an opening of any kind announcing the episode number or anything. Even just a black screen with a narrator text box saying Episode 1 would be good to include, just to make it seem more professional or whatever.
In terms of directing, I noticed a lot of awkward pauses between actions so be wary of that. There wasn’t really any utilization of zooms which can really make your story seem better put together and give certain moments bigger oomph. And there was a part in the second episode where the house was zoomed out so much that black was showing which totally ruins the scene and takes readers out of the story. The spot directing is strange sometimes too, at one point I think Alex’s mom was standing on the counter.
Plot wise, I think it’s a got a cute story line so far. The classic spoiled city girl has to spend time with relatives in a small town and learns how to be a better person. It reminds me of the Hannah Montana movie You did a good job introducing the story and showing what kind of person Alex is before diving into the main plot.
The writing is consistently good and without grammar mistakes. The dialogue seems natural and doesn’t come across as contrived or anything.
Overall I think you’re doing well with your writing and plot-building, you just need to work on directing. There’s lots of tutorials out there, so be sure to check those out to help you.
Hey, thanks for making this thread- this is really nice of you! Here’s the form: Title: Over Before You Know It Author: Lizard Description: You and your best friend make a suicide pact to go to the Grand Canyon and end it all together. Will you both really do it? Or will it be over before you know it? My instagram: @lizard.episode Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6584190301765632
Hi @Madeline_B!! Please read & review @S.Dsana and I’s newly published story!
Story title: Quiet Confidence Author’s Name: Winter05 with S.Dsana Genre: Drama Story style: INK Description of the story: People don’t talk to you, not because of anything because of your status what will happen when a billionaire sets his eyes on you to take you to the top? Number of episodes: 3 [ONGOING] Instagrams:@winter05.episode with @princesssana_sa Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4942036682014720
Story Title: Sharing the Gospel
Author: Leslie Loo
Genre: Drama/comedy
Description: Shy Tressa decides to come out of her shell and share the Gospel to the world with her musical skills. Will she be able to convince her rival Charlotte that God exists?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5142743785013248
) has her own personal career ambitions.
