I need help ASAP! :(

So I will be fast. If you aren’t feeling like reading this long thing, just exit.

In my country, we start school in 7 days BUT I forgot that I have an important project because of my headteacher (I hate her she is giving me anxiety and she only knows to talk bad about others) and I will have to go to school tomorrow for the rest of the week for a few hours with some of my classmates. I am somehow stressed because I forgot about it.

  • Why am I worried? Why am I sharing this?
    I am usually the outsider in school. I literally have 0 friends and I don’t talk with anyone. The last time I saw them it was march. It will be awkward. The quarantine made me realize how boring my life is. Even though my schoolmates are kind of s*itty I want to talk with them because I look like a weirdo that is 24/7 on her phone. But some things are stopping me from being social with them:
  1. My mental and physical health. Mental health? I always feel afraid when I am talking with people. I have good formed sentence in my head and I will be like “You know…um…there are singers named… Ummm… C-celebrities names here(I typed it on purpose) and they have a new song. Have you hear it?” instead of “celebrities names have released a new song. Do you like it? Have you heard of it?” and I am an overthinker and I will overthink this for the next 50 years. Plus I can’t look people in the eyes because of my physical health. I have problem with my eyes(i think it’s called lazy eye in English) and my eye look weird. I don’t want people to see it and this is why I don’t want to look at them in the eyes. Due to my social issues and this whole eye thing they assume that I have autism. I don’t even want to know if I have it for real.

A few days ago I was with my mom and we saw one girl that just have graduated. She is cool. I usually would feel anxiety but she introduced me to her sister and I was like “My name is Kristen”(not my real name but it is really close to it. I am not a catfish I just don’t want to share my real name, I kinda need to change my username here) and I looked her in the eyes. I usually have eye contact with close people but with my schoolmates??? My mom said that it is obvious that I have problem with my eyes. I am getting glasses. I want to prove to myself that it’s just my lack of self esteem.

  1. Trust issues
    I used to be kind of close with them but they ditched me and started using me because I am the nerd and teacher’s pet kinda. I was so sad when one of my schoolmates said “I forgot you existed” when we literally sit together in one class. I am always ether their last choice or I am not a choice at all. One class they are really nice with me, but the next one they are rude. They talk behind my back a lot. Expecially about my social issues.

  2. The new schoolmates
    It’s always the newbies that ruin everything. Only boys tho. One of them is named Daniel and the other one is Christian. Daniel is annoying and he is always like “She is stupid I don’t get why teacher love her so much. They are always giving her chances but when it comes to us, no.” and others agree. I do nothing. I don’t talk and at least try to be a good student and they hate how much teachers kiss my *ss. In IT class Daniel is always turning off my computer. The teacher gets angry at him because he should not turn off the computer like that(yeah because they are already slow enough). During the online schooling he was always like “I can’t do that”, “I don’t know how”, “my internet is slow”, "how to take screenshot from my laptop"if you don’t know it’s the button after f12(prt scr) and he acted like dumber that a first grader. But when it comes to games he knows everything. And no he doesn’t like me. That’s bullying(idgaf about it but it gets annoying). Chris on the other hand is always sending inappropriate content to the class’s gc(cough cough :underage: cough cough) and he even showed a video to me at my face. I am still traumatized. Plus he thinks it’s funny to say the n word(he is white) and he just sounds dumb. He is also ruining my favorite class with his addidute towards the teacher.

  3. My childhood trauma.
    I am not going into details here but I used to be bullied a lot and I am always scared of being made fun of(I only don’t give a f*ck when it comes to these stupid boys in my class).

Man I just want to have friends in school for once. I will be friend with people I can’t stand and sometimes love(sometimes they are defending me) if I have to.

  • Why the f*ck do I want to be friend with them?
    I don’t want to be friend with the boys. They are a big no from me. The girls? I don’t want to be lonely for the last years. I know there will be moments that I will want to cry because my class was terrible but there are moments when they are…likeable? Sometimes I listen to their conversations(during the breaks when there are like 5 people in the room. They sound nice and not like when we are 18(my class is small). In the end of the day they are my schoomlates and I should socialize with them.

Here goes my question.

  • How?

Aw : ( I wish I can help you but I really suck at socializing as well.

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the thing is, for social life I suffered the exact samething like u did in middle school especially in 8th grade, all these kids started hanging out with high schoolers and I was just a lonely girl with no phone and no freedom

im waiting for hs to start therefore I want to start fresh but the thing is ill be remote learning so idk how thats going to work

but just know if you going to deal with these issues in person, that someone will adore you just because u act like your self. Not like one of those toxic bi*ches that wanna be superior , tough, and make people like them.

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btw if you wanna talk more about it Im always open for a pm

we can have conversations and maybe it will help you

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Hey! I used to be EXTREMELY shy, but it’s gotten better as I’ve grown up. There used to be this really annoying guy in my class named colin, who bullied me and my friends, but then he would cry when the teacher came so she would take pity on him. I think I might know how to help you with your social anxiety, why don’t you pm me? Oh, and if you ever need aa friend, I would love to be yours!

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Update: it was good. I talked a little bit with one of my schoolmates because she was the only girl here. Someone asked me a question and I answered. I still felt shy but not like usual. Quarantine changed me.


I’m really happy 4 u!

Taking initiative is important.

My best friend for 4 years came up to me one day and literally just asked “Can I be your friend?” She’s incredibly shy and quiet, but I just said “yes,” and we’ve been good friends ever since. It caught me off guard, but you’ve got to remember that other people probably feel the same way during the first few days of school. :two_hearts:

It’s scary at first. It is, but it’s worth a try. You can try to bond over similar interests with your classmates, and once you’ve talked a few times, maybe try asking for their email or social media so you guys can talk more outside of class.

I hope that helps, even though I’m pretty sure others have said the same thing. :sweat_smile:

Good luck with the school year! :heart: Feel free to PM me anytime.

Awesome! :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

Let me hug you and tell you my story. :relaxed: Now I am 28 years old and I also suffered from “lazy eye”. At school, my classmates humiliated me, and I also had no friends. I had several eye surgeries but it didn’t help. But my life changed when I realized that the problem wasn’t me or my eye. If people humiliate you or don’t want to be your friends just because of your appearance - YOU don’t need these people. I accepted my shortcomings. I made friends in high school. I now have a loving husband and friends who love me for who I am. Don’t be afraid to start communicating with new people. You are beautiful and your life will be beautiful, believe me!
P.S. You can find a special eye gymnastics on YouTube. It won’t get you out of the problem completely, but thanks to this kind of gymnastics, my eyes sometimes look straight. :wink:

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I know exercises. They helped me to get rid of it when I was younger.

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