Here is a little review of mine! Hope you can give it a read
Title: The Nation D: Moon Eyes
Author: P Marroquín
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Style: Limelight
Number of episodes: 5 (ongoing)
Description: Heather has no parents, she is trapped in a place were she can’t go out and were she has to work everyday or else the leaders will kill her, but what happens when her best friend (which is a boy) and his dead sister offer her a way to get out of there for good and start a brand new life…! Where’s your new destination? And what dark secrets does it hide? Will you finally find answers to your past?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6435647390351360
Hello thank you so much! I would appreciate reviews for my first time story: Stay Strong Sisters. It’s Drama but with lace of mystery, comedy and maybe…just maybe gangs and romance in later episodes. Really hope you can read all 3 chapters and tell me what you think. Wpuld really love it! Link:
@Days Thank you so much for reviewing! And I’m glad you like the time period, because it’s way more difficult to pull off than I’d thought it would be XD
I went back through everything and (hopefully) fixed all the bugs. lol every time I go back through I think I’ve fixed everything but there’s always something else the next time I check it in app.
I also followed your advice about talking animations! I think I was so busy writing the dialogue itself that I didn’t even notice how weird it looked when they weren’t actually talking. So thank you for pointing that out.
I’m also really glad you liked the story! Writing for episode is a lot of work, and very different from what I’m used to, so it means a lot to me that you like it! Thanks again for helping me out so much with this review!
*FIRST CHAPTER IS DONE, AND I’M HALFWAY DONE THE SECOND
Description:
Being the daughter of Zeus isn’t easy. Add responsibilities and your mother having cancer topped on with a forbidden temptation to a boy who can rock your world , literally.
Story name: Plan B Author: Madalynn Chapters: 4 Genre: Drama Style: Ink Description: You have a past with prison break planning but now you’ve left that life behind. Until you meet a cocky but charming Braiden Duane, who asks your help. Will you be able to say no? Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5679276948062208 Instagram: madalynn.episode Cover:
Loved the directing at the beginning when Alessia is playing a game!
I really like the concept that the plot’s based on Alessia’s gaming hobby as well.
Not sure if there was a problem with the spot directing at the end when Alessia is transported to the stables - as Alessia is bigger than the two boys or else it was intentional?
Brilliant use of music and the narration is really well done as well.
Liked the humour too
Episode Two:
Again, great narration but be careful as I spotted some non-capitalised I’s
Great use of different zooms and text effects too!
I like the plot as it is pretty unique and great choices regarding how we can interact with Gabe as well!
Haha, love the dialogue and the way it flows well is nice to read!
Great music to accompany to mood of the story as well!
Natural dialogue and overall pace is good!
When Alessia is looking at Gabe make sure she is facing him when she is idle_rear
Episode Three:
Overall. lovely writing and with the flashback to prevent characters popping up on the screen use “&” instead of “@”
Also, major kudos with the speechbubble positioning - I know how painful it can be lol
However, you may need to look at the scene with Shannon in it as none of the characters could be seen on the screen.
General Comments:
Love the slice-of-life feel I get from this story. An interesting storyline with some adorable scenes and was nice to read!
YIKES! One kid sounds stressful enough - let alone quadruplets!
Love the intro - gives me a taste for what kind of humour to expect (wit and more wit!)
Brilliant use of music and love the chaos too!
Also, loved how much the choices affect dialogue further on in the story like the dirty clothes choice (no regrets lol)
The characters are well-written and you’ve really bought them to life!
Directing’s very good so far!
Episode Two:
I’d recommend when Sandy is walking exhaustedly perhaps do: @follow SANDY to screen right in zone 3 AND SANDY does it while walk_exhausted
Love how feisty and strong Sandy is!
Brilliant use of zooms as well (the pizza scene is a good example of that!)
Episode Three:
Love how mad Brandon is (teachers like this in stories make me laugh a lot haha)
You’ve shown the personalities of the characters well by not only describing them but showing the reader too! - Again, directing’s pretty good but maybe consider some transitions to make the story go a bit smoother.
General Comments:
Loved the way you’ve written the characters, brilliant humour with great music filled with a lot of adventure and chaos! Great work!
Your splashes are very nice and lovely use of music!
Also, loved how embarrassing Officer Maks is!
Quick note, there were characters that were popping into the story, to prevent this you can use “&” instead of “@” for the characters.
The zooms used were very nice!
Great use of character points but there was a spelling error on the readerMessage - it should be "right choice"
Episode Two:
Directing’s generally good - some issues like the characters popping as well as some characters having dialogue while being offscreen (if it is deliberate, ignore what I said). Specifically, I am discussing when the body is discovered.
The overall concept of the story is very interesting and liked the dream sequence as well!
The dialogue is okay and flows well.
Episode Three:
Right, I was unable to review this episode because of my damn stubby fingers and made me click on the skip option (so so sorry!)
From your profile pic, I can safely assume you are a fan of Tom Hiddleston so please accept this as compensation for not reviewing the third episode haha: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1NS97_lHi8 (my fave Hiddleston moment!)
General Comments:
Overall, the story was an interesting read with a lot of mystery and loved the supernatural aspect of the story! Good one!
However, I’d suggest splitting the dialogue and narration into smaller, digestible chunks
e.g. "I do not want to leave Rina but I have put college off for too long!" "I’ll be 25 soon and she’s 22. I suppose she can take care of herself now…"
This can make the dialogue and overall story easier for the reader to follow
Also, I’d recommend with Lena’s backstory about the incident - perhaps show the flashback itself and shorten the description.
I think for certain parts of the story, I’d recommend showing the reader instead of telling the reader what has happened (through actions, scenes, and dialogue )
So far, the story has quite an interesting theme to read about!
Episode Two:
Love the introductions at the beginning where you explain the customs and terms referring to Japanese language & culture (nice to learn a thing or two! )
I’d recommend incorporating some sounds in the story to help enhance the reader experience.
Description is fine like when you are providing facts and info but sometimes you may want to let the story do the work for you!
After the text exchange; to enable Tenshi and Rina to be on screen rather than walking in, I’d suggest: @TENSHI stands screen left &RINA stands screen right AND RINA faces left
Also, for pieces of certain dialogue - perhaps use speaking animations and when adding them vary them so your dialogue can flow as well as making the characters seem natural.
The emphasis on honour and respect between characters are shown brilliantly through your directing and dialogue!
For transitions, @transition fade out black in 2 for smoother transitions and scene changes
Love how the reader can customise the hair and outfits!
The plot is very unique!
Episode Three:
An interesting episode with a lot of information in it.
Perhaps, when Lina is at the beach zoom closer to her and then do the monologue.
Watch out with the layering in the flashback, like @DERIC moves to layer 20. Great flashback with advanced directing though
I’d recommend adding varied zooms as well!
General Comments:
Overall, a very interesting concept to write about, very informative but I’d recommend less description and to cut up some narration or dialogue into chunks.
Thank you for this feedback! This was what I was looking for! Oh the Deric to layer 20 part is that when they are head to the mansion or when they are in the meeting room?
- Again, directing’s pretty good but maybe consider some transitions to make the story go a bit smoother.
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