Honest feedback on my story

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Hi everyone,

Who is interested in reading my story and giving me feedback?
(This is not a read for read thread, sorry)

I just need feedback about my story to know if it is good and if it needs any improvements.
I would appreciate honest feedbacks
You can also tell me if you think there are any corrections I should make.

Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Link to my story:

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Hey I do proofreadering for a shop if you want to fill out the form and request !

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