Feedback On A Story Needed

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Hey everyone, I’m Maya.
I’m writing an episode story and so far wanted to know if readers would enjoy it (currently I’m writing episode 1).
Anyone wants to read the first 600 lines in my new ep and tell me how they are? (I also don’t know how to continue from here so feedback is very much appreciated.

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Hey I do proof reading for a shop if you want to fill out the form and request .

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@EpiPepsii I would love to read it and tell you how it is, and help with feedback

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