Discussion: let's have a debate about names!

DISCLAIMER: This thread isn’t intended to offend people or the choices they’ve made as parents/author’s Unless you’re JKR. She could have done so much better than that. I just really want to know others thoughts on the subject, so please feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments! :blush::heart:

I’m of the opinion that you should NEVER give a child, or character the first name of a deceased friend or family member.

As author’s, names are an important aspect for creating character’s. As humans, they are heavily tied into who we are, and how we view ourselves. Sometimes, even how society may view us. They are intertwined into our Identity.

A personal example would be in the form of my Uncle. His “birth” name is a Jr to his father’s Sr. He changed his name because he wanted a name that ‘meant something to his babies’. He didn’t associate the name that was given to him by my Grandmother as his own. His father was never around and they did not get along so he chose a name that held value to him and what he wanted to represent to his own children. Of course, my Grandmother still calls him by his birth name and very rarely calls him by his name of choice. :grimacing:

My point, is that name’s hold meaning! Of course, there are those exceptions to the rules. Like people whose name means “Greatness” but haven’t really accomplished much in life, or those whose names mean “Believer” and they’re extremely cynical and hold no spiritual/religious beliefs whatsoever. In these cases I believe there may be a psychological reason for such things, though I’m not here to analyze anyone :sweat_smile:.

When people/author’s name their children/character’s after dead people, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’m not necessarily even talking about the Jr/Sr/generational family names. After all, I do understand that most people hold name traditions to a higher standard than I. Although, if I ever decide to have children and that’s a tradition that means something to my S.O., then we’ll have to compromise :woozy_face::sweat_smile:. No, I’m mostly talking about naming someone after a family member(s) or friend as that person’s first name.

Here are a few of my reasonings for why I don’t agree with the concept.

  • For one, you’re putting an unnecessary, and unwarranted responsibility on their shoulders before birth. (In fiction, I think the same could still apply, but at least you have the option to add the dislike as a plot devise :woman_shrugging:t5:.) If their namesake was held in high (or low) regard to those around before they passed, it could potentially add stress and or identity crisis/confusion. That’s a lot of potential pressure put on someone else’s shoulders just for the sake of a name. No one wants to unwillingly feel like they have “big shoes to fill” because the person they’re named after did great//horrible things.

  • The child/character didn’t chose their name so there’s always that possibility that they feel a disassociation towards their given name; as if their name doesn’t truly belong to them. Not counting the fact that the only reason they were (probably) named after the deceased was because they were a parent/relative who did not get to meet the child…(or because one parent lost the other prematurely and the child resembles them. Same scenario could be said for lost children and or living family/friends.)

  • I also think it’s selfish. Losing a loved one is tough. I’ve been there. But when you take the option to give your child/character a name uniquely theirs you’re doing it for yourself. It’s for you to remember that person by. I don’t think it’s fair that from the moment that name is placed on their birth certificate, that they are now solely responsible for carrying that persons name around until they die. Unless of course they change it. But even then, most parents who name their children after someone else aren’t likely to call them anything but what they chose. (Not all, mind you - but most.) Especially if they’ve never met the person they’re named after… And, I get why people do it. I just don’t agree with it, or their reasoning.

  • And as a bonus, it’s just unimaginative. Yes. JKR, I’m talking to you.

Again, this is my opinion and it’s not meant to hurt or offend. If we don’t agree, I’d love to read why. Also, this is strictly first name’s only!! :nerd_face:

    • Yes. I absolutely AGREE with you!!
    • I’m indifferent. A name is but a name.
    • No. I absolutely DISAGREE with you!!

0 voters

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I neither agree or disagree tbh, I personally wouldn’t give a first name to a child/ character after the death of a loved one but I don’t see any problem with people doing so, just my opinion.

Edit due to reading it’s first name only

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I agree about the expectations part. When a child gets a deceased loved ones name that their parent looked up to, it just fills you with anxiety because you’d have hugeeeee shoes to fill.

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If my name comes up on this thread :triumph:

Jkjk

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I have to disagree with some of this…
Sorry :sweat_smile:

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But I respect your putting this out here.
I don’t really like to give my opinion on stuff in forums because I’m bad with people getting angry at me for saying how I feel…
And I really don’t want you all to be angry or upset
But I’m glad you put this out here

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:eyes::eyes:
I 'm curious now… :face_with_monocle::nerd_face:

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Hey, no judgement here! I’m personally not the type to get angry over differing opinions. If it makes you feel better, you could message me if you wanted to continue the discussion? If not, thanks for letting me know your thoughts!! :blush:

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My sister was named after my grandmother which died way before she was even born and I don’t think there is something wrong with it, but this is just my opinion

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Is your sister the oldest? And that’s okay. :nerd_face: I know not everyone will agree. :kissing_closed_eyes:

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Yep, she is the oldest :relieved:

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Speaking for myself - as an older sister as well, I already have enough responsibility looking out for my younger sibling. I wouldn’t want the added pressure of having someone else’s name. But I can’t speak for everyone and certainly not your sister. But you should ask her how she feels about it and let me know. I’d love to get her opinion on the matter. :upside_down_face:

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I have two boys and purposely avoided family names unfortunately twice it backfired lol. Both sides of the family have family members with the same name who died well before I was born and never heard them mentioned ever not until after i named my boys.

My family does have a tradition both sides my husband side is the initials have to be A G A I went against that and my side is Donald enough said lol I just don’t like being restricted with naming my kids.

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I will ask her than:)

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My name is a type of butterfly, and my grandma and I share a special connection with butterflies, so…my name also means protector, which is ironic XD

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Bump

I honestly diasgree in some way. Like I don’t think there’s anything wrong to name someone after a loved one.

For example if my best friend died, and I had a baby and their name would fit the baby I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to remeber my dear friend and give them respect by naming my baby after them. I don’t see it as a selfish act. And who would even know they’re named after someone.

I do get what you mean I just can’t see it in that light. Like if someone named their kid after me if I were to die, I feel like it’s okay for them to be appreciating me that way. Idk how to explain this well

I’d be honored

Bump