Grammar : 3
I would rate your story 3 out of 5.
I really like how the necklace is being used in the story. I feel like you have a decent plot. Just too much narration and not enough directing. My main concern was the directing. I felt like there wasn’t enough of it in your story. During the conversation between the aunt and the MC. The speech bubble popped up for the MC but there was no animation.
I also questioned why your MC never left the house. Is Susan so strict she’s not allowed to leave the house? Your chapters could be a little longer. Maybe show some flashback scenes. Even though I like the plot idea episode 1 was boring for me. I did enjoy the cliffhanger that you left for chapter 2.
As you can see I’m so so with grammar lol. I mostly noticed you’re missing a lot of commas. I also noticed how Uncle Frank was really sad. Try to keep him in the same sad state when he arrives and leave the MC house. I think it would add more depth to the story. Overall I think you have a good story just continue to develop your directing skills more. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I will take your review and make some adjustments.