@cas389 Year 2200
You have no idea how excited I am to start this. I just know it’s going to be my kind of story.
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I see December… I see 2012… And I’m like “could it be?” Are you going to explore the day the word was supposed to end? Lol, I still remember what I was doing that day.
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I’d have the Smith’s walk slower into their house, just so it seems a little more realistically times and so they don’t shrink too fast.
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There was like, the tiniest of lags where the table overlay wasn’t showing in the scene for a second, but this could just be my device. So I wouldn’t stress.
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I think you spelt “news” wrong… It said “newes.” So I’m assuming you meant news.
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When the president is being recorded, try making your shift command for the overlay at the same time as your zoom:
&overlay Record Whatever It’s Called shifts to XYZ in 3
@zoom on XYZ in 3
It will just help make it look like the cameraman is actually zooming on the president. -
Oh, also I just realised you named the president Obama… I’m not sure you’re actually allowed to do that. I know you can make reference to celebrities, and as long as they’re not a plot point then it’s fine, but making them actual characters? Even if it’s only for a couple of scenes. I might have to look that one up. But worst case scenario, you could just change his name to President Ohama or something like that since you probably want to keep the president in it so that it represents history correctly.
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FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK timed choices!!! I panic so much. I wasted at least three of the seconds looking at the timer because it looks different to the one I put in my episodes… So I’m like wasting time wondering why yours looks so different to mine, then I’m like, well shit better actually read my options. And even though I knew the right answer, my finger had a mind of its own and tapped the second one!!! Whyyyyyyyy??? Lol. But seriously, nice job, that was creative.
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Also, lol, I know this is fiction but it is sooooo like the government to keep things like that from the general public and then last minute announce the plan with all the shuttles.
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A little pet hate of mine is to see BG characters that are the default ones. It only takes a few minute to change a hair style or an outfit to make them look unique and it makes a huuuuge difference.
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I like that you used the filter for a flashback.
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It was a dream?!
I feel like I should have known that because it was in your story description… But I still was caught off guard lol… -
Interesting ending to episode 1
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Omgggggg that was a smooth transition into CC. I don’t even mind that it was in episode 2 because I just appreciate it so much that you slipped it in there naturally.
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Not a really big deal, but MC is sleeping with some sparkly pink high heels on? Haha, a little uncomfortable, no?
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Ooh +1? So even some outfit choices will have an impact? Noice! (MC’s crush’s name is the same name as my BF in real life lol)
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Loved the door opening scene.
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I’m not sure how I feel about the shopping centre background. I think it would probably look better if you sourced some futuristic looking backgrounds since it’s supposed to be 2200.
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I am getting a little confused during the president’s speech… How do they know about the aliens? And why is it all happening today? I do like the idea of the birthmarks to tell them apart though.
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Oh, good, MC is asking all the questions I’m thinking.
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I’m guessing float is a futuristic way of killing someone?
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But… Wouldn’t MC have noticed her own birthmarks? Oh wait. I’m silly. They didn’t know the birthmarks were a tell tale sign until now, right?
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I like that you’re keeping track of the points. It gives a real professional vibe.
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Does MC not have PJs? Hahaha
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Oooh that birth mark is cute. I’m glad you got an overlay to show it instead of just leaving it up to imagination.
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Aw, Ryan wanted to tell me how he liked my outfit earlier? What a cutie!
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Just check your zooms in that scene where Ryan enters… I had the no character glitch so I reentered the story but then the zooms were messed up, so just double check to make sure that it is in fact a glitch.
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I’m not sure if this was your intention (if it is though, good on you), but I can totally see this story having a message about race. Like, the whole “they’re different” “they should float” is making me think there’s going to be a moral to the story. Kinda like The Jungle by Amanda Michelle. Idk if you’ve read that, but if you have, you’ll probably understand why I’m making this comparison.
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I did a lot better with this next timed choice, lol. But I’m not really sure if I even want to be earning points with Ryan. He would want MC dead if he knew the truth, you know? I’m glad MC also shares my thoughts.
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I out my favourite food as weed
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I decided to kiss Ryan, despite the fact that he’d want to kill me/MC if he knew the truth. But the kiss was spotted a little off. Try spotting either Ryan or MC a little closer to the other so it looks like their lips are touching.
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Well that’s a plot twist and a half right there! I can definitely see a lot of things this plot twist could lead to.
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Hahaha, I love that your alien king has no nose. He looks hilarious and scary all at the same time.
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You used the wrong to/too twice. When they’re talking about it being too late for MC to change her mind.
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Tappable overlays!!! Yay!
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I noticed it again when they were walking to the loading dock. To much should be too much.
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When Ryan enters at the loading dock, try spotting him off screen but with the same scale value as what his scale is when he’s on screen. This is so that when he walks, he doesn’t start off a giant and shrink really quickly. (I feel like I explained this really poorly, so just ask me if you don’t know what I mean)
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Oh wow! That silhouette figure hahaha, you are really using these limelight features to the max.
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I noticed another to/too error again.
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I like how you’ve set up some choices to be like a mini adventure. Like to search the room and stuff.
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You might want to spot direct Waverly’s speech bubble because at the moment it’s pointing at MC.
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I liked your clothes changing process. It’s one thing to have a story set in the future, but actually coming up with futuristic ideas is the hard part. So that was a neat idea.
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I was hoping you’d have that chair as an overlay for when MC did her hair… And you did!
It’s little things like that that really make a difference. -
Have MC move to the front layer before she enters the scene, because when she was walking in, the BG characters were on top of her.
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I chose to go to the food court and there was a few weird changes between MC standing at the table next to Gina, then sitting, then standing. Like each line, she was moving positions.
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OMG the keypad password thing?! You are so clever, especially using the narration box the way you have!
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3 x 85? Oh, come on! That’s just cruel. …255… And I didn’t use a calculator, for the record. Thanks for making me use my brain
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Whilst I think using the elevator background for the bunker was a clever substitute, I do think that a custom futuristic type of background would better suit for your story. With so many of the episode backgrounds being used in most stories, you need that something different that will stand out. Something that shows your readers that this is taking place on a spaceship shuttle in the distant future.
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When MC is asking questions while she’s being walked off after her little fall… The animation you have her doing is talk_excited which tends to loo kind of weird when some of the questions she asks have a sort of sadish kind of response. When we are taken back to the label, it looks like MC goes from a sad or awkward animation to ask questions excitedly. Maybe just change it to talk_neutral?
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When Jacob (that’s who I picked) was explaining how the brick thing worked, the speech bubble was covering his face.
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More tappable overlays!
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I love MC… She asks all the questions I’m thinking that I was saving up until the end to ask you, but now I don’t have to because MC’s got it covered.
Aww, I’m kinda sad I’m at the end because I feel like we were just getting into the thick of the plot. I do really like your whole idea/concept. It’s refreshing and I haven’t seen many stories like this on episode before. I think in general, you just need to - for lack of a better word - “polish” your episodes a bit. Things like the typos I pointed out, the occasional layering error and having your characters walk naturally (the Smiths’ in episode one, plus Ryan when MC is about to be exchanged) are what I mean when I say polished. It’s only small things that really need amending in my opinion. The one kinda major thing I would suggest, which I mentioned twice already so I’m sure you know what I’m going to say here, is consider getting some custom backgrounds? I really think having the right backgrounds will make your story next-level.