Honest reviews for stories

Creator's Corner Share Feedback
167

Hey TheGoodOne (if that is your real name :thinking:),

Here’s my thoughts:

  • I already like how when you’ve asked to name the MC, you haven’t done the typical “What’s your name?” question, and you made the phrase suit your story.

  • I think the pan at first was a little off. Should it start at zone 3 and then pan to zone 1? Since the character was in zone 1 it felt like I was only been shown her for a second before choosing the name.

  • I like how the MC isn’t the cliche MC. She’s different and that’s awesome to include.

  • The scene outside the school
, I noticed one BG character “popped” up after the first narration bubble. It was the one on the left with slicked back hair in case you wanted to fix that up. And maybe have them doing looping animations so they’re not just idle while Dave and Ahish enter

  • Ahish slides when he first enters the screen. Make sure you have him enter and then say his line

  • Oh and I’ve just noticed the MC’s name is showing up as Gale? But that wasn’t the name I chose. I’m not sure what’s happened there


  • Whilst I’m all for choosing what the MC’s sexual preference is
 the story started with MC saying she’d never had a boy friend. And then it was the establishing shot of the school saying there wasn’t a lack of guys
 Maybe you would need to change this to MC saying she’s never been in love and then outside the school having guys and girls as BG characters and MC saying there’s not a shortage of potential partners?

  • I’m loving how many choices I’ve already been given so early on!

  • I noticed a typo in MC’s day dream. Stop was missing a ‘t’ when she says I couldn’t stop thinking of him. But other than that I liked the daydream scene

  • MC’s internal thoughts remind me so much of me when I was like in year 11/12

  • When MC flirts back, I noticed the background is still black? I think after her day dream, the background should be a classroom of some sort. Unless there’s a reason you left it black and I just haven’t gotten far enough

  • This is minor but I don’t think half the words you beeped out needed to be. I think die is fine to write and as long as you put a warning splash at the beginning, the rest should be fine too.

  • Ok, so the episode finished after the text saga. I think the plot is off to a good start, but in saying that, there wasn’t enough for me to determine where it’s going. I’m guessing it’s like a coming-of-age story, where MC’s trying to find love but has also got some PLL stalker threatening her and being racist? I’d love to hear what you’ll put as the official description so I could compare though :hugs:

1 Like