Need feedback on unpublished story

Hello everyone, I’m a new writer and I wanted some feedback on my story. I have some art being created at the moment. So that’s stopping me from publishing my story. I don’t meet the requirements on most review post. That’s why I felt the need to create my own post.

My story deets:
Title: Kotton Kandie
Description: Help a newly divorcee navigate through this thing called “life”. ALL choices matter
Cover: Currently being made
How many episodes: 3 (so far)

Please be honest with your review.

Hey I read your story!!

I will review it but please can you review my story too?

I would be grading you on:
Plot: (out of 5). The theme of your story
Grammer: (out of 5)
Directing: (out of 10)
Duration: (out of 5)
Narration: (out of 10)how you put your story together
Cover art: (out of 5)

Total : (out of 40) in percentage

And comments regarding your story.

Please grade me the same way.
_I have only 2 episodes so it shouldn’t be a problem to read it_a

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I will read your story.

Plot: 3.5/5
Grammer: 3/5
Narration: 8/10
Cover: 4.5/5
Directing: 3.5/5
Duration: 4/5

Total: 66.25%

I love how you used new backgrounds,overlays and creative covers. There was a great sense of humour at the beginning of each chapter😆. But one thing more your story could include is a little more accurate spot b directing. Characters were misplaced at some parts but the narration is really understandable and to the point. There were some grammatical errors (like “you’re nice” was written as " your nice" and some minor typos. The plot felt unclear and a bit boring at the first episode but you caught on at the rest.
I didn’t quite like the way how Onyx was introduced so suddenly and the connection became a little obvious. I suggest having them meet at a public place where they accidentally meet each other (like needing a change at a market place) and not making it obvious that he’s gonna be a love interest. I literally LOVE LOVE LOVE the third Episode where the therapist says those inspiring quotes. You did a great job!! Keep it up.

P.S: I liked how you used cotton candy themed covers at the beginning of a chapter.:joy:

Thanks for your time. Please review it on the basis of the same grading system🤗

Plot: 3.5
Grammar : 3
Cover: 5
Directing: 2.5
Duration: 3

I would rate your story 3 out of 5.

I really like how the necklace is being used in the story. I feel like you have a decent plot. Just too much narration and not enough directing. My main concern was the directing. I felt like there wasn’t enough of it in your story. During the conversation between the aunt and the MC. The speech bubble popped up for the MC but there was no animation.

I also questioned why your MC never left the house. Is Susan so strict she’s not allowed to leave the house? Your chapters could be a little longer. Maybe show some flashback scenes. Even though I like the plot idea episode 1 was boring for me. I did enjoy the cliffhanger that you left for chapter 2.

As you can see I’m so so with grammar lol. I mostly noticed you’re missing a lot of commas. I also noticed how Uncle Frank was really sad. Try to keep him in the same sad state when he arrives and leave the MC house. I think it would add more depth to the story. Overall I think you have a good story just continue to develop your directing skills more. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I will take your review and make some adjustments.

Your review is ready.

Thank you so much for being honest! I will take this into consideration. :smile:

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