Hey Nika,
I’ve just finished your third episode. My reviews are structured a little differently to Sasha’s. It’s more like my live thoughts as I was reading, so bare with me…
- I loved your splash for starters
- I’d say get rid of the author note, especially because the only spelling error I did see was in your author note and your actually story was fine
- You had a good use of sound
- I wrote here “ooh overlays” because that was literally my thought when I saw “his powers”. But I would have liked to see a bit more of his powers. I’m going to guess that this will be answered in later episodes?
- When Dante and Pius are outside the house, they’re spotting is a little off, just make them a bit smaller
- I saw the same thing in the hallway with the Bg characters. They just need to be a little smaller. Use the door in the background as a guide for what size they should be
- I loved that you animated the BG characters! I think I missed half of the girls conversation because I was watching the background character get bitch slapped, so I hope it wasn’t too important what they were saying hahaha
- This is just a pet peeve of mine, but I think PROF LOLA should be changed to PROFESSOR LOLA
- Is the class scene a flashback? Maybe change the filters if so, so readers can see a clear change in time?
- I loved the shoulder angels and when the author peeps her head up a little bit. That was cute. I know before I said get rid of the author note, but I think you should keep that bit.
- When Devon starts ranting at her dad, use other animations, not just arms crossed loop one the whole way through.
*After the fight with her Dad, Devon and Antara are kind of far apart when they’re talking about it. *I’d say either move them closer together or use some close up zooms so we can’t see the gap.
*Is there a reason Antara always has an ear piece?
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Nice length for your first episode
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For episode 2, the desk overlay has a millisecond of a delay every time you change the scene.
I’m not sure on your coding, but I’d say to check all your overly commands start with & before you have the rest of the scene. -
I wouldn’t tell readers which choice would be longer (for the record I chose to go to the party despite your warning)
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But I do like that you told readers (or me, for choosing the party) what the consequence was.
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I am getting the sense that choices matter. Whilst their aren’t many, I do feel like they have an impact
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I like these funny scenes with Dante, but I’m struggling to make the connection just yet. Again, I’m sure it’s going to be one of those things that get revealed later on, but some breadcrumbs or clues would be helpful for readers to start making some theories
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So his powers make people fall over? Or is this just because there’s a shortage of animations?
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I hear that bang and I’m like “ok, now we’re getting into the action” and I’m thinking that everything I saw on the cover and in the description is about to start coming together and instead I get left on a cliff hanger?! Very cruel
So I got to the end and I overall like it and would continue… There was a few suggestions with spotting and animations I would suggest, as in my notes. And I guess one major thing I would suggest it getting Dante to tie into the story a little earlier? At the moment it feels a bit like I’m reading two different stories because they haven’t come together yet. But other than that your plot is intriguing and you’ve executed it very well 