THESE ARE MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS SO PLEASE DON’T FEEL DISCOURAGED BY YOUR STORY.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “With what, if I may ask and can I help?” Add a comma before and.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “Oh Liam.” Add a comma before Liam.
*It’d be nice to zoom in on their faces when they’re talking.
*The transitions are… really long. Maybe because I’m an impatient person.
*I also noticed they’re all the same height, are you using basic spot directing?
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “How is everything going?” Change going to doing.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “At 6:30 am, Bella has work out. Dance class at 7:00 am.” Change it to, “At 6:30 AM, Bella has to work out and dance class at 7:00 AM.” *Remember to capitalize am.
*Remember to stop looping animations with an idle one when they’re done talking.
*The characters are kinda… bland, in my opinion. There’s nothing exciting about them and none of them stand out. The dialogue and conversation between everybody is bland. It’s really simple and basic.
*Before Liam starts to pass out and stuff, you could of changed the music into something more scary like. The peaceful and calm music didn’t suit the tone of the scene when everybody started to freak out after he fainted.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “Absolutely! After that we can go for a walk.” Add a comma before we.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “There is he!” Change it to, “There he is!”
*Why is one of the characters named dad while one is named Mr. Beaumont. Mr. Beaumont is Liam’s dad, right?
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “There is she!” Change it to, “There she is!”
*Wait, can they read minds lol? I didn’t know that. Are they the only ones who can read minds?
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “I am Prince Liam, your Grace.” Capitalize your.
*Capitalize royal names such as “Your Majesty” and stuff.
*Remember to put a period at the end of each sentence.
*Honestly, I’m not really sure what’s happening.
*That’s a weird place to end a chapter…
*They just popped up on the screen O.O
*The speechbubbles are messed up in this scene.
*Like I said, remember to stop looping animations with an idle one when they’re done talking!
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “I known not why…” Change it to, “I don’t know why,”
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “Why the thought of her with another man bothers me so much?!” Change it to, “Why does the thought of her with another man bother me so much?!”
GRAMMAR MISTAKE: “All of them said that if I was to marry them…” Change was to were.
*They just met LIKE a day ago and Liam is already saying how he loves her??
*They both just popped on zone 2 without walking there.
*THEY ALREADY KISSED WHEN THEY JUST MET…? This is ridiculously rushed. Their relationship didn’t have any sort of build up and they went from strangers to lover in a matter of seconds.
SPELLING MISTAKE: One of the choices says, “It was amazing, I do not regread it” While the other says, “He has no right do kiss me.” Change regread to regret and change do to to.
*I really don’t understand what’s going on. The plot is all over the place and the romance aspect of the story is also.
*How are they both so attached to each other when they don’t know each other, like at all.
*The music also doesn’t suit most of the scenes. In the scene where the Nanny tells them that they won’t rule together, the music is really upbeat and happy.
*All of the characters just popped up onto the scene.
*A really weird spot to end the chapter.
*Ok, to be honest, I don’t really feel like correcting the spelling and grammar anymore.
*I don’t know why but you stopped adding punctuation at the end of each sentence?
*I also noticed how you never zoomed onto anything within the 3 chapters I read.
*Why is the music the same in all of the chapters?
My final notes are the plot of your story is really… messy. It’s all over the place. I don’t really understand what’s happening at all. I don’t even know who most of the characters are plus their purpose in the story. Liam and Bella’s relationship was incredibly rushed and they practically went from strangers to lovers all in one day. I strongly recommend you get a proofreader, because your grammar and spelling was also all over the place. The dialogue between the characters were bland and really basic. All of the characters act and are the same, I can’t differentiate their personalities, since there’s nothing to compare! So again, I recommend you learn the basics of directing and story telling before you write a story yourself.