Hey there! I think the writing in this intro is not bad by any means. The only issue might be that it sounds very reminiscent of intros that people may have read many times before. Cliches and tropes can be very fun and appealing- Honestly, I love cliches- if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
But, with that being said, I think if you would like your story to stand out from the crowd and offer an intro that is more unique, I would recommend changing up the wording, or offering a spin on it.
"There’s life before falling in love, then there’s life after.
It’s like running through sprinklers on your way to work, only to be greeted by the sterile glow of fluorescent office lights and the piercing gaze of reality’s concerned and judgmental eyes upon entering.
Still, I can’t say I’d rather be ignorant to it all.
I could try to lie to myself; tell myself it’s not worth all the pain and misery that has since encompassed me.
“I shouldn’t have fallen into the forbidden”, I could tell myself.
But my mind can only say so much. My heart’s desires echo much louder as it aches for the sprinklers that drenched me; the man that made a mess of me.
Now, I know there’s no turning back."
Honestly, mine may just be a bit longer than you want, but I tried to add wording and elements that attempt to be a bit different than how this kind of thing has been said in the past. It may not be what you’re looking for, but I thought I would offer an alternative to work with if you choose. Good luck!
Of course! I’m glad you like it!