Thank youuu sooo muchhh hun! 
Btw…I took 3 days JUST to code the speechbubbles…but idk why still they keep misplacing 
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Check my 2nd screenshot, you’ll see that the speechbubble covers the character’s face. I’ve seen it several times during that particular scene!
And ofc! Thanks for doing R4R with me! 
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Done!!! 
Feedback: First of all, I want to ask, how on earth does your story only have 18 reads!!! This deserves soooo much more, honestly. You have almost everything: Great plot, well-researched concept, amazing character development, great spot directing, and girl, don’t even get me started with the amount of comedy in it! I had a few good laughs on most of the scenes! 
The “Meemaw” name killed me and I still couldn’t get over Zen’s excuse about walking his goldfish lmao. 
I’m a music lover and concert-goer irl so reading something like this really hits like home. Great choices on the love interests outfits too: really screamed ‘superstar’! 
Lastly, I love how the characters are well diversed! Good freaking job!!!
Lowpoints: Chapter 2 and 3 have great episode lengths, but the length of Chapter 1 seems like a combination of both (?) It spanned very well and I can tell that every scene and convos are important to the plot so I won’t suggest deleting any scenes. But if you want to achieve consistency on chapters length (and to avoid from the possibility of readers dropping the story on the first episode because they couldn’t follow), maybe you’ll consider this: you can end episode 1 on the scene where the MC and her friend discovered that the concert tickets are missing. It’s a good ending, leaving the readers hanging.
Also, it’s not really a big deal but there are few scenes where the zoom focus is too far above the characters. I have included some samples in the screenshots.
Overall: I loooove this story and I am excited for your journey with this! I’ll consider promoting it on my insta this week cause you deserve moreee reads. Thanks for sending a request!
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Whoa, thank you!! Thanks a million! 
I will take all of your suggestions into consideration, and you’re right about chapter 1 being a bit longer than the others. Maybe I can end it with the stolen tickets, then continue the concert in chapter 2.
But thanks so much for the review! I appreciate it a lot! 
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Done with your stories! Check your DM for my feedback. 
Hey! I finally finished reading the 5 chapters.
I just wanted to say that you have done a very great job with your story! Everything has been easy for me to understand and comprehend. I also enjoy the cliffhangers you leave for each episode it really makes me want to continue to read more.
I love your story 
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Aww thank you so much 
Gonna start with your story and get back to you with my review as soon as I’m done.
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No problem
Done!
Feedback: Congratulations on publishing your first story! Feels good to bring your characters to life, yeah? 
I should know cause I’ve been there a year ago haha so congrats! For a beginner, I think you did great on plotting these story ideas! The storyflow is easy to follow and I love the representations of different ethicities! While mafia has been considered a common theme on app, you made it so interesting and different from others by adding your own flair and great perspectives! 
Lowlights: You have a good storyline but these errors limit the potential of your story. So i hope you consider fixing them so we can get your story in the spotlight it deserves.
- Loop talking: After using loop talking animations, make sure you end it with another idle loop animation when they are done talking. Same applies to characters who have dialogues; make sure you add talking animations when they’re speaking.
- Author note: In the first chapter where you came in as the author, maybe you cut back the part where you talk about potential errors and stuff. Most of the readers want a good story right away and giving a heads up about the errors could be a turn off to some. The story hasn’t even started yet so let’s avoid making such negative impression already!
- Spotting and layering issues: Characters sliding into places instead of walking, no proper height, characters pops out the screen randomly, incorrect layering of characters.
- Incorrect placement of speechbubbles: avoid placing them on characters’ faces.
- Zooming and walking animations: Avoid slow zooms and awkward pauses. Also, characters walk very slow in some scenes.
- Dialogues: i love you narrations and dialogues, really! But please remember that every sentence needs a fullstop. Adding punctuation marks are very important!
- Bombarding readers with punch of CC: I gotta be honest, I was a bit frustrated that I spent a pass for a chapter just to CC. As someone who prefers to read the story as is, I skip the cc most of the time so it roughly took me few seconds to finish chapter two. My advise: there are readers who don’t cc so never publish a chapter without a content. Instead, move these characters to the point where the reader meets them. Guarantee that it’ll save you time, if that’s what you’re trying to do. Also, i’ll refer you to Dara Marie’s website for family cc templates where the family members are automatically cc’d according to MC’s features. Her cc scripts are the best!
Overall: The key to publish anything at all is to get a proofreader and betatesters (you can find them here on forums and they offer services like these for free!). Sometimes we need to read our story more than 10 times before we publish it. There are lots of coding tutorials on youtube which you may find helpful: check out Mary Sava and Joseph Evans! You have a promising story and by working on the directing and coding, I believe you can get to the top! Overall, great start and I wish you continue writing! There is always a voice that cries out to have its story told and you could be the one who will tell it. Good luck on your writing journey!
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Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it! As a beginner I have a lot to correct and I am currently working on all those errors rn. I also didn’t get a proofreader until a few months ago lol.
As for the chapter of the cc I get why you didn’t like the chapter but the customization has a big influence for those 2 chapters that I wrote and in the future story. Adding it to a chapter will make it longer, and some people hate it when chapters are long.
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That’s great! The good news is, those errors can be easily fixed so good luck! You’ll get the hang of coding soon!
And yeah I hear you on that! I understand your intention about offering readers the complete control through CCing multiple characters. But the thing is, the first three episodes are crucial. These chapters are what should entice your readers to continue and spend their passes on future episodes. So if you don’t give them anything to get them excited about reading more, they may choose to spend that pass elsewhere. Publishing a chapter for CC only is definitely a no-go for me. I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker but I would advise you to reconsider. The way I perceive it as a reader, those type of chapters simply implies a lack of effort on author’s part. If you would take a look at previous discussions here on forums, 99% of the time, readers are not likely to CC family members. CC of MC and LI is fine. CC of 3-4 characters is fine. But if involves more than that, that’s too much work at the beginning of a story they’re not yet engaged in. Someone like me who don’t cc family members, doesn’t like using passes for a chapter dedicated only for CC; I’m pretty sure nobody does. And the fact that the story has still a lot to improve in terms of directing and coding, it would make me shy away from using a pass to read future episodes even more (sorry babe!).
If cc is truly essential to your plotline and you’re worried that it would take up space, put it in at the end of chapter. Otherwise, give us the options to either ‘proceed to the story’ or ‘customize’ at the beginning of chapter two. In that way, readers won’t feel obligated to cc if they are not really planning to. But however you want to put it in, make sure there is something to actually make reader wanna read the next episode. Long chapter due to cc is better than a chapter with no content. And I would mention this again: There are methods to have family members automatically changed without asking readers to cc, check out @Dara.Amarie’s website to learn how.
These are just my opinions and suggestions though so I hope you don’t take this by heart. At the end of the day, it’s your story so do what feels right for you!
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Thank you so much for your opinion and these facts, it surely changed my POV on the CC. But I don’t think at this point I can remove/change that chapter. It will also be a lot of work but I appreciate it.
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Yeah of course no problem! I’m just here to guide and help.
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