Read for read? Review for review? I'm looking for new stories to read

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 6:41pm

Let’s do read for read or review for review. Drop your story here and I’ll read or review it if you do the same.

Title: A Rockstar’s Muse
Author: Tessa B
Genre: Romance
Style: limelight
Chapters: 3 (more coming soon)
Description: After being gone for a year, you’re finally back and when you see your old Rockstar neighbor again, everything changes for you. What will you do?
Link: [[http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5162023890518016]
Instagram: @tessab.episode

LiyahxWrites · March 9, 2019, 6:42pm

Hi😊
Title: Bad Behavior
Author: Aaliyah Ali
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 4 (more to come)
Summary: How will Alana, Lucas, Ryan and Rachel survive their past and conquer their future…
If bad behavior follows them everywhere, they go?
cc, and choices available!
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5778189056540672
Cover:

Marshmallow_O · March 9, 2019, 6:43pm

i’d love to do a review for review with you! i can start right now if you’re open to it!

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy (Thriller)
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6250660385652736
Summary: It’s a race against time as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to…

Cover

Chapters: 4 (More to come)

Create your own characters and Choices Matter!

Maya6 · March 9, 2019, 6:45pm

Here’s my story The Star Necklace

Maya6 · March 9, 2019, 6:45pm

Maya6 · March 9, 2019, 6:51pm

I did just r4r I finished chapter one

Marshmallow_O · March 9, 2019, 6:51pm

we’ve done a read for read together! why did you reply to me…?

Maya6 · March 9, 2019, 6:52pm

I replied to Tessa B not u I didn’t mean to reply to u sorry

MadelineM-W · March 9, 2019, 6:57pm

Title: 1st House on the Block
Author: Madeline M-W
Genre: Thriller
Style: Limelight
Chapters: 9 (more coming soon)
Description: You decide to throw a party, but it gets crashed when you discover a dead body. Will you and your friends die or will you save them all? (Multiple Endings)

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 6:57pm

Just read the first episode. Can you read mine? If you want me to read more chapters, you can always ask me.

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 7:18pm

Just read your first chapter too. Tell me if you want to do more read for reads.

LiyahxWrites · March 9, 2019, 7:27pm

I read all, can you read all?

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 7:27pm

Just read the first episode. Will you read mine now? If you want me to read more episodes, just ask me.

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 8:07pm

Just read them all too. Thank you.

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 8:08pm

Sure, I’ll start reading now and tell you when I’m done.

Marshmallow_O · March 9, 2019, 8:09pm

great! can’t wait!

Marshmallow_O · March 9, 2019, 8:59pm

hey here’s your review! please note that i am not trying to be mean with this review! it’s just my honest opinion on your story, and my trash sense of humor! this is not intended to hurt/offend you! so please do not take it personally! and thank you so much for doing this review for review with me!

Episode 1

authors intros… no. they take the reader out of the story and make it less enjoyable for them because your story looses its “i’m watching a movie” feel. so don’t start off the story with an authors intro. same goes for an outro, if you have one!
i’m not a fan of customizing the characters right as the episode starts… i’d rather get to meet them first and then get to the cc. this is just my opinion tho, you don’t have to change it.
the characters kinda pop up on screen when the scene starts. use the & symbol to prevent this.
so when a character gets done speaking they do one of two things. they either keep talking (cause it’s a looped animation) or they have some wacky expression on their face because they weren’t given a command after their line of dialogue. so to prevent this use &CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop or something like that after their line.
it’s a best friends brother plotttttttttttt!!! i’m living kinda love those
i kinda don’t like how this scene is set up. like her mom is kinda so far away from the rest of the girls and the MC is standing in front of her friend… could you space them out a bit more to create a better picture?
they just appeared on screen during the coffee shop scene too…
all of this extra narration that’s hapening like “i didn’t expect what happened next.” take it out. it’s not necessary and like i said earlier takes the reader out of your story.
i see that you tried to make them bump into each other, but it didn’t work out. try redirecting that scene to make it more evident.
this episode was really short… (note: short episodes really tend to piss some readers off because they feel like they’ve wasted a pass… so just keep that in mind.)

Episode 2

the characters just appear on screen here too.
redirect the bump into each other scene.
you should let us know that he’s a pop sensation in episode one. like all of that stuff that you just narrated about, you should show us not tell us. we want to watch these things unfold, it makes for a better episode!
jason gets smaller as he exits. use spot directing to prevent this from happening as well. if you need help with this ask me and i’ll explain further
the narration bubble is over their faces (when the mc sits back down)
how realistic is it that a pop sensation is just chilling out in the open by himself at a coffee shop with no body guard, and no screaming fans wanting his autograph…? just a note on the realism of this situation.
how would she know that he stays home all day to rehearse if she’s been at boarding school…?
you should add music to your story. it’s totally not REQUIRED but since your story is based around a musician and music and singing, i’d add it. also a lot of people listen with the sound on. you’ll be astounded at how many people have told me that they use sound when playing
so… much… narration as readers we want to see these things happen and form our own opinions on the characters and their backstories. but if you just tell us through narration we aren’t able to do that. so show us these things through scene development, and dialogue. ya know?
this was a better length episode than the last one. still short, but better. it’s probably because there was a lot of narration.

Episode 3

i’m going to be completely honest with you, i didn’t want to type out notes for this episode. so i just read it without taking notes, i hope that’s okay!

Overall Thoughts

Okay! Hi!
Alright, so as of right now you’ve got a good story developing! So let’s break it down into categories. Grammatically, I didn’t notice anything wrong. Then again my grammar is horrible. But overall the grammar looked fine to me! But, i’m not a grammar person, so i may have missed something, so… maybe rewatch it and look at all of your dialogue lines…? Directing wise, it’s fine. I believe that this is your first story and it looks just about the same as everyone first story looks. You’re still learning so of course there are going to be a few bumps here and there, I get that! Mostly, you just need to work on using the & symbol more often. It really does make the story flow much better! So for example: &CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop is so much better than @CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop because if you use @ the script will wait for this command to happen before it moves on. So use &! Also, the bump into each other scene should really be redirected so that the readers understand what happened. I know what you were going for, cause i’m a writer as well, but not all readers are writers. Next, you need to use less narration. I talked about it earlier, but you really should use less narration. And the authors intro should go as well. Try making a splash intro, or have someone on the forums do it! I know a ton of people who make GREAT splashes for free if you can’t make one on your own! Also, that opening scene where the mc, her friend, and her mom are all in the house together… The spacing is off between the characters, so i’d re-spot them if I were you! Overall, with directing, just rewatch your episodes and whatever you see going wrong so now being smooth, just revamp that scene! Okay, now, plot wise. I will say that it’s not the most original plot out there (but neither is mine so ). There are so many stories on this platform with: girlxrockstar plots. But i’m sure that you can find a way to make this more original and into your own! Anyways, the development is… choppy. First off, episode one is your pilot episode. Which means that you have to make it the BEST episode of the series (well…you know what i mean) this episode has to make the reader WANT more! And to do that you need to add more character development to the first episode. We don’t know anything about the MC. Except for the fact that she just left boarding school, and she liked her best friends brother, and that she knows the newest pop sensation. Her and her best friend going to the coffe shop is basically the plot driver for your story because that’s when the mc and jason reconnect. So there needs to be more development to that scene. Maybe we could start with her on the plane to get back home, and then her mom and her bff could meet her there, and then they plan a sleepover, they hang out, and then they talk about jason (this is how the reader learns about him, instead of the narration) then the next day they go for coffee, and she bumps into him… idk. i don’t want to write your story for you but it just needs more of a development leading up to the coffeshop scene cause that’s the plot driver, ya know? And, the realism… i talked about it earlier and i don’t want to type it out again so just reread what i said about the realistic-ness of some scenes! Overall, the story has a REALLY good foundation right now! I can tell that you have a pretty well thought out plot planned out, and i’m very curious as to how you’re going to execute it! Thanks for doing this read for read/review for review with me, and I hope this helped you at all!

I apologize for any typos/grammatical errors i’ve made in this review. I typed it on my phone, and i don’t have time to re-read it because i have to do more read for reads! Thank you for understanding!

TESSAB · March 9, 2019, 9:50pm

Thank you so much for this, it’s been a great help and I’ll definitely take these tips into consideration.

Also, thanks for helping me with the pilot, I’ve had a lot of doubts about it.

Now for your review:
First of all, I think the plot is great. It’s definitely interesting and I would love to read more of this story.
As for the pilot, it’s a great build up and directing seems good. I do have to say that maybe you could take another look at the backgrounds because I could tell that you used certain backgrounds that didn’t really fit into the scene. Like for example, when the MC’s sister comes home, she opens the door in her brother’s room but I’m guessing that’s not what you intended to do. (I don’t know if you understand). Also the overlay of the kitchen looked a little weird as the MC talked to her parents since you can only see their heads coming from behind the overlay and it could bother some people.
I also believe there were a few grammar mistakes but I can’t exactly point them all out since I binge read your story. But maybe you could take another look at the dialogue.
For the rest, directing and plot seems good. It’s a funny story to read and I definitely can’t wait to read more. I hope this helped since I’m fairly new as a writer so I’m not an expert.

Marshmallow_O · March 9, 2019, 9:54pm

holy shit lmao i changed some backgrounds and i didn’t know it updated this is going to be awkward until some stuff gets approved
thank you for pointing this out to me
and thank you for the review! i appreciate it so much!

holly1333 · March 9, 2019, 11:10pm

I’d love to review urs if u review mine http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5021472924762112 enjoy!