🍵 Merlin's story review and proofreading for all stories [CLOSED]

[Summi]

Nice

• proper intro
• amazing cover
• good directing
• good coding
• good lengh
• nice backgrounds
• proper outro
• CC
• choices
• animations
• good usage of overlays
• youthful

I’m gonna recommend the story on my IG @episode.merlin

[CrimsonJewel]

do you review unpublished stories?

[maree_s]

I would love for you to read my story.

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: Beauty School Secrets

Title: Beauty School Secrets
Genre: Adventure
Author Name: Maree
and
Description:
Dare to read about all the secrets that lie at Spring Hill College. Discover hidden clues and solve mysteries on the college campus. The real question is, "Can you keep a secret?

[Some_kid]

Its a satire

[sophiemepisode]

Title: The Bucket List [LIMELIGHT]
Author : Sophie M.
Description : Noa is an ambitious girl from a small island, Asher is a cocky guy from New York… What happens when their worlds collide and they need each other?
Genre : Rom-Com
Style : Limelight
Special : I took a lot of time on directing this story and making sure everything is perfect! Also there’s full customization and your choices matter!
Chapters : 4 and going
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6641738027565056

I would really appreciate if you gave my story a chance! I put in a lot of work to write it

[Summi]

Yes ofcourse

[Summi]

Please read carefully and fill all the requirements

[Superpup]

Can you actually hold off on reviewing it for about a week?

[Summi]

Probably since the waiting is long anyways

[Superpup]

Okay, thanks

[Summi]

• promising beginning
• diversity
• good coding
• good backgrounds
• cliffhanger

But oh boy…

Summary

• no CC or choices -> add at least 3 choices per chapter
• the chapter is too short -> way too short -> i recommend you to have at least 1600 lines or 13-15 minutes of reading
• nothing significant happens -> just from the bed to club to the streets -> i learned nothing about the MC
• no intro/outro -> add your signature beginning or ending
• there is no reason to continue reading -> yes there is a cliffhanger but it’s not enough cause the readers will never be interested enough in such a short time with nothingness

I can recommend you to add a real body to the story by having some true dialouges with the side characters so the reader could learn about the MC

• for ex let her talk with her boss, ex lover or a co-worker, let them say things like - you’re a good dancer but… or … you can’t continue ditching men… or… why you’re so cold…
• add choices, maybe CC, what ever to make the chapter longer

Also, never publish anything without having a proofreader or two. After that a beta reader or two. This ensures the strong beginning and no mistakes what so ever.

[Summi]

Nice

• proper intro
• good beginning
• good coding
• choices
• male mc?
• good usage of overlays
• good backgrounds
• nice lenght
• diversity
• nice cover
• cliffhanger
• nice outro

Summary

Somehow i wish that his dad was a bit more angry or disappointed with him for having a house party.

• Confusing MC part -> there was so many characters coming in that at first i was confused who’s the MC,
  I also wish there was a CC of the MC so there is no second thoughts who is it

Overall it’s a good story and i’ll recommend it on my IG @episode.merlin

[lqwalter]

I hear you on that and will try to work on it! Thank you so for your time, it means a lot to me

[Summi]

Summary

I forgot about the description. It’s kind of confusing too, does it have a spelling error? When an old diary discovers in his… is it “discovered” instead?

[lqwalter]

I was actually hoping someone would proofread that for me so I’m really glad you brought that up😆 I wasn’t really sure whether to use present tense or past tense but since it confuses people, I would definitely change that haha! I love how you’ve been really helpful!

[Summi]

Cool

• amazing cover
• good directing
• good coding
• nice story idea
• CC
• choices
• diversity
• good lenght
• nice background
• good usage of overlays
• cliffhanger
• proper outro

Summary

I wish the CC of the LI would be at the point where the readers actually meet him. We never know how our love looks like before meeting them adds some mystery to the fantasy.

Overall it’s a good story. I’ll deginitely recommend it on IG @episode.merlin

[Summi]

• CC
• choices
• nice backgrounds
• good coding
• nice backgrounds
• good cover

Buuuuut…

Summary

• bombarting readers with 5 people’s CC at once -> a big no no -> i recommend CC only the MC and the LI -> parents and sister are automatically CC’d with a right CC template -> seach for the CC template with family member automatic CC so the skin color remains same with all.

   Additional option is to add their CC when the 
    reader is actually going to meet them -> works 
    miracles with the LI
  

• long narrator texts -> avoid these by making them shorter or give the information in them through the dialouges and animations between the chracters
  

  

• the chapter is kind of long and nothing significant really happens -> the first chapter is the most important one, it’s made to impress and make people wanna read more -> readers really don’t wanna wait the juicy stuff happen somewhere in chapter unknown, they wanna taste it right away, so it’s up to the writer to have the readers taste some of the good stuff but definitely not all of it.

• at the moment it has a weak cliffhanger so it leads to little reason to continue reading -> add something more dramatic to the ending -> something more than the LI checking her out (for ex. make him say something unexpected)

Overall the story has a great potentsial, keep working on it!

[rachel.epii]

Thank you so much!

[talina.writes]

Hi, thanks for this! I would love if you could review my story. Feel free to take your time! XOXO

• Story title-- Squad: The Dragons Eight
• Genre-- Fantasy
• Story description–
  A civilization overrun with darkness. A dragon heir, powerless and alone. The fate of the Winged Empire is in the hands of eight misfits…
  … What can go wrong?
• Your Instagram @-- Don’t have one
• Your Episode user-- Smile XD
• Story cover–
  
• Link to your story-- http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5864298053304320

[Patriciac]

Hey I was wondering if you could proofread/give your opinion on the first chapter of my story for the reveal contest! I don’t want to put the link because it’s for the contest! Also the story outro is not complete yet! Could I pm the information?