𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬

Just a link and description.

1 Like

Alright!
Here is the link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5114996607287296
Description: Being the youngest of three is the worst, until you die and are sent to hell. Will your sisters be able to save your soul before it’s too late or will you find unexpected love?

Here you are! Thank you so much!

1 Like

Also, I am still currently writing episode 3 so if it cuts off at a certain scene that’s the reason why! Thanks again!! :slight_smile:

1 Like

Hey, you seem to be professional and I’d love if you could review my (unpublished) story. There’s not much to it yet (I haven’t even finished the first episode!), but I would like to know if I’m heading in a good direction.

Title: Storm
Author: Berry
Genre: Horror/Mystery
Style: Limelight
Link: (removed)
Summary: A car accident leaves six unfortunate travelers stranded in the cold, unforgiving Canadian wilderness. As a snowstorm approaches, their survival is threatened by something sinister that seems determined on their downfall.
Chapters: Less than 1
CC: No CC, it’s not that kind of story and each character has specific cultural backgrounds that customization would be unable to support.
MC: All six characters are main characters.
Choices severely impact story (or they will, once I write further), and each character can live or die depending on the reader’s actions.

1 Like

aspire-demibold

@WolfyLover247

  • You were missing some punctuation on the beach scene.

  • David was wearing default clothing.

  • They were the same height on the street then they went to Jules house and now she is smaller than him

  • David walked to the side of the house

  • David is still wearing clothes from the previous day,

  • There weren’t a lot of background characters.

  • That short sound playing as music, is kinda irritating

  • David popped into the scene where he was supposed to meet Carmen 1 hour later.

  • Carmen said “YEah, but I thought I won’t need it” it’s “Yeah, but I thought I wouldn’t need it”

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I liked how you explained the different a banshees and how they become what they are.

  • It needed a little spice involved, it was getting a little boring.

  • I didn’t know where the story was heading.

  • I wish when they were in the lake scene the waves could have been moving. But that’s just me

  • It was a little rushed

I’m out of passes rn
.

1 Like

aspire-demibold

  • The car would Idk pop up in the same spot.

  • In the beginning, try changing the snow effect to light instead because it makes it hard to read.

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I loved the serious vibe of your story!!

  • Amazing use of overlays!!!

  • Dear Lord, why aren’t you on Hulu?!?

  • Your characters and the points and percentages are perfect!!

  • Your story reminds me of a story I’m working on :joy:

  • The setting!!

  • I can’t describe how much I love this already.

  • Really Santiago!! Focus on the road!!

  • Amazing Introduction

  • I like the smoke that came out of Andre.

  • The use of music and sound effects are perfect!!

  • You better publish this!!

2 Likes

Why do I feel like your story is gonna blow up once published?

2 Likes

Oh wow, thank you so much! I wasn’t expecting you to respond so quickly, LOL. I was actually hoping you were doing the reviews in order so I would have time to actually update with more content before you got to see it, aha.

Thank you a lot for the feedback!!

1 Like

I couldn’t do it order because I ran out of passes, I’m sorry. So I went to doing the unpublished stories. Your welcome.

2 Likes

Oh boy… I’m gonna Fix all that later

1 Like

I’d love a review on my first story, It’s a bit different from most stories i’ve read but its based off of a short story i wrote a few years ago. So i’ve treated it as a practice run for directing and such…
Looking forward to hearing what you think!

Name: Catching Tom
Author: Cece Mason
Instagram name: cecemason.episode
Description: Meet Tom, Can you catch him? I’ts almost the classic boy meets girl, except she’s just your neighbor and she’s got a boyfriend already. (LL, Male MC)
Chapters: 3
Genre: Action
Style: Limelight

1 Like

@Writer_SA did you see my review?

@AMagic oh yes I did I just forgot to reply, thank you for your review.

1 Like

Your welcome, I hope you fix the errors I saw. :smile:

1 Like

@Mellisa2731

aspire-demibold

  • In the beginning, Lisa said “Make me Hot!” the “H” is supposed to be lowercase.

  • The same with Jason the “h” is lowercase

  • When they say, you can’t change my hair color,eye color or skin color. Please add a space between the comma and the “e” “hair color, eye color”

  • I don’t like how Lisa is saying what we can’t change about her, it ruins the vibe of it being a fantasy story.

  • At the ending of CC, make sure to add a transition.

  • The cafe scene has many default clothing, which doesn’t set a good rep for your future stories.

  • Is that a black male I see with pale lips in the background :eyes: plus he is just idle.

  • When you had put “Was a world where there were peaceful humans who co-existed with creatures of all kinds” you forgot to add a period

  • I see how everyone is just standing up in the cafe background.

Suggestion

Post your script templates here! Official script template sharing thread

  • When you put “The All hell broke loose when the war between VaMpires and Wolves started.” The “A” is lowercase, the “V and the M” are also lowercase.

  • In the raining scene with the bunker background. I see soooo many default clothing.

  • In the flashback Lisa is wearing the same clothes she had on years later.

  • In the flashback, her mom is still in the hospital clothing.

  • In the flashback everyone is wearing the same clothes, might wanna change that.

  • Did you use a hidden animation? Bad News…

  • In the bedroom scene when Lisa said “Why did you do that?” she didn’t have an animation to what she said.

  • When lily said, “Why cant you understand?” It’s “Why can’t you understand?”

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • Nice use of the ball overlay

  • Woah, the opacity thing with Jason, was super cool!

  • The plot wasn’t my type.

  • That cliffhanger didn’t leave me interested.

  • The whole I just wanted to leave the story.

Second Chapter

aspire-demibold

  • When Lisa says “Not After” the “A” is supposed lowercase.

  • When Jason said, “You don’t know how much your words can hurt”, you forgot to a period.

  • When Lisa said, “He is from one of the most powerful families of wolfs” it’s wolves not wolfs.

  • When Lisa said, “Danger is what i smell” The “I” is supposed to be capital.

  • When Lisa said “Cant get into danger” it’s “Can’t get into danger.” I feel like that shouldn’t have been its own sentence.

  • A vampire is called Vamp2 you might wanna change his name.

  • When “Vamp2” says, "I don’t understand one thing josh. It’s "I just don’t understand one thing Josh.

  • In the cabin scene “Damon” is standing on the little desk, you might wanna make that desk an overlay.

  • When Sam said "You know we have no control over it, It just happenes. It’s You know we have no control over it, it just happens.

  • When Sam said, "For now don’t let even ray and damon know. It’s For now don’t even let Ray and Damon know.

  • You need a transition after the cabin scene.

  • When Lisa said “Thats all for today” it’s "That’s all for today"

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I liked this episode a little bit more, but it didn’t capture me all the way.

  • The errors really distracted me from enjoying the story.

  • You had a better cliffhanger this episode.

Third Episode

aspire-demibold

  • When Lisa said, “What are you doing here!”. It’s "What’re you doing here?!"

  • When Vamp2 says If you want to see your brother again. it goes to where he says you’ll have to do what I say. those sentences should have been one sentence.

  • Tina is wearing default clothing

  • When Liam said, “Do you know that I killed our parents”. Its Did you know I killed our parents?

  • When Lisa said, “It coudn’t be” it’s It couldn’t be!

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I like the Infinite looping ball overlay, it really added a touch to her powers.

  • WOAH, he turned into Liam!!

  • Your cliffhangers are getting better.

1 Like

Thank you so much!! I will make sure to change those errors!
I would love it if you could share my story!!
I would be eternally grateful!!

1 Like

Sure.

1 Like

aspire-demibold
@Miranda_Episode

  • The narrator speech box is out of place

  • When Charlotte entered the hallway, Britney popped behind her. Try using the “&” command.

  • You had a default character and the teacher was wearing default clothing.

  • When Mr.Jones said, "Alright class, turn your page to 27 and read the whole chapter. It’s, Alright class, turn your books to page 27 and read the whole chapter.

  • Charlotte popped back into her seat after Mr.Jones said read the whole chapter. Try using the “&” command.

  • Derek popped up on the exterior school background. Try using the “&” command.

  • When Derek said “I heard you an your friend talk about it” it’s "I heard you and your friend talk about it"

  • Charlotte entered the bedroom from the right side which is where the wall is. So, she can walk through walls? Might wanna fix that.

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • It was just really boring to me and just generic.

  • It wasn’t interesting at all to me. I felt like it could have been written better.

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • I didn’t like how you started off with you saying “How you like pizza and then you said you didn’t see me there” that’s a personal pet peeve of mine.

  • Plus all that extra stuff in the intro was a “NO” for me

  • I didn’t like how Charlotte introduced herself to the readers. It was a complete turn-off for me

  • When Charlotte was doing the punch animation and said “She doesn’t even know us” I just found that unneeded and extra.

  • I really despise how Charlotte is talking us like knowing she is in a game.

  • There weren’t any background characters.

  • You made a stereotypical ink character where all they care about is food. LIKING FOOD IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT!

  • I don’t like the MC at all. You bumped into and he said to watch it, and now you portray him to be this bad person :roll_eyes: I know it was a joke, but it wasn’t funny.

  • I didn’t like that the first episode didn’t leave an impression.

Second Episode

aspire-demibold

  • You didn’t add the Hairbrush prop to Charlotte.

  • When Charlotte was thinking “Does he read my mind or something?” it’s "Did he read my mind or something?"

  • When Derek says “The Famous Cupcake” the “C” is supposed to be lowercase,

  • Mr.Jones was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

  • When Mr.Jones says “I suggest you’re starting to prepare already”. It’s, 'I suggest you start to prepare."

  • Britney is wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

  • In the hallway scene Charlotte’s speech-bubble is where Britney’s should be. I suggest using @speechbubble reset

  • Your music just stops and goes to another track, I think you should learn how to fade music. Dara has something on that. Just click her profile.

  • At the party scene a girl had on default clothing.

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble still isn’t fixed.

  • The last transition before the ending of the episode wasn’t correct.

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • Personally I still feel the same about this episode as I did with the last.

  • This episode hadn’t changed my perspective on the story.

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • The author intro wasn’t needed.

  • I didn’t really like the narration of her talking about her dark past.

  • In the mirror scene, I wish you would have given Charlotte a reflection.

  • I was really disappointed when you used a default character as the stranger.

  • I didn’t like the cliffhanger. I didn’t leave me curious.

Third Episode

aspire-demibold

  • That guitar sound effect looping as music is really annoying.

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble is in the wrong position.

  • The character with the blue shirt and the skull just popped up.

  • Dawson is wearing default clothing.

  • Mason’s speech-bubble is in the wrong position in the interview hallway scene.

  • In the Junkyard scene Derek’s speech-bubble is messed up, you can fix this with @speechbubble reset

  • When Derek says “I’m to tired…”. It’s, I’m too tired

  • Charlotte’s speech-bubble is messed up after the flashback with her mom.

  • I’m on the third episode and Mr. Jones still haven’t changed clothes :nauseated_face:

aspire-demibold%20(1)

  • I think with this food talk you’re just trying to be funny.

  • I feel like this is repetition with this “Dark past” and “No one can know”.

  • That cliffhanger was “okay”

aspire-demibold%20(2)

  • Again with the author intro, some might not mind what you did, but for me I was annoyed.

  • I didn’t really like the basic directing in general.

  • I didn’t like that all you used were Episode Original Backgrounds

1 Like

Did you review the rest yet?

1 Like

I will in 40mins. I just got rid of the last one :joy:

1 Like